I don't know what to do...

  1. I am an LPN (older) who opted to go to school to obtain a lifelong dream of becoming an RN. Because of my age, I couldn't do the 4 year college, but I did enroll in school to obtain an Associate Degree. (4 years would put me very close to retirement age - not the time to have a huge student loan payoff).

    I feel silly putting this into print, but I just feel like I have to whine to someone. I was totally blindsided the other night when my husband went berserk over several things, but one was my going to school. I won't go into the details but he got very ugly about the whole thing (my going to school). I did drop out of my classes for this term just to try to keep the peace. I don't know whether I should try to go back next term or just give up. I can stay in nursing as an LPN and retire I suppose, but I really wanted to do a specific kind of nursing that requires an RN status. Perhaps it is just not to be.

    I feel so sad because I don't see any way to get what I want except by defying him. We've been married a very long time and I can't just toss all that away either. I'm so sad.

    I know there is nothing that anyone can really offer for me to do about this, but I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
  2. Visit HuggyPuglet profile page

    About HuggyPuglet

    Joined: Jul '05; Posts: 109; Likes: 7

    21 Comments

  3. by   kyliebear
    Bless your heart. Sometimes when I don't feel like my DH understands where I'm coming from I write him a letter, just so I know he hears what I have to say. Maybe he doesn't realize how important this is to you. I'm an LPN and I just feel like I need to prove to myself I can succeed as an RN. I totally understand why this is something you need to do. No matter what your age is. Don't give up. Give him some time and then try again. Let him know why it's important to you to do this. Do you really think he would give up his marriage because of this. I'm sorry you have to be put in this position. Good Luck
  4. by   Antikigirl
    Why don't you try having a sit down and talk about the things that are bothering him about you going back to school and getting you RN? Maybe there are parts of school or RN that are bothersome or uncomfortable for him, and he just isn't making it too specific for you.

    I had a friend that went into RN school, then all the sudden her hubby was angry all the time. She could never achieve the peace and almost dropped out. But she had a sit down with him in a nice quiet room, phone off, a bottle of wine, and just talked!

    Wound up that he was scared of loosing her to another student, or after RN a Doctor! He felt that he wasn't in the same league as students or medics..and felt very volunerable! She was shocked to find out this was causing the probelm and they found ways to overcome his anxiety, and still let her have her dream!

    Sitting down and having a talk to the person you share your life with is always a good idea...I try to do it once or more a week! Just to talk or complain or get things out in the open! That way much doesn't pass by either of us without us knowing what is up! Good stuff..and wonderful relief from the kids...LOL!!!!!!

    Marriage counsiling is also very good. Seems like he is getting angry for his reasons, but not letting you express yours or yours may just trigger more of his and vs versa...ya know that cycle..I think all married couples and couples do! LOL!

    Don't quit unless you have a reason that you can live your whole life with with no regrets...regrets stay for good. Communicate well, with assistance if necessary, so that you both have a chance to voice your opinions and make a sound choice for the both of you! One sided doesn't work on a two way street .

    Good luck!
  5. by   traumaRUs
    Bring your husband into the decision of getting your RN...more time with him eventually, more money for retirement, etc..

    I am so sorry for the stress this is causing you.
  6. by   leslie :-D
    i'm really sorry huggy.
    it sounds like he's feeling threatened.
    chances are, the anger is displaced and he's not even sure what he's so upset about.
    if he is amenable to talking, i would go that route.
    try to gently find out exactly what he's reacting to.
    often our husbands react when they feel we're becoming 'successful':
    that they will lose us, that we'll outgrow them, that we'll find someone more exciting, etc...
    please, don't lose sight of your vision.
    do go for your rn.
    no one will benefit if you unwillingly cast aside your dream and now there are 2 unhappy people.
    honest communication will open many doors.

    with peace,

    leslie
  7. by   texas_lvn
    Quote from HuggyPuglet
    I am an LPN (older) who opted to go to school to obtain a lifelong dream of becoming an RN. Because of my age, I couldn't do the 4 year college, but I did enroll in school to obtain an Associate Degree. (4 years would put me very close to retirement age - not the time to have a huge student loan payoff).

    I feel silly putting this into print, but I just feel like I have to whine to someone. I was totally blindsided the other night when my husband went berserk over several things, but one was my going to school. I won't go into the details but he got very ugly about the whole thing (my going to school). I did drop out of my classes for this term just to try to keep the peace. I don't know whether I should try to go back next term or just give up. I can stay in nursing as an LPN and retire I suppose, but I really wanted to do a specific kind of nursing that requires an RN status. Perhaps it is just not to be.

    I feel so sad because I don't see any way to get what I want except by defying him. We've been married a very long time and I can't just toss all that away either. I'm so sad.

    I know there is nothing that anyone can really offer for me to do about this, but I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

    Well, loved one, you came to the right place to vent. I am very sorry you are in this position, and I agreee with some of the posts stating sit down and talk with hubby. (((((((hugs)))))))

    I have no advice to give you, only a tender heart and solid shoulder.
  8. by   TheCommuter
    My friend and I were discussing this very same issue a few weeks ago. She is an LPN with a BA degree in social work who has applied to several RN programs. However, her husband is not supportive of her plans to return to school and further her education. She stated, "Women are always expected to accomodate our men and our families, but men usually aren't expected to make the same sacrifices or accomodations."

    If I were you, I would pursue that RN license. It is definitely easier said than done, but it can be accomplished.
  9. by   chadash
    Any possibility of a weekend for just the two of you to talk and relax?
    It could be finances, time pressures, a feeling that he is losing control of his circumstances....help him see the benefits for the whole family in your achieving this.
  10. by   momdebo
    Vent away. We're all here for you. I would also agree with the idea of trying to talk to him. Hang on to your dream. Just today an LPN that I work with was talking about getting her RN, but, just like you, she had to consider her husband, her kids etc. She really wants to teach and I know she would be awesome. She is one of the most incredible nurses I've ever had the pleasure to work with and I think it would be a real shame if students would have to miss out on her talents. That's something to think about, how many lives will miss out on having met you if you don't go for this. I'll be praying for ya. :icon_hug:
  11. by   anne74
    Wow. I guess there are perks for being single. I don't understand why someone who loves you, wouldn't support you in your dreams? What could his reasoning be to not let you pursue your goals? That makes me very sad. Good luck to you.
  12. by   santhony44
    I agree with all the above. Try to talk it out and figure out why this is bothering him so much. It doesn't sound as if this is typical behavior for him so there has to be something bothering him.

    Also consider if there is a pastor or someone who could sit down with the two of you and help get it sorted out. Sometimes men listen to other people better than they do their wives!

    Best of luck to the two of you!
  13. by   SharonH, RN
    You are not alone. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine enrolled in a program to get her BSN and her husband went beserk. He couldn't understand why she was doing it when she was already a nurse, it was taking her away from the family, blah-blah-blah. He was so unsupportive and harassed her so much that she dropped after one class and one semester and will not return. In the meantime, he returned to school and got his degree. Nice, huh?

    I just finished my master's in May and while my husband was verbally supportive, I honestly felt some days that he was subconciously trying to sabotage me. I won't go into details but I refused to give up and he got over it. (Or maybe he didn't, but I don't care).

    Some men can be very immature and easily threatened by their wives attempting to advance or improve themselves, let him calm down and explain why you are doing it and what it would mean for you and if he still won't try to understand, you will have to make a choice. But I'd think real hard about a man who doesn't care about my feelings and is willing to keep my back so he doesn't feel threatened.
  14. by   Otessa
    it may be time for some marital counseling. Why is he so angry about you going back to school? Is it because you will be gone plus you are working and he won't see you/ Do you have children-will you lose time with them? Is there not enough $$ to pay for school and he feels stressed about that?


    It sounds like it is more than about school......

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