New grad frustrated, but trapped...in a "profession" i HATE.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I am doing an internship now that lasts 3 months. I have to either work 1 year to pay that off or I have to pay 18k to cover the expenses of this internship. I HATE it. I hatenursing.I can't stand the condescending docs, impatient patients, the random little tid-bits of things to remember on the job. I'm naturally a little ADHD (untreated)and my mindis so scatter-brained. I tried towrite everything down,but I dont have TIME for that. I feel as I did in nursing school... like however hard iwork, it is never good enough. I'm always forgetting to chart something...or assess something. I admire the critical care nurses and their ability to problem solve like,if notbetter than docs, but i don't think i'm able to endure the years it takes toget to that level of knowledge and comfort. I can't helpbut feel trapped... i have no idea what else i could do except for nursing. This stress is not worth the paycheck... and I'm considering paying over 15k to break this contract and get out of this terrible field that causes me severe anxiety that is turning into depression ...

any advice or suggestions?

crawlyberry

89 Posts

Is this the Gulport Hospital program that you are referencing?

Mollypita

89 Posts

You seem to be judging things very harshly when you haven't been doing this very long at all. It's always hard at first- especially the first 6 or 7 months. You really should give it a little more time... easy for someone else to say, I know. But really, that's a lot of money to pay for what? Having no job at all? But ultimately it's up to you, so good luck...

caliotter3

38,333 Posts

If your ADHD is causing you significant distress, I would see a doctor and get evaluated and treated. It does not matter if you stay in nursing or go to another line of work. If you are not functioning at your optimum, then life will be harder and less enjoyable for you. Meanwhile, do some research on ADHD and take some self help steps to make your life more manageable. Complete your year. You don't need the debt. You need to give yourself enough time to adapt and perhaps see a change in your outlook.

Lovely_RN, MSN

1,122 Posts

You would owe 15k for an internship? I thought that internships were non-paying positions? I know that 9 more months seems like a long time but 15k is a lot of money to lose.

LHH1996

90 Posts

Specializes in Acute Care/ LTC.

oh..dear...i would hate for you to give up a career that can be rewarding even if it doesn't seem that way. i realize you are frustrated but don't give up. REally! as an earlier post said, get help for the attention problems. you haven't been doing it that long. try to hang in there? HUGS!!!!

Specializes in PACU.

If I were in your boat I'd suck it up for the year, not have to pay them the money, then promptly leave for a better job. Some nursing jobs are truly awesome, and I'm sure there are some that would be a good fit for you. It sounds like you're just in a miserable one. Your case serves a good lesson to others: if a place has to impose such a huge monetary penalty for quitting there's probably a reason for it.

If you are posting just to say

I HATE it. I hatenursing.

then why don't just simply talk to a personal confidant to vent and give room for people who really need advice like this user:
Hello all! I have been at a LTC facility for 1 year now. I want to ask all the nurses for advice for a still new nurse. Any will be appreciated!!! Also, I may switch jobs....any ideas?? on what to ask at interviews, what are signs of a decent nursing home? What is decent patient/nurse/CNA ratio? What are red flags for a facility that may do alot of micro-managing? I feel I am also still having problems with my documentation, it doesn't come to easy to me...any advice? THANKS!!!!

jjjoy, LPN

2,801 Posts

I can relate to the feeling... and if you're in a place where you feel like you're nearly drowning everyday, to just "suck it up" or "stick it out" can feel like one is being advised to stay in an abusive relationship "for the kids" or "until you can support yourself financially"... and hoping that the straw that breaks the camel's back doesn't drop til then...

OP, remember that when folks give you advice, they are telling you what they THINK they'd do based on what they IMAGINE you're going through. You're the only one experiencing the situation. You're the only one here who has to get up and go to work each day. You're the only one here who would have to pay a large sum of money if the hospital enforced that contract.

What's best for you depends on YOU... and, in my opinion, in such situations, there is no perfect approach that can be applied across the board to anyone in a similar situation because that type of situation has so many variables and involves personal emotion and interpersonal relations.

In your situation, I'd need to do a lot of self-affirmation to not allow every perceived or real criticism or potential or real mistake to translate to "I'm a terrible person/horrible nurse for not getting that right!" and "If I did (or didn't do) that, it must mean I'll NEVER get this!" I would need to find or build a group of people to go to regularly for support... people who I could even call anytime (eg in the middle of the day from the bathroom on my cell) when I feel that I need the reassurance of talking to someone uninvolved and unconditionally supportive. If I can keep reminding myself that I AM worthy of respect NO MATTER WHAT, then I cope much better. So I can approach a supervisor more from a position of "this is what is and isn't working for me" instead of coming from a position of "I'm sorry I'm so slow and pathetic, I beg that you'll put up with my subpar performance so that I can hopefully do better in the future..."

For me, finding a place of self-acceptance in the face of such struggles really helps set the stage for working on solutions that I can truly live with. Best wishes to you!

Specializes in LTC, Acute Care.
If you are posting just to say then why don't just simply talk to a personal confidant to vent and give room for people who really need advice like this user:

Because it may be good for her to find out what other ADHDers do in her situation. ADHDers often don't think anyone "gets" them and often have trouble expressing themselves, and a personal confidante may not be an option because of this. I do hope you felt better getting that off your chest.

OP--go get yourself evaluated ASAP and at least learn how to cope with your environment for now. You don't hate nursing; you hate your situation today. Keep writing everything down.

Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

you are not alone. come join us on the first year after nursing licensure forum: https://allnurses.com/first-year-after/

there are many posts similar to yours and not all of us suffer from add. being a new nurse is hard for many reasons, but i am told by many it gets better especially once you learn to stand up for yourself and you figure out which one of your co-workers can be supportive during your shift. gl and welcome!

Riseupandnurse

658 Posts

Specializes in Medical Surgical.

I think what you're feeling is kind of normal for many new nurses. I don't have ADHD and I cried every night for a year. You eventually DO get it straightened out; if I could, so can anyone. See if you can switch to a less hectic floor or schedule. And set a goal that you will get out in a year to something you will like a lot better. The time does pass, and things do get better.

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