DO NOT ENTER - NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!
As a child, my family took yearly vacations to a location that was more than 1,000 miles away. That meant many long hours in the car, sharing the back seat with my older brother. YUCK!! We were permitted to take things with us to keep us occupied for the long journey....... coloring books, comic books, games, Barbies, etc. This was well before the time of DVD players mounted in the car. We didn't even have a tape deck. But we did have seat belts which Dad insisted we wear at all times.
This was back in the day when sedans were huge. Good thing, because my brother and I needed our own space. We would draw an imaginary line down the center of the seat, a line that we were not allowed to cross.....unless we had the other person's permission. This arrangement worked out well....most of the time. Oh....we still argued, but we stayed out of each other's personal space.
I also remember the little cabin that my brother and his friends built in our back yard. It was a very cool cabin with windows and a roof that you could raise on one side. And I also remember that it had a lock on the door.........to keep out all girls. I admit that my best friend and I figured out a way to sneak in when my brother was gone. We were trespassing, I guess. My friend and I decided we would make our own cabin......well, more of a tent that wasn't too sturdy. But it was our space......a place where we could play with our Barbies all day long. And the best part was the sign on the front....... DO NOT ENTER - NO BOYS ALLOWED!
These are examples of boundaries. Physical boundaries such as signs, locks, and doors are easy to see. Although they differ in appearance, they still have the same message: This is where my property begins. The owner of the property is responsible for what happens on his or her property.
Other boundaries, such as personal boundaries, are not as easy to see. Just as a homeowner sets physical boundaries around his or her property such as a fence or a hedge, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for out lives to help us distinguish what we are responsible for.
A personal boundary is an invisible fence around our personal space. Boundaries are to keep people from abusing us, trespassing on our turf in an attempt to control us or to try to get us to do something we really don't want to do. Boundaries define us, who we are and who we are not...our feelings, beliefs, values, choices, desires, attitudes, limits, behaviors, actions. A boundary shows us where we end and someone else begins, which leads to an sense of ownership.
Like the homeowner, we are responsible for everything within our boundaries, but we are not responsible for what is in someone else's back yard. We should not try to gain control of or be forced to take responsibility of what is within someone else's boundaries.
All of us have to interact with others.....others who have their own boundaries. We will need to rely on others to help us set and keep boundaries. We have relationships of varying degrees of familiarity. But even within the closest of relationships, boundaries still need to be honored.
Setting boundaries and maintaining them is hard work. We all know people...friends, family members, co-workers, patients, bosses......who trample all over our boundaries. They become indignant at the thought of boundaries and want to have total control over everything and everyone. On the other end of the spectrum are those who have difficulty setting limits, unable to say no or stand up for themselves.
I'm sure you have encountered boundary issues and how they can wreak havoc in the workplace. Some examples are:
- Getting stuck with another's responsibilities
- Having to work too much overtime
- Getting called in on your day off
- Difficult co-workers
- Critical attitudes
- Staff shortage
- Misplaced priorities
- Conflicts with authority
- Taking work-related stress home
- Disliking your job
- Overcommitment
- Burnout
Feel free to tell your stories of boundary issues and how you have dealt with them.
As nurses, we also need to set and maintain professional boundaries. This is addressed in another blog entry, Caution! Don't Cross that Line - Maintaining Professional Boundaries.
For other articles by this author, go to Body, Mind, and Soul
work-cited.txt
