Families from Hell

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

Specializes in Tele, ED/Pediatrics, CCU/MICU.

Siiighhh.... I'm in the ED, and as you know, almost every patient comes with family members....

Thanksgiving eve, I came on at 11p, and one of my patients was an elderly woman with a documented brain disease.... who, at baseline, was agitated and with mild confusion.... and her daughter brought her to the emergency department... for a change in mental status.

During her stay, daughter bullied the 3p-11p nurse so much that the nurse ended up only speaking minimally to her, and spoke directly to the patient only (despite her less than A&O x 3 status)...

I picked them up at 11.. and the daughter' first request was, "When is she being transferred to the psych facility?"

I then introduced myself, ignored the question, asked how the patient was feeling, checked vitals, and THEN proceeded to explain that papers needed to be signed, & the ambulance had to be called... and that although the timing was out of my control, I'd do my best to give her a timeframe.

I told her when I called the ambulance....we give them an hour to arrive generally.

15 minutes elapsed.... and the daughter came barreling out of the room, found me at the desk, and said "How much longer before the ambulance gets here??"

I calmly stated that I did not know the exact whereabouts of the ambulance, but that she should allow for at least a half hour.

When the patient finally got transferred (screaming, hitting, pinching, "IM NOT CRAZY!!! I WANT TO SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH MY FAMILY!!!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!?!?!?!?") , about 45 seconds elapsed... and before the stretcher was even out of the ambulance bay, the daughter came up to me, and said "Can I go now?"

..............

I'm sure she was feeling caregiver strain and all that good stuff....and I can see it from both sides of the fence... but I was raised to have manners.... and I'm finding that many adults don't have them or lose them once they to the hospital.

Specializes in Med-Surg, HH, Tele, Geriatrics, Psych.

Ahhh yes, families! Some of them are just reacting from the stress of having their loved ones in the hospital, but some are not. When your patient is a frequent flyer and the family is a pain, you know it is just their personality showing through. We have a family right now that has such a sense of entitlement that it is crazy. Of course, management kisses their collective butts, which means it harder for the staff.

I occasionally work overtime night shifts at my workplace (10pm to 6am), and some family members have the audacity to stay in the room all night to ensure that the patient is being cared for. They'll even keep a tablet or legal pad, and jot down when the nurse or aide enters the room.

Other family members boldly ignore the established visiting hours, and will straggle into the facility at 1am. Night shift is a good thing when your workplace actually gives nurses the authority to enforce the visiting hours. However, the managers at my facility tend to coddle to visitors and allow them to get away with anything.

Actually, in LTC that is a good thing. Many facilities are not up to snuff. I can tell you as someone in LTC, when my mom goes to a nursing home it's random surprise overnights and visits. Shrug. If the nurses and aids are good, the family usually lays off them after awhile.

What drives me wild is the families (and even "friends") who occasionally call the floor to see how their loved one is doing..

These are the people who never visit, and I get the impression that their 'phone call absolves them of any guilt they might have...(and haven't they ever heard of HIPPA?)

Being the burnt out witch that I am, I resent them for calling--always at a bad time--that damn phone!---and I do actually remind them, nicely, that our visiting hours are VERY flexible if they'd like to come in and see for themselves how the person is doing...they usually hang up quickly.

I just hate that 'phone. It rings constantly and how am I supposed to do my job if I am always answering the phone!!

What drives me wild is the families (and even "friends") who occasionally call the floor to see how their loved one is doing..

These are the people who never visit, and I get the impression that their 'phone call absolves them of any guilt they might have...(and haven't they ever heard of HIPPA?)

Being the burnt out witch that I am, I resent them for calling--always at a bad time--that damn phone!---and I do actually remind them, nicely, that our visiting hours are VERY flexible if they'd like to come in and see for themselves how the person is doing...they usually hang up quickly.

I just hate that 'phone. It rings constantly and how am

I supposed to do my job if I am always answering the phone!!

How annoying! This is one more issue that hospital administration should have a "policy" to take care of - having to deal with phone calls isn't part of your job description! I worked in a hospital where all incoming calls about a patient's status went to a specific person whose job it was to do this. If you're not on the list of names given by the patient, forget about it! I think you hit it on the head - many calls are made by people who really don't want to see the person. No, it's not like responding to an "R.S.V.P" to visit! Don't most hospitals have direct access phones in the patient's rooms these days? If so, maybe you can give this number to callers, then hang up! This is one more grey area of nursing that requires the skill of a psychiatrist and the patience of a saint! My mother wouldn't discuss her condition with her kids, so we depended on doctors and nurses to let us know what was going on. HIPPA aside, can't anybody walk into a hospital room? This is even worse than calls!

Diahni

I can think of very few times that a patient really got on my nerves or upset me; they are sick and we are not. But the families get worse every year. The attitude was spelled out very clearly when I had a pair of sons come in once and watch me like a hawk. One said to me, "You are here because you are supposed to be taking care of our mother and we are here to make sure that you do." Why does it have to be so adversarial? This is one of the reasons that lazy nurses (there are a few) make me so angry. How can any nurse have time to be passing around personal photos and reading the newspaper these days?! It takes just one of these to convince a family member that we are the enemy, not their best allies. :angryfire But I often wonder how these family members would feel if they had to endure this sort of situation at their own jobs. If they are restaurant cooks, would they want the cousins of a customer going into the kitchen and critiquing how they prepare the meal? Or if they are teachers would they put up with all the parents in the classroom most of the day, telling them how to teach and threatening to call the principal and the board of education if it's not done exactly how the parents want it? Or if they cut hair for a living, how would they handle having all of Dad's children and their spouses show up and demand to be served coffee and have all of their questions about Dad's haircut answered? If only we had visiting hours back, it would be such a relief. We could get some of the patient care done without constant aggravation and the patients could get some much-needed rest.

:YES!:

I was thinking the same thing the other day- it seems like more and more family members are just rude or plain obnoxious! In one shift, I had several different family members question me and the other nurses, "well, you haven't done this, what about that.. blah blah blah" so I finally said to one "All the nurses here are highly educated professionals and we know what we're doing so why don't you just let us do it." I really wanted to say KISS my *** we're not servants or waitresses!

I have had to leave pt's rooms so I my smart mouth won't get me in trouble:angryfire:angryfire

Specializes in Orthopedics/Med-Surg, LDRP.

I had some nasty family members a couple weeks ago of a pt who was transferred to us from ICU after they signed the DNR. It was 11pm and there were like 8 family members in the room and being quite loud and disturbing. We allow 1-2 family member to spend the night on certain circumstances. When I diplomatically went in to give them the hint, one family member got snotty saying that the hospice representative (not employed by the hospital, but an outside contractor) told them that they could have as many people as they wanted and that the doctor said their family member wouldn't live out the night. I had told them about hospital policy (and besides, the pt was VERY stable). I told them they could talk to my director about it in the AM and the one said "well we don't plan on being his this morning, she's going to die tonight." They had even planned the funeral for 5 days later. Needless to say she lived another week and were baffled at how the doctor and hospice representative could have steered them so wrong. :icon_roll They had asked me in the morning why her BP was going up and why her O2 was remaining stable. I told them that people have their own wills to live sometimes and that it could be any matter of days if not weeks. They totally were not into that explanation. *sigh*

Specializes in Orthopedics/Med-Surg, LDRP.

I didn't want the above post to be overy long, so i created a new post about a different family. The pt was on our floor for a broken hip. She had a hx of ovarian CA with mets to the brain. They had done an MRI earlier this week and it showed a 4.5x4.5 large metastatic tumor in the brain with INTERNAL NECROSIS. The family immediately called the Cancer Institute to get this poor, frail 74 year old back on radiation. I wanted to shake these people for their selfishness. It's necrotic. There's no reversal of that no matter how many rounds of radiation/chemo they do. It'll buy her time, but not a better quality of life. She's already only oriented x 1-2, so it's frustrating to know that this poor woman is going to needlessly suffer with this. They've also got her trained to be hooked on the narcs. Everytime someone walks in the room they or the pt asks if we've got pain meds (even if we've medicated her 5 minutes prior!) I'm glad I'm off the next couple of days because I couldn't take another day of them.

They've also got her trained to be hooked on the narcs.
No such animal.

Everytime someone walks in the room they or the pt asks if we've got pain meds (even if we've medicated her 5 minutes prior!)
Sounds like the docs need to address her pain issues.
I can think of very few times that a patient really got on my nerves or upset me; they are sick and we are not. But the families get worse every year. The attitude was spelled out very clearly when I had a pair of sons come in once and watch me like a hawk. One said to me, "You are here because you are supposed to be taking care of our mother and we are here to make sure that you do." Why does it have to be so adversarial? This is one of the reasons that lazy nurses (there are a few) make me so angry. How can any nurse have time to be passing around personal photos and reading the newspaper these days?! It takes just one of these to convince a family member that we are the enemy, not their best allies. :angryfire But I often wonder how these family members would feel if they had to endure this sort of situation at their own jobs. If they are restaurant cooks, would they want the cousins of a customer going into the kitchen and critiquing how they prepare the meal? Or if they are teachers would they put up with all the parents in the classroom most of the day, telling them how to teach and threatening to call the principal and the board of education if it's not done exactly how the parents want it? Or if they cut hair for a living, how would they handle having all of Dad's children and their spouses show up and demand to be served coffee and have all of their questions about Dad's haircut answered? If only we had visiting hours back, it would be such a relief. We could get some of the patient care done without constant aggravation and the patients could get some much-needed rest.

Jan: I think Midwesterners are very polite people! Lucky you.

Diahni

I work in an Out patient Endoscopy Center. We have a doctor who is excellent, but he is constantly late and behind schedule. Guess who hears all the complaints and gets treated badly? Me. the Pre-Op Nurse. I have gotten to where I say, "I understand. I would be hungry and bored and anxious too. Please let the doctor know how you feel." Do they? nooooooo. WHen he rushes in and says "Sorry for the delay" they ALWAYS say "Oh thats ok, doctor." Grrrrrrrrrrr

Specializes in CVICU, CCU, MICU, SICU, Transplant.

I work in the ICU. Regarding annoying/demanding families...

we have a little passive-aggressive technique that we sometimes use, in which we remove the visitor's chairs from the pt's room (when family is not present or steps out, obviously). We find its pretty helpful in encouraging them to not stay too long and get comfortable

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