MY POST WAS MOVED, SORRY I AM RE-POSTING. I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO STAY IN GENERAL NURSING, AS I AM NOT A NURSING STUDENT.
So, I didn't really want to come on here to write this, especially knowing I might not get many responses or a response at all. I feel like I am always complaining about this (in my head and to my boyfriend) so I'm just overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, upset...
WARNING I write a lot!
I'll give you guys a summary about me.
Ever since I decided I was going to study to be a nurse (this took years in a CC to finally decide) I really put 110% in everything in order to be able to get into nursing school. I studied really hard to get top grades in my pre-requesites, I was really serious about nursing. I watched YouTube videos, and discovered AllNurses, a place where I would search questions I had, about pre-reques, nursing school, and overall nursing. Once I was done with my pre reqs, I finally was able to apply to the RN program! I did and got rejected. I wasn't so upset, I knew those TEAS scores (
) weren't the greatest, I also didn't feel like it was the end of the world, it kinda just made me want to try harder.
Prior to applying to NS, I got my CNA certificate, so since I didn't make it into the program, I was going to look for a CNA job and get some experience since I had never had any nursing exposure, I also began volunteering at one of our local hospitals. After thinking about what I should do next, I decided I was going to try to make it into the LVN program at the same CC. I only needed a couple pre-req courses to be able to apply, I took them, and got A's, This time, it looked a lot better for the LVN program, having some experience also helped, because I got in! It almost seemed like I was never going to achieve what I had been wanting. Hours and hours were spent here and on YouTube learning about other peoples experiences in NS and I REALLY REALLY wanted it too, I was hungry for it! BUT I was finally in, it took about 3 years Just to TRY to get into the program and about 8 years in CC deciding on a career/taking pre-reqs. I am a very dedicated person, persistent person, I REALLY gave it my all to be in the program.
Being in NS was awesome (I honestly miss it) I learned a TON and I felt very blessed and fortunate to be where I was because it had been a dream of mine, and I was so proud of myself for really putting all my effort into it and never giving up.
I graduated in 2016, all As and Bs, good test scores. I did it!
At this point I felt ready for the NCLEX and ready to start working as a nurse (LTC had never been appealing to me but after some clinical experience, I thought it was ok to start off).
I waited for my ATT. *hurry up!* *I want to take my NCLEX already* *all my classmates got theirs, what about me* *all my classmates passed?? Ok I want to test already* *WOW my classmates got their first jobs as LVNs, I STILL can't test?
8 months after graduating..Finally I got my ATT (at this point I was renewing my CNA and looking for a job, I hadn't been working all this time)
1 year and 1 month later, I finally was able to take the NCLEX and I passed! First time AND after 1 year of graduating!
Now I am here....
So basically guys, I really wanted to be a nurse, I worked really hard to get into nursing school and I really don't want all this effort to go to waste. I over analyze everything, I am a thinker, I'm thinking about everything all the time. Here's where I REALLY need some words or wisdom/encouragement/advice, hence the "please help" in the title.
It's been over a year since I graduated and gradually, the longer it was taking to test and the longer the gap between graduating and now, I feel like I don't have all that information fresh in my brain, I feel like I probably forgot a lot of important information. I don't feel as ready as I did working as a nurse as I did when I had just graduated, working as a CNA and seeing what nurses need to do to keep the patients safe, kinda frightens me a little. What if I don't know what to do? What if there's a change in condition but I didn't catch it soon?
Also as a CNA i'm really slow, what if I'm this slow as nurse and can't keep up? Thinking about this really made me rethink if LTC is really for me. I was looking for slower paced jobs (because I don't think I can work fast pace or under pressure) so I begin looking for clinic jobs. No luck so far I really wanted to be a nurse this year and not go another year not being what I went to school for.
I started thinking and maybe my only option now is going to LTC as an LVN
This is terrifying to me. The way I see nurses in this specialty is that they are very knowledgeable and know exactly what to do, they work so hard and are fast on their feet, I admire that and I aspire to be as knowledgeable as they are. I just don't have the self confidence. I hear LTC is hard, and what if I can't make it there? Then again, I've seen my classmates go from fresh out of NS to LTC nurse and they weren't scared. Why am I so scared? I hate myself sometimes. It's really holding me back. Calling Drs is really intimidating to me, how do I know when to call them? what if they get mad at me? I'm a shy person, phone calls scare me. I'm so scared of not being smart enough, I'm scared of LTC but that seems to be my only option. I've been waiting TOO long for the right place to work but I don't know where else to look. I want to be able to finally say "I'm a nurse" I didn't want to go this year without accomplishing that. I feel so depressed.
Sorry guys, I wrote too long, Im getting sleepy, I apologize if I don't make sense anymore