How do I tell them?

  1. I will be starting my new job soon (as a new grad) and I am afraid the subject of "significant other" will come up soon. I am afraid if my new co-workers know about my long time boyfriend who lives 3 hours away, they will automatically assume I am only working there for a year just to get the experience and will leave them. If they assume that I think they will not want to be a "nice" co-worker and will not try to bond with me.

    How can I go about without mentioning to anyone about my bf? You know how it is sometimes, the subject is just brought up in conversations, not necessarily interrogating. Do I deny his existence?
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  2. Visit violet_violet profile page

    About violet_violet

    Joined: Jul '10; Posts: 126; Likes: 31
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    12 Comments

  3. by   roser13
    I say, don't borrow trouble. Have you had this happen to you in the past? Or is it actually your plan to only work 1 year and you're feeling prematurely guilty about it? Lots of people have long-distance relationships, particularly these days with video interface, etc., so I was just curious as to why this even occurred to you to worry about.

    I think you should just socialize as usual with your co-workers. If the bf subject comes up, just answer honestly. Now if you lived 3 hours away and planned to commute, I could see the skepticism coming from others.
  4. by   Marleyna
    I am sure no one expects you to stick it out on the same unit for a lifetime. People's circumstances change and they need to move on and seek different opportunities. If you are committed to the organization and plan to be there for a long time, then disclose that to your convenience. I don't think dishonesty would be the way to go though. If the subject comes up then let them know but you don't need to say "I plan to leave in a year" if that is your actual plan. I am sure they would understand your circumstances and if you had to move they wouldn't hold a grudge to that as long as you're not up and running away the next shift.

    Good luck!
  5. by   LouisVRN
    Even if they ask about your significant other why would you mention he lives 3 hours away? They are probably asking to find out more about you, not him. I can tell you which of my co-workers have bfs, gfs, which are married, engaged or about to be divorced but I can not tell you what the vast majority of their spouses do, live or their names. If they ask, and you feel like telling them I would just say, "Yes, I have a long time bf, insert name here. How about you?"
  6. by   Katie5
    Unless there is the small probelm of running mouth disease, the above poster nailed a perfect response to that question.

    Thumbs up at LouisVRN and congrats on your new job
  7. by   violet_violet
    Reason why I ask or am a little concern is because I was offered a job a few months ago and the job was rescended (I had a posting about this). I had worked there at that unit as a student nurse for a preceptorship. When I applied to the position, the RN who I was working with knew about my bf and she had asked me a question during the interview I felt was borderline discrimination questioning my dedication. The RN knew of my bf and most likely assume that I would be there only for the 1 year experience and would take off after that. I can understand that she was concern of staff retention however the question she asked me could have been better phrased. I am afraid of the same or negative view with the new co-workers if they knew of my bf.
  8. by   Ruby Vee
    i think you're worried about a non-issue. people who ask about your boyfriend are asking to make conversation or to attempt to "bond" with you. tell them whatever you want, but tell them something or it looks as if you're either unfriendly or trying to hide something.
  9. by   JacknSweetpea
    Keep boundaries with your new co-workers. Trust me...you don't want them knowing everything about you off the bat. Trusting people takes time, especially in our field. Mention your significant other if you wish in conversation, but I would not seek opportunities to do so. Keep the conversation pertinent to the workplace. Good luck.
  10. by   April, RN
    I think you're worried over nothing, too. No one knows if he's trying to find a job closer to you, if you are planning to leave after a year, if you two will break up eventually... and it shouldn't matter anyway. If you are that worried, just limit the amount of details you give out about your personal life until you feel comfortable with your co-workers.
  11. by   carrotstix
    I am in a long distance relationship and I know a few other women on my unit who are too. My coworkers are real sweet about it. I dont feel like it has impeded my 'bonding' with them.

    It would probably depend on your unit culture. We have a staff of about 120 nurses on my floor so perhaps the thought of one nurse moving away after a year or two of working doesn't have the same impact as it would on a small unit.
  12. by   JbreezyRN
    I got a new job on this long term facility and everyone knew Im in a long distance relationship and plan on moving to california sometime in the future.I think you are worrying about something you shouldn't. Who says you are obligated to work there for a specific span of time? I agree with the poster above, peoples' agendas change from time to time and it happens. And yes, if they ask something like that its because they just want to get to know you, just dont assume right away they're gona have a bad view of you. I tell my co-workers yes I do plan on just getting experience, and they still love me to death even though they know I don't plan on stayin long term. Best of luck to you!
  13. by   RNDreamer
    I don't talk about my personal life at work, except general things too boring to be part of gossip. If asked, I would just be vague or make something up. They don't need to know the details of your relationship.

    I remember your post about the interview.

    And congrats on this job offer!
  14. by   traumaRUs
    Hubby and I live 3 hours apart. We've been doing this for well over two years and plan to do it for the forseeable future.

    My co-workers know I'm married (for well over 30 years - lol) but in this day and age with the economy so bad, we just consider it the price we have to pay in order ot have good jobs. `

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