I lost my first patient... how do you cope?

[Kharma711]

I've seen a couple other people's patients pass on when DNR, but I just lost my first patient assigned to me and it was heartbreaking.

First, it was a teenage boy... he was so young and never got to truly live his life. There was absolutely nothing I could do for him but I feel like I could have done something...

He had a lot of family at the bedside when he passed and honestly I had a hard time dealing with the family... not because they were needy or anything but because I just didn't know what to do or say for them...

I rationally know that losing patients happens, but this experience kind of broke my heart... I did as much as I could and awkwardly talked with the family...

When he passed on, I printed the Tele strip of his last heart beat and gave it to his mother. She cried and hugged me and while I mostly kept my composure, I've never ever wanted to cry at work more than that moment...

Now I'm home and I can't stop thinking about it... I've cried and talked a bit to family and friends but I still feel this sorrow in my heart. I feel for his family and I wish I could have said or done something more for them...

How do I deal with this? Any advice welcomed

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

Not everyone in our care is meant to be saved. Some things are beyond our control. You do what you can, and you move on knowing that at the moment of need, you were compassionate and caring until the very end, but you have to provide hope to your other patients. Sometimes, just being there and being silent is all that you can do.

[Kharma711]

Not everyone in our care is meant to be saved. Some things are beyond our control. You do what you can, and you move on knowing that at the moment of need, you were compassionate and caring until the very end, but you have to provide hope to your other patients. Sometimes, just being there and being silent is all that you can do.

I hear that and understand but I feel like I was lacking... I didn't know how to talk to his family and was so afraid of giving him more pain medicine and I just feel inadequate in the face of this tragedy... I don't know how to just file it away now. I've been crying since I got off work...

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

Had you not gone to work for that shift, it would have been another nurse standing in your shoes. Giving pain meds (in itself) does not save anyone. It simply makes the condition a little more tolerable in some cases.

Many of us have walked in your shoes. I believe ICU nurses experience this far more than anyone else in the field...even more than hospice nurses (here, death is expected).

Whether you're a healthcare person or not will never change the fact that every single person on this earth is born to die. Not everyone will get to experience the different stages of the life cycle.

You have to accept that as a nurse and a person. It won't change how we feel about it, but you must not let guilt feelings impact your work.

Chin up and go do what you do. We keep going to work, knowing that someone else is going to die. All we can do is just hope that it's not today.

Talk to your colleagues. You'll find that you're not alone.

[amoLucia]

If you have access to EAP (Employee Assistance/Counseling) through your workplace, they can help. Or Chaplain Services.

Experienced peers are good support too. Some deaths hit harder than others.

I thought the EKG strip was extremely moving. Take care of yourself.

[Davey Do]

First and foremost, Kharma, you were there for your patient and his loved ones and did whatever you could, and that's what nursing is all about.

My heart goes out to you.

[Love2Sleep, BSN, RN]

When he passed on, I printed the Tele strip of his last heart beat and gave it to his mother. She cried and hugged me and while I mostly kept my composure, I've never ever wanted to cry at work more than that moment..

I just want to let you know how lovely this gesture is. I'm sure his mother appreciates that she is able to see her little boy's heartbeat. Hugs to you!