My mom doesn't believe in me.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello fellow nurses! I recently graduated nursing school and became a licensed registered nurse! ? I'm very happy and proud of my accomplishment. I was also able to land an internship rotating throughout different floors immediately after school even before being licensed!

We're about to move out, I'm about to lease my first apartment. We - meaning my mother and I. She's in her late 50s, divorced, and well I'm going to take care of her. I was approved to lease at these amazingly beautiful apartments.

While I'm starting my first RN job ever in a few days I will also be in the midst of moving to my first apartment ever. I'm a little stressed, extremely excited, and I guess the best word to describe my current state is ambivalent.

I wanted to provide you with a current overview of where I stand.

So today somehow graduate school came up, I told my mother that a few years into the future I may actually consider CRNA or maybe Acute Care Nurse Practitioner. I was met with with immediate undertones of disapproval of CRNA that were easily detectable in her body language and "what ifs". Eventually she basically said, "I don't want to beat around the bush but I don't think you're cut out for it. Just look at how stressed you were during nursing school".

Here's the thing. My level of stress was pretty much congruent to the stress of most of my classmates. I don't think she understands. Anyway this REALLY hurt me. I feel so defeated and betrayed. I just want to DO IT now. I want to become a CRNA and show her that I can. I don't want to become a CRNA to prove to her, but her unfortunate disbelief in me is fueling me to accomplish this.

I want to reiterate that plans for CRNA or ACNP are on my agenda but I want to be in the trenches first. Gain my experience, and get my feet wet.

I feel defeated by her. This is definitely not what I need starting out as a brand new baby nurse in a few days.

I guess I'm asking for some lifting up. I need some support and advice. ?

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everyone's insight and encouragement.

As it turns out she told me later that she was concerned the stress of CRNA school may pose a physical harm. She told me she saw my stress levels and sleepless nights (careplans the day prior to clinical LOL) and it worried her.

I made a point that while CRNA education will be a stressful phase and obviously tougher than nursing school, that I will be prepared if I go that route. I have survived regular old nursing school stress. If I go that route by then I would have been a nurse for quite a while (more stress survival). While It wouldn't necessarily make CRNA school "easier", my stress management certainly would have matured even more by then.

Again, thanks!

0 Votes
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

See...I told you so...((HUGS))

0 Votes
Specializes in Pedi.
I don't understand what's wrong with some people. I have an ambitious daughter, who wants to be an aerospace engineer and work for NASA. My job is to be her cheerleader and biggest supporter! Why would someone ever tear down their own kid, especially when their kid is expressing a desire to advance and improve themselves?!

I'm sorry your mom did this to you, but know what? Her attitude has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her. Do your thing.

Not saying this is what happened in the OP's situation, but sometimes it is a parent's job to scale down their child's unrealistic expectations. If your kid barely makes Cs in high school, do you tell him that you believe he can excel at Harvard?

I am barely 5'4" tall. I unsuccessfully played basketball from about 4th grade through 6th grade and don't think I ever got a single basket (is that what you scoring in basketball?) Had I, in high school, stated that I was going to go out for the varsity team in hopes of getting a scholarship to a D1 school as my ticket to the WNBA, I'd fully expect my mother to give me a dose of reality.

I know a family whose teenager has had a malignant spinal cord tumor and been chronically on and off chemotherapy for 10 years. He has a port-a-cath, is still on treatment and has no feeling in one leg. He is about 4 1/2 feet tall d/t radiation to the spine. This kid thinks that he is going to get a baseball scholarship to college and be in the military. His parents have repeatedly told him this is possible. It isn't. When the rejection inevitably comes, will he feel betrayed when he realizes his parents have been lying to him all along?

0 Votes

I had some majors issues with my mom too OP. I think the earlier you can address this and set appropriate boundaries, the better off you will be in the long run. It sounds like your mom does not respect you as an adult. See a therapist ASAP. I can't recommend it enough!!

0 Votes
Not saying this is what happened in the OP's situation, but sometimes it is a parent's job to scale down their child's unrealistic expectations. If your kid barely makes Cs in high school, do you tell him that you believe he can excel at Harvard?

I am barely 5'4" tall. I unsuccessfully played basketball from about 4th grade through 6th grade and don't think I ever got a single basket (is that what you scoring in basketball?) Had I, in high school, stated that I was going to go out for the varsity team in hopes of getting a scholarship to a D1 school as my ticket to the WNBA, I'd fully expect my mother to give me a dose of reality.

I know a family whose teenager has had a malignant spinal cord tumor and been chronically on and off chemotherapy for 10 years. He has a port-a-cath, is still on treatment and has no feeling in one leg. He is about 4 1/2 feet tall d/t radiation to the spine. This kid thinks that he is going to get a baseball scholarship to college and be in the military. His parents have repeatedly told him this is possible. It isn't. When the rejection inevitably comes, will he feel betrayed when he realizes his parents have been lying to him all along?

I have to disagree. It is not a parents job to do that. A parent *should* in my opinion support the dreams of their children. I can see how encouraging the teenagers dream of baseball/military is a bit controversial. However, their support IS what matters. That kid is gonna try regardless and the one's who will scale down his expectations or dreams will be those IN the profession/military etc. Does that make sense? Because when and if he is rejected he may also very well have negative feelings towards his parents because they never supported him to begin with.

Supporting and actively encouraging a false sense of entitlement are different. Telling your child "Yeah sweetie you're be the best baseball player ever" is wrong. "Yeah sweetie of course you'll make it big in baseball" is wrong.

Support to me is more like "Okay I will take you to practice". OR "Tell me about how your journey with medical school is going". Support is lending oneself and being an open ear AND mind.

In my opinion no parent has the right to scale anything. I would leave that to the people responsible for admitting/denying people. He doesn't need his hand held and told what he can and can't do by his parents. He will find out the old fashioned way. Being REJECTED or ACCEPTED.

0 Votes

StudentOfHealing,

I will say one thing.....your mama raised an amazing child. Best of luck to you (((GIANT HUG))) !

0 Votes
StudentOfHealing,

I will say one thing.....your mama raised an amazing daughter. Best of luck to you (((GIANT HUG))) !

(((GIANT HUGS))) thank you that means so much! Lol only thing is I'm a boy =P but really thank you! ?

0 Votes

You are welcome, StudentOfHealing! I have to confess, while reading your posts, I was reminded of a young RN I know whose father always discounted her decisions and told her she "wasn't smart enough" to be a nurse. She lost him very suddenly due to an accident, and still has so many unresolved feelings and so much sadness regarding their relationship and his discouraging remarks. She is so intelligent and articulate, as you are, that you made me think of her.

Good luck in your future nursing career, and to your mother in her new career path. :D

0 Votes

I think everyone has trouble with nursing school. It's different than other programs. Your mom may have thought that you struggled while everyone else breezed by without a care. But surely you were just like everyone else.

0 Votes
Specializes in Acute care, Community Med, SANE, ASC.

I am not a mom nor have I been in a position to support or care for my parents so I won't speak to that as others have already provided some very good insight. I can, however, imagine the hurt caused by your mother's comments. It sounds like she has explained herself and hopefully that helped some, and I think some of the other posters are probably spot on with where that comment might have been coming from.

I'm sure you've already figured this out but going to CRNA or getting your master's now to prove something to your mother is not the right motivation. It's also not the best time career-wise anyway. It's my understanding that CRNA schools are quite competitive to get in and I believe you're required to have a certain amount of experience (critical care I suspect) so you probably wouldn't be eligible at this time. Master's programs do sometimes accept new grads but I personally don't believe that's the best route. I know folks who went straight through to master's and the vast majority of the folks in the class who did that were not working as NPs but instead worked as RNs because they didn't have the experience or comfort level to fulfill the NP role. Get some experience, find out what area you really like because it may not be what you expect. Next research the requirements needed to get into the program you want so there aren't any surprises and move on from there. No rush--as you pointed out--you're young. Life is short, enjoy it!

0 Votes
Specializes in hospice.

You're advising her against something she doesn't plan to do.

So today somehow graduate school came up, I told my mother that a few years into the future I may actually consider CRNA or maybe Acute Care Nurse Practitioner.

........

I want to reiterate that plans for CRNA or ACNP are on my agenda but I want to be in the trenches first. Gain my experience, and get my feet wet.

0 Votes
Specializes in geriatrics, psych.

I get a lot of vibes just as you OP, only they come from my dad. When I got accepted into nursing school I of course called everyone to tell them. My mom, sisters, husband, children, and friends all said congratulations and they knew I could do it! My dad asked me who would pay for it and as I was telling him this in person, because he didn't even respond to my call or text on the subject, his body language said this as he was insinuating that I would be a failure left with the loans to repay and no success. I was devastated because I intend this time to take my nursing career as far as I can. Yes it did take me 20 years of working as an LPN to decide I want this but I have always been a person who is very motivated and when I say I'm doing something then I do it! If anyone knows this I would think my dad would know it. It did break my heart when I talked to him but I won't let it stand in the way of my dreams. I just can't wait until the day I make all of my dreams come true and see how he feels then. He will be the first I invite to my graduation!

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses. Angi/LPN (?RN)

0 Votes
+ Add a Comment