Meeting With the Manager

  1. Hello. I just need to vent. I recently started a new job on a heavy acute medicine unit. Today I received an email saying that my manager wants to meet. Immediately in my head I'm starting to think oh my god what did I do scenarios and am I going to get fired. In the past each time I have had to meet with the manager it wasn't a positive meeting. I know I have made some mistakes and owned them and I have been working hard to try and not make them again. I know other people have felt anxious about meeting with there boss but has anyone else felt so anxious that all they can think about are worst case scenarios? Any advice on how to relax?
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    About MJ48

    Joined: Sep '17; Posts: 49; Likes: 39

    10 Comments

  3. by   caliotter3
    Have never been able to calm down prior to meeting the boss or talking to the boss on the phone. Just something to suffer through I guess.
  4. by   Ben_Dover
    If you feel uncomfortable and you think you'll get reprimanded, if you have a union, take them with you!
  5. by   iluvivt
    I thinks it's so unfair of managers to ask to meet with you and not give you any clue as to what it is about.I ask now,"May I please inquire as to the purpose of the meeting".I have worried for days needlessly when they just wanted me to update a policy.If you think it is for a reprimand just remember to NOT get defensive and explain how the errors happened and what your plan for improvement is..Remember...I can improve...I can work on this...You can even write measurable goals..If you do not have concrete solutions ask for help and ask to meet with your manager again so you can track your progress on whatever the issues are.It will be OK...and ask for what you need to succeed and make any corrections you need to.
  6. by   klone
    I *am* a manager, and when the CNO asks to meet with me, I always think I'm about to be reprimanded or fired as well. So know that it's not just you.

    Knowing that a request to meet causes severe anxiety in most people, I usually try to grab people on the fly and ask to step into my office right then and there, so that there isn't hours or days of dreadful anticipation. The only time I request something in advance is when I have to, by law, tell them that they can have union representation at the meeting (which is for a disciplinary action).

    It's quite likely that she just wants to review your progress with you.
  7. by   Davey Do
    Quote from MJ48
    I know other people have felt anxious about meeting with there boss but has anyone else felt so anxious that all they can think about are worst case scenarios?
    Quote from MJ48
    Any advice on how to relax?
    The answer is within your post, MJ48:
    Quote from MJ48
    I just need to vent.
    Do so with pen and paper. One member here on AN.com, and I wish I could remember who, said that a therapist has their clients suffering from symptoms of PTSD write their thoughts and feelings down on paper. It seems a different part of the brain is used when writing on paper versus typing on a keyboard. The act of writing is a better catharsis than typing, according to this therapist.

    I wholeheartedly agree with that therapist. I have been called on the carpet many times in my career, terminated from two jobs, and even had job unrelated criminal charges and $50,000.00 civil suit brought against me.

    I every situation, I had a little journal and pen with me. While waiting to deal with administrators or lawyers before a deposition, I would write down my thoughts and feelings. The process puts my thoughts and feelings in a tangible form, helps to get me centered, and I feel more relaxed.

    Good luck and the very best to you, MJ48!
  8. by   MJ48
    I have thought about bringing in a union representative but I don't want to make a situation bad when its not. I do have to agree it would be nice if they had mentioned what they wanted to talk about or if there was an issue with my performance. I did notice though that they had scheduled the meeting during my shift so, I'm assuming that it is not going to take long and that they are not going to fire me during my shift, unless they can do that. What sucks is that I have this time off till then and cant relax because she wants to meet. My friends, who are coincidentally nurses too, are saying that she wants to talk about my progress/end of my probation and that its probably nothing serious. Fingers crossed that it is all she wants to talk about.
  9. by   klone
    If you bring a union rep, you should notify her in advance because then she will also need to bring in an HR rep. I would email her and simply ask "Is this meeting something for which I should have union representation?"
  10. by   Newgradnurse17
    Quote from MJ48
    I have thought about bringing in a union representative but I don't want to make a situation bad when its not. I do have to agree it would be nice if they had mentioned what they wanted to talk about or if there was an issue with my performance. I did notice though that they had scheduled the meeting during my shift so, I'm assuming that it is not going to take long and that they are not going to fire me during my shift, unless they can do that. What sucks is that I have this time off till then and cant relax because she wants to meet. My friends, who are coincidentally nurses too, are saying that she wants to talk about my progress/end of my probation and that its probably nothing serious. Fingers crossed that it is all she wants to talk about.
    Ive had a few bad meetings with my manager lately. It's awful. But I don't think this is your situation. No one would be so heartless to give you bad feedback half way threw a shift. If it was really bad they would of brought you in ASAP. Or somewhat bad it would of been at the end of a shift. I think you're fine.
  11. by   Davey Do
    Quote from Davey Do
    I every situation, I had a little journal and pen with me. While waiting to deal with administrators ... I would write down my thoughts and feelings. The process puts my thoughts and feelings in a tangible form, helps to get me centered, and I feel more relaxed.
    Just for poops and giggles, I went through and found the journal where I made notes the last time
    Quote from Davey Do
    I was called to HR... after working three 12 hour MN shifts, to meet with the HR head and the department head
    I copied a couple of edited pages from that journal:

    3-20-17-

    This is an account from another thread of the situation:
    Quote from Davey Do
    A little over a year ago, I experienced several different situations where a doctor, security guards, an agency nurse, and a tech were involved in inappropriate actions involving patients. These included, respectively, possible medicare fraud, not following policy and procedure, patient neglect/abuse, and insubordination.

    I objectively documented each specific situation, informing both the unit supervisor and department head. These ares of concern were documented with the appropriate administrative staff informed, but were never acknowledged nor addressed.

    I was called to HR sometime later, after working three 12 hour MN shifts, to meet with the HR head and the department head to be written up for my inadvertent failure to complete a redundant, superfluous form.

    I exploded internally but overtly acted appropriately bringing up the incidents where I believed a doctor was guilty of medicare fraud, security guards failed to follow policy and procedure during a chemical restraint, an agency nurse was guilty of neglect/abuse, and a tech had been insubordinate. I noted that these hideous acts were never addressed, but I was being written up for failure to complete a redundantly superfluous piece of paperwork!

    I said that I felt harassed and the HR head interrupted and challenged my statement. I replied with, "Show me the same respect that I have shown you- do not interrupt me or challenge my feelings! If I 'feel' I'm being harassed, then I feel I'm being harassed!"

    I informed the HR head that I wanted to file a grievance against the department head for harassment and the HR head apologized for her statement and immediately left to locate the necessary grievance forms.

    While I sat there with the department head, I said to her, "I am sorry it had to come to this. I've known you for over 20 years and worked under you for 14 of those years". I brought up past acts of transgression and ended the one sided conversation with, "I am so disappointed in you!" The department head sat there, red faced and teary eyed.

    Suffice it to say that the grievance was never followed through. I've informed appropriate outside entities of these areas of concern and have received in reply what I term as "Rama lama ding dong".

    I have done my duty, objectively informing appropriate individuals and agencies of perceived areas of concern to little or no avail. I have not spoken to, or communicated with, the department head or head of HR in over a year.

    Now I just have to let it go. But I won't forget it.
    You may be able to read in my initial journal entry that I merely wrote down what I was thinking and feeling : "Denied EAP presence. waiting...anticipating...deep breathing" and then a quote from a co-worker/friend: "Look good for Hollywood..."

    I then jotted down some points to bring up in the meeting.

    I believe my notes and humorous sketch helped to to relax and prepare for a situation where I feel and believe I came out on top. Just being able to vent my thoughts and feelings to the department head in this tense situation was a real catharsis!
    Last edit by Davey Do on Aug 16 : Reason: typo
  12. by   MJ48
    Quote from Newgradnurse17
    Ive had a few bad meetings with my manager lately. It's awful. But I don't think this is your situation. No one would be so heartless to give you bad feedback half way threw a shift. If it was really bad they would of brought you in ASAP. Or somewhat bad it would of been at the end of a shift. I think you're fine.
    That's what I was thinking. But you never know with people.

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