Help! Question for all RN's! ARE NURSES MEAN TO EACHOTHER??

Nurses General Nursing

Published

hi, i'm a student applying to nursing schools right now. some of my friends are in nursing school, and i know a person that is an rn. i understand that nurses mostly consist of women... i'm a girl and i know how girls can be to eachother - unecessarily gossipy, clique-ish, or just downright mean. has anyone seen mean girls the movie? yes, a teenie bopper film, i know, but unfortunately some women more or less, adults can perpetuate their rude mannerisms. i know not all employees are perfect and we don't live in a perfect world, however i hear stories from friends... stories about how their clinical (girl) instructors at school are b*tches, and like to take power trips.... or how my friend worked at a hospital being a student nurse, and the staff was totally divided up into cliques, specifically races (ie fillipinos, caucasians, african-americans, etc). or an rn i know gets treated meanly, with attitudes thrown her way when she is so nice, and is sometimes ostracized by her employees bc they break off into cliques! :smiley_abi know that nursing is about helping others, and of course, has its positives, but when i imagine myself being a nurse, i can't help but to worry about how social conflicts, or employee to employee interactions may come about. i know all jobs can be like this of course... but nurses seem to have more of that problem? can someone help me out and be honest??

Gennaver, MSN

1,686 Posts

Specializes in Ortho, Med surg and L&D.
hi, i'm a student applying to nursing schools right now. some of my friends are in nursing school, and i know a person that is an rn. i understand that nurses mostly consist of women... i'm a girl and i know how girls can be to eachother - unecessarily gossipy, clique-ish, or just downright mean. has anyone seen mean girls the movie? yes, a teenie bopper film, i know, ...

hi,

i'm 40 and i thought the "mean girls" movie was great.

i think you are asking about the feminine form of aggression. yes there are emotionally aggressive woman and some are in the field of nursing.

if you do a google search on nursing bullys and nurse bullies and patients you will come across several studies.

the thing is, regardless if a bully is a nurse or any other co-worker, a bully can only bully you if you are a target. it can become harassment yet, there are strategies to avoid becoming a victim/target.

yet many people come to nursing as a profession because they are empathetic, sensitive and caring individuals and they may be at risk for their own improper boundaries. remember that being caring and kind does not mean being a doormat and a target for bullies.

in one link i came across about nurse bullies it mentioned that sometimes they will indeed group up and chase a nurse out of their unit. hmph. be an individual and recognize emotional aggression, inappropriate behavior and bully tactics when you see them and call it, (do not let it slide, speak up in an appropriate form).

i have worked in units with bullies and units without them. two units i worked at in a local hospital were both run and ruled by nurse assistant bully cliques! phew! crazy. they ruled the floor and i am certain caused stress to even both nurse managers. yes, they both chased me off the floor. one nurse manager asked me to stay for a few months while they worked it out but, due to threats of physical violence, i left, regrettably. the other nurse manager was wrapped around the assistants finger. the assistant had been there 20 years and was obvious to everyone but the manager.

hindsight is 20/20, bullies are not worth leaving a job yet, a toxic workplace and timing are factors to consider.

gen

Tweety, BSN, RN

34,250 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

In the 16 years I've been in the profression I have can honestly answer that nurses are not mean to each other.

Have I seen mean nurses? One or two.

Are there toxic environments? Yes there are. Are all nursing units in every nursing hospital around the country full of catty backbiting gossiping nurses? No.

Go to nursing school and look for cliques and students who gossip and you're going to find that and come here can complain.

Go to nursing school knowing that there are going to be all kinds of people, that it's human nature to talk about each other and the instructors, that people are going to make friends and hang out together, and with an attitude that you're going to make the best of the experience, be supportive of your fellow students and find those who are going to support you.........and you're going to find it and report here a good experience.

You can make the difference in what you see and how you react.

Too often a student or a nurse is burned by one or two people and brands the entire profession in a negative fashion.

mimi_j

2 Posts

Specializes in mother/baby,med/surg,ortho,tele.

My feelings on this subject are pretty strong as I am dealing with "bullies" on my unit right now and have had enough of the indeed-toxic environment and looking for a new job. I have worked on 4 different units (one as a nursing assistant, 3 as an RN) and its been 50/50 as far as good teamwork vs. toxic atmosphere. Some people stay at jobs forever and watch alot of turnover as there are so many opportunities for nurses so people often leave and new ones come. So, those people are fine with the environment no matter what. I have decided I cant work like that, day after day feeling extremely stressed for 12+ hours and on pins & needles every time I walk down the hall. The direct way to answer your question: Yes! the bullies are there. But, you know what? I remember bullies when I was a receptionist in a law office too. EVERY WORKPLACE has a myriad of personalities from the nice, quiet folks to the crazies. What I think is important is that you have management with a zero tolerance for cliques, harassment, etc. Personally, I work for someone who wants to be friends with the clique-y folks instead of managing them, so I gotta go!

I just recently graduated and am now working at my frist job. There are always going to be nurses who are mean to other people because that's just the way they are. There is one girl on my unit now that will not look at me, will not talk to me, the body language I get from her makes me know well aware of the fact that she does not want me around. Its funny too because I think I have said about two words to her. I really don't know how to handle it exactly either because I am the new kid on the block and she has worked there a couple years. That means everyone knows her, is friends with her and when we are in the break room, etc. I want to be apart of the group conversations but she makes me feel not wanted even though everyone else is nice. Basically I just try to pretend that it isn't going on and hopefully once she gets to know me she will open up to me. If she doesn't I am certainly not going to let her ruin my job for me. It just isn't worth letting one or two people get you down.

gonzo1, ASN, RN

1,739 Posts

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

In my 30 plus years of working many kinds of jobs I have discovered that every kind of job is subject to these same problems. I have worked places where everyone got along famously and I was part of it too. And I have worked places that were very toxic. Fortunately the world is big enough that we can search out and find our perfect spot.

When I first started in my ER I was bullied by a couple of nurses. Everyone else was very supportive so I stayed. Several months later those nurses had moved on. And life was good.

Then I ended up on a rotation with a group that I did not feel part of and didn't work well with. I changed days at the suggestion of our boss and life is now a beatiful thing. Everyone works together like a champ. There is not a dud in the bunch.

I always make it a point to approach all new people and agency and make sure they feel very welcome. If you are a sensitive person who often feels left out make sure you approach new people and make them welcome. Before long you will have a large circle of friends.

There is no where you can go to avoid these problems so don't give up on nursing just for this reason. Nursing is very rewarding and well worth the effort.

gonzo1, ASN, RN

1,739 Posts

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

Forgot to add. School can be a challenge due to the many personalities you will encounter. Just keep in mind you are there to learn how to help people and save lives and don't worry about the mean people or people you can't get along with. Use your time in school to study and learn the most that you can. That way you will be the best nurse you can be.

wmarat, BSN, RN

107 Posts

Specializes in Hemodialysis, peritoneal dialysis, transplant..
In the 16 years I've been in the profression I have can honestly answer that nurses are not mean to each other.

Have I seen mean nurses? One or two.

Are there toxic environments? Yes there are. Are all nursing units in every nursing hospital around the country full of catty backbiting gossiping nurses? No.

Go to nursing school and look for cliques and students who gossip and you're going to find that and come here can complain.

Go to nursing school knowing that there are going to be all kinds of people, that it's human nature to talk about each other and the instructors, that people are going to make friends and hang out together, and with an attitude that you're going to make the best of the experience, be supportive of your fellow students and find those who are going to support you.........and you're going to find it and report here a good experience.

You can make the difference in what you see and how you react.

Too often a student or a nurse is burned by one or two people and brands the entire profession in a negative fashion.

In the 21 years I've been in the profression I have can honestly answer that nurses ARE mean to each other.

traumalover, RN

101 Posts

Specializes in ICU/ER.

Not all nurses are mean. We have a very nice team. Yeah there are some-just like there are mean people everywhere. I have had other jobs and actually like my coworkers now the best. Abd you know, if someone doesn't like me , who cares? You're not going to like everyone, not everyone's gonna like you. If someone's saying something I don't like about someone else, I say "Hey, I'm not gonna talk about that." They don't usually get angry, just don't talk to me about it. If someone's being bullied, offer friendship and support. I think any group that's female dominated would have the same issues. And I think work is WAY BETTER than high school. I love most of my coworkers. Hope that helps

Ruby Vee, BSN

17 Articles; 14,030 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
there is one girl on my unit now that will not look at me, will not talk to me, the body language i get from her makes me know well aware of the fact that she does not want me around. its funny too because i think i have said about two words to her. i really don't know how to handle it exactly either because i am the new kid on the block and she has worked there a couple years. that means everyone knows her, is friends with her and when we are in the break room, etc. i want to be apart of the group conversations but she makes me feel not wanted even though everyone else is nice. .

just because she's been on the unit longer doesn't mean that everyone knows her and likes her. they may not like her any better than you do.

In my 30 plus years of working many kinds of jobs I have discovered that every kind of job is subject to these same problems. I have worked places where everyone got along famously and I was part of it too. And I have worked places that were very toxic. Fortunately the world is big enough that we can search out and find our perfect spot.

When I first started in my ER I was bullied by a couple of nurses. Everyone else was very supportive so I stayed. Several months later those nurses had moved on. And life was good.

Then I ended up on a rotation with a group that I did not feel part of and didn't work well with. I changed days at the suggestion of our boss and life is now a beatiful thing. Everyone works together like a champ. There is not a dud in the bunch.

I always make it a point to approach all new people and agency and make sure they feel very welcome. If you are a sensitive person who often feels left out make sure you approach new people and make them welcome. Before long you will have a large circle of friends.

There is no where you can go to avoid these problems so don't give up on nursing just for this reason. Nursing is very rewarding and well worth the effort.

i agree. it's in every field. you should see medicine! they're total cut - throat.

i think it's human nature to reject new people and change.

however, i think in nursing it seems like it's more prominent because the new people NEED the experienced ones to teach them, and show them the ropes. new nurses think that the older ones are just going to embrace them like their mothers, and it's just not going to happen.

again, you should see medicine! if you think some surgeon is going to explain a procedure to an intern twice with a nice disposition, you're dreaming. he'll say "get it right or leave."

TazziRN, RN

6,487 Posts

I agree with Tweety. I have seen mean nurses but I think it's more in direct relationship to the facility.....there are places that allow the behavior and they become toxic environments. Not all places are like that.

+ Add a Comment