I think I really screwed up choosing nursing

[Curious1alwys]

Well, thinking about leaving my second job as a new grad since May. I can't believe I am right back where I was in July, but here I am.

Is there shame in admitting a career choice just is not for you? That you royally screwed up but unfortunately didn't 100% realize it until you graduated and started working? I picked nursing not because I was always interested in the field, liked what nurses do, or loved patient contact. I picked it because I loved to learn, felt their was opportunity in nursing, and because the school was geographically close to home. Yep, that's it. There were other things I was more interested in pursuing, but those degrees required more time, money, and long commutes. So I "settled" for nursing.

I did well in school. The bookwork came pretty easy. I got good grades with little effort. Like I said, I love learning. But I dreaded clinicals. I dreaded the hands-on, the skills. I always felt like a fish out of water. Even if Block 4. Everyone told me that was just anxiety because I was doing something new and lacked confidence and that it would be different when I was actually working as an RN. I kept telling myself that, saying to myself, "just get the degree". Well, it's no different now. I dread going to work in the morning. Actually I start dreading it several days BEFORE so I am really anxious even on my days off! I honestly can say that I don't really enjoy anything about nursing so far. When I don't get breaks or lunches I just get annoyed. I don't think of what I love and so wow it is all still worth it...The only thing that interests me is the constant learning the profession offers. I like helping the patients but mostly I just feel frustrated that I can't help them more or in the ways they need to be helped. I feel that even if you have the compassion for patients, it is hard to take good care of them, as busy as this profession is. Personally, I'd rather push paper somewhere outside of nursing for less money and volunteer in a hospital, where you can feel like you make a difference!!!

I have been told by others that I am good with patients, am caring, am sympathetic. My last job I was told that I was progressing just as they expected a new grad to. So basically, I don't think I can't do this job (ok, sometimes I do). In fact, if I went now to my manager about wanting to quit I'd probably get the whole "it's just new" speel. Even my husband encourages me telling me how smart I am and that he knows I would be a good nurse, etc. etc...I just don't think I am going to ever be happy doing this job. I am frustrated because every time I vent to others (especially other new grads) I get the same lecture. The one given here as well. The speel about how all new grads feel this way, confidence comes with time, the first 1-2 years is hell, etc, etc, etc. BUT...shouldn't there be something I like about my job?? Even when I get the paycheck, all I think is "wow, this is not worth it". When I get to the hospital door in the morning, all I want to do is run the other way. I watch the clock, how much longer before I can LEAVE? I don't get warm fuzzies helping patients although I do feel sorry for many of them but helping them somehow isn't really rewarding to me. I know this is how I feel yet I still go back and forth about whether I need to stick this out! Make this magical year work. It is so stressful..I feel double stressful when you just can't see the reasons why you are doing something. I can make some money in another job, albeit less but I also won't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. For direction, I seek everyone else's opinion rather than trusting myself. I just don't want it to be that fear got the best of me but all things considered...do you think it is time to wave the white flag, admit I made a mistake, and move on to the next career choice?? How sad that i didn't get out sooner, but what can you do?

All my friends just say I am scared, we all feel this way, etc, etc. I remind them how I told them all through school I wasn't sure this was for me and they just say "you have to think positive and just do it". I guess society is just so against getting degree and then not using it. It is so taboo. My family thinks I need to give up nursing now and pick something else, that it was never right for me. My husband just thinks my family is being unsupportive and doesn't want me to succeed. Why is it just not OK for me not to like this? And even more troubling, why can't I just admit to myself I don't like it and not feel guilty and MOVE ON? A lot of this is my fault, the whole going back and forth!

How do you quit and tell your manager, Oops, sorry for wasting your time but I finally realize nursing is not for me? This is just so embarrassing. If I give this up this time, I am never coming back. I think maybe this is not my "niche" but I don't know if there is any niche for me here. I wish there were others like me here who just really made the wrong decision. I don't know who I pursued this for but it sure doesn't feel like me. I think I'd rather sit in a lab and spin blood samples in a centrifuge. That was one of the things that looked better in the beginning!!!

I guess a life spent making mistakes is better than a life spent doing nothing!?

thanks for listening.

[sistasoul]

Well, I am really glad there are so many different opinions here. I especially like how no one is acting like I'll absolutely ruin my life if I leave my job. Pretty much that is how everyone in my 'real' world is acting. I don't know if I have been sticking with this just to please them so no one thinks I am a failure. It is hard when you went to school for this and everyone asks you if you are working and do you like it and then you say NO and up goes that eyebrow. Like, HUH? Oh no, that can't possibly be, right? I mean, why would anyone stay with something and go to school and all if they didn't like it? Although some of these people were the ones who KNEW I didn't like it and still cheered me on and pushed me to finish school. Now here comes the judgment! WTH? If I had quit during school everyone would have been thinking I gave up and well, might as well finish school if you made it this far..you know, you can't win! :) And I did finish school....all the while losing my 60 yr old father to cancer in 6 mos, losing 2 grandmothers, my cat, and my unborn child. So, I think that was quite an accomplishment!

I was working in my non clinical job the other day. An aquaintance who knows I went to school said to me, "Hey, aren't you an RN now?" I said "yes" (she doesn't know about my RN job). She goes, "Well.....what are you doing here then????!!!!", you know, all aghast:lol2:. Inside I was laughing. I wanted to say, "Oh, cuz I was smart and got the he!* out!!!" Funny how people outside of the profession just have no clue whatsoever. Next time someone asks me I am just going to say, "You know what? turns out I don't like it" and then see the look on their face, lol. People just don't get it.

I'll look into other areas of floor nursing as well as advancing my degree (I have 2 associates but no bachelors). I have very good things going on in my personal life right now to concentrate on and a Happy Christmas to celebrate! Life is too short to dread every day.

Thanx!

I agree. People have no idea what it is to be a nurse. I have one more semester left and I complain a lot about the workload and the Clinical instructors. My brother always says "But you will be making more money than me when you graduate and it is one of the only professions where you are guaranteed work". He thinks all patients are like him when he is in the hospital. He is 44, healthy and pleasant. When he had his laminectomy I am sure he was a dream patient. He thinks all nurses do is give medications and get pillows, etc.

Most people have no idea.

I work as an aide at a hospital and I was telling him how I have to change attends when patients are incontinent. He says, "You do that". I said I have done it many, many times. What do you think nurses and LNA's do?

My mother is always asking what do I do at clinicals and work. I explain it to her but I don't think she realizes the responsibility nurses have. Most people don't. that is why their are irate family members when you can't get to the call bells in a timely fashion.

I really like the patients and the hands on part of the job (as an LNA) but I can see where there are just to many patients to keep track of. It is not like you can just go into the patients room to do what you have to do and get out. There is always some more to do when you get in the room and you can never get out. This is where the time factor comes in. If nurses had less patients it would solve a lot of this problem.

[Midwest4me]

Life is too darn short to be as unhappy as you sound in this field. You most certainly are dissatisfied with nursing and SHOULD listen to your instincts to leave it, but FIRST check out the various specialties. THEN check out lab positions--you made mention of perhaps sitting at a centrifuge station--look into what schooling is required to work in various lab personnel capacities. I wish you the very best of luck!:)

[nurseinlimbo]

I feel the same way lots of times, although I do enjoy bedside care, and enjoy working with the patients, especially the elderly.

I had pictured myself doing work that was much more challenging, such as what we are lead to believe in school. I even went so far as to get OR training, but was sad to find that in that area where I thought nurses would be treated with respect, we are not, and everywhere that you go you are just a warm body.

I currently work a night shift rotation in LTC, where my responsibilities are very simple, filing, faxing, a few medications, a dressing or 2, generally a night can go by without a bell ever ringing or anyone ever asking for me other than my scheduled duties. My other job is more interesting, kind of like acute rural nursing, 4 beds with palliative care and the occasional IV, but I have been waiting 4 years to get regular shifts, only work PRN.

I am tired of the nights, tired of the last minute calls, tired of not being able to ask for a day off when I need it. Tired of being expected to work double shifts because we have no staff, and especially now that I am a special needs individual myself, having just recovered from and in rehab for a fractured femur, which no one seems to understand doesn't just go away all at once. I am in pain all the time, but my co-workers still expect me to chug along doing the OT just because they do. If I quit, my manager all but won't let me, and if I don't I get a guilt trip every time I go to work.

I was a PCA before school, encouraged to go into nursing by family because of the money, every nurse I talked to said they would never do it again. I wanted to take accounting or something in computers, but because there was job security and availability in nursing, here I am.

I can't wait for the day that I can say PRN only in one place (the job I like) and not worry if I don't get a shift in a week. Unlike some people I do have a light at the end of the tunnel, as we are to eventually take over an established family business, but I really feel for those who face stayiing because of money or because they can't go back to school to take something else.

Until the shortage is solved I fear we will continue to have these problems.

[RainDreamer, BSN, RN]

I have very good things going on in my personal life right now to concentrate on and a Happy Christmas to celebrate! Life is too short to dread every day.

I'm so glad to hear that!! THAT is definitely what you need to be focusing on right now. It sounds like you went through hell and back during school, with everything you had going on in your life. I'm so glad to hear you've got good things going on now ...... wonderful!! :)

All those people that are being judgemental and not supportive probably have no idea what it's like to work as a nurse. Stuff like that ticks me off too. I don't know if a lot of people think that the bulk of a nurse's day is just taking a few orders from doctors and giving a few shots or what, but they act like you've got it made when you work as a nurse because the pay isn't bad.

I'm glad you're able to come here and get some support you need. You're definitely not the first person to ever feel like this!

Hope you and your family have a great holiday season!

[Faeriewand, ASN, RN]

thrashej, I know you mentioned research nursing and I was thinking the same thing when you said how much you like learning. There are so many different avenues to take in nursing, why choose floor nursing when you hate it? Have you thought about clinic work? What about dialysis nurse? You have so many choices.

I know after reading posts on all nurses for a long time that many have said how they hated their first year in nursing and just wanted to quit so you are not alone.

And since you love learning so much it sounds like a good idea to go on and get your BSN so you can go into whatever field suits you. :) Good luck!

[Toquay]

Go with what your heart tells you, the demands on nurses will get much worse before they ever get better. I agree with a previous poster about getting more nurses with real nurse experience in management, the draw back to this I have seen is when anyone butts head with upper management views they do not last long in their management position. I think the frustration of being in management would be much worse than being the peon. Most conform to whipping the sled dogs or hiding in their offices, they have very little support in dealing with the stress as upper management cares more about the "bottom line" and the staff feel forgotten. At least with staff nursing we have support from our fellow nurses in the trenches with us. So follow your heart do what you know is right for you and pray that in the future healthcare will once again be about taking care of the sick people who need care and the people who provide the service.

Toq

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

I'm so glad to hear that!! THAT is definitely what you need to be focusing on right now. It sounds like you went through hell and back during school, with everything you had going on in your life. I'm so glad to hear you've got good things going on now ...... wonderful!! :)

All those people that are being judgemental and not supportive probably have no idea what it's like to work as a nurse. Stuff like that ticks me off too. I don't know if a lot of people think that the bulk of a nurse's day is just taking a few orders from doctors and giving a few shots or what, but they act like you've got it made when you work as a nurse because the pay isn't bad.

I'm glad you're able to come here and get some support you need. You're definitely not the first person to ever feel like this!

Hope you and your family have a great holiday season!

Awwww....thank you so much Raindreamer! You've been a great support to me througout!:icon_hug::1luvu:

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

Have you thought about public health nursing? You would need to get your BSN, but once you earned it, you could say goodbye to the hospital forever and work in public health.

[Valerie Salva, BSN, RN]

thrashej,

I think you are doing the right thing. I've known a number of nurses who are in their late forties and fifties, who hate being nurses. They hated it from day one, but didn't get out. They ruined their lives by staying. You are going to improve your life by getting out.

These nurses are sad, bitter, miserable people. Not one of them is a good nurse.

Maybe they were at one time, but they just couldn't fake it anymore.

I think that realizing that nursing is not for you, and taking actions to get out and into something you'll enjoy is about the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.