Do any fem. nurses here have Stay at Home husbands/SOs ?

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mario_ragucci

1,041 Posts

Stay in Jail Mom

Marriage never seeped into my life, so I have no kids. Admittedly, I love to be a father because I was raised by two exceptional people, and I'd love to pass that on. It's up to you whether your a "stay at home" or "do things with" kind of Dad. I openly pity the kids I see who have wishy-washy Dads that teach or display positive human traits.

I'd bring my kids to work, but never as todders, or below the age of 5-7.

Happy Wendy - you are cool. Many women have kids just because they want to prove their ability to do something. I stayed away from "all that" and focused on me.

Again, I would love to have kids, be a dad, but you have to find the bestest parner for yourself first, and that is the hard part. I'm sorry :-(

indeed

65 Posts

I understand where you are coming from with this, Huganurse, and it makes sense on a certain level. But it is, in my mind, insulting to men to assume they cannot give the care and love a child needs in those formative years. And it is dangerous to women and our opportunities as women to say that this is a valid reason to expect SAH from a mother much more than a father. Nothing will ever change my opinion of that. I have had to fight tooth and nail for the opportunities my brother was handed at birth. To live your life being told "this is what you should do because of your set of dangly bits," with very few taking into account POTENTIAL, is a sad and sometimes damaging thing (for men AND women), and that kind of position can only contribute to that damage. If staying at home worked for you, and you really do feel better about the whole thing that way and feel you can do more as a PERSON that way, than I wholeheartedly support your decision, as long as it was your choice.

"It really does affect the children when Mom is too busy b/c she works too much, the child feels slighted in many cases. I know b/c they tell me thier deep heart feelings and secrets."

Then let me tell you a not so big secret. Both my mother and father worked when I was a child. My father specifically worked the craziest hours and jobs after he retired from the USAF because it was his "duty as a man" to be working for his family. I didn't know my father then as I know him now, and I directly blame his work life for this...now that we have all left home, he gets to do what he always wanted and needed to do in his career and had the time to get to know his children, something we would have benefitted from long before we ever left. I have always known my mother, and I love her dearly. But finding out now, twenty one years after the fact, that my dad is one of THE most incredible people I have ever met is wonderful...and sad. And I wouldn't deny that opportunity to other children to know their fathers as people, as most of us have always known our mothers. It is not worth the emotional distance that assumption (that mothers raise the children and fathers support them) creates.

Indeed.

OBNURSEHEATHER

1,961 Posts

Originally posted by indeed

As for the "mother being the most important role" bit, tell me then...do you all secretly feel "sorry" for those of us who don't have children (and don't plan on it....ever) because we will never achieve anything "important" in life?

Nope. In fact, sometimes I secretly envy you for being able to do things I can't. But I wouldn't give it up for the world. My day will come.

No one, EVER, in this thread said that poeple without children were inferior or less important. Anyone that thinks that is what is being said must have personal issues regarding their life choices that they are sensitive about.

Heather

OBNURSEHEATHER

1,961 Posts

P.S. Rusty, your wife is a very lucky woman :)

Heather

LasVegasRN

835 Posts

I'm glad Rusty shared on this subject. I could see being supportive in a situation where the Dad:

- Can be depended on to provide well for the kids

- Can be trusted to make sound financial decisions

- Is active in children's activities and education

- Is willing to participate in social functions with and for the children

- Remains supportive, loving, and appreciative of the wife

- Remains sexually active :D and faithful

- Is still able to generate some "bread and egg" money

I don't know of any men today that could meet these standards (except Rusty) and, granted, I made an extremely poor choice in a husband the first time out (WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!). I certainly don't knock those who can do it successfully.

semstr

577 Posts

My husband would have loved to stay at home, since he is the "houseman" anyway. Does the cooking, shopping etc. (cleaning we always do or did (got a cleaning-lady now) together)

I liked being at home too though, was at home for almost two years after our daughter was born, but I simply had to go back to work, because I was absolutely going insane at home.

Simple fact husband didn't stay at home: he gets 3x the money I get!

But I know a few men (5 to be exact, two of them MD's) who stay at home for a year or so and then start working again. Well it is possible here to take a sabbatical for childrearing, so more and more men do that now. (This was made a federal law about 3 or 4 years ago)

Take care, Renee

mario_ragucci

1,041 Posts

Something has to be said for extrenal environment, as well as the nuclear family. In a commune, for example, this kind of stuff isn't such an issue, because there is the "group" that works together. In a nuclear family, a strain to raise child/ren can be intense, and a fission reaction can sometimes occur.

If you live in a community where the grammer school is walking distance, that can help. Commuting to and from places in the boonies is dangerous, and boring, for teens.

My dad was not a stay at home dad. My mom was a partial stay home mom because she did work as a nurses aid. Bro - and sis more or less corrupted me, as they had to "take care of me" during times when mom had to work, plus dad.

Having money is paramount, with anything. Just remember money can't do you any ATP. Take that to the cell.

Mario (the silly nuclear stonehenge druid)

nursegoodguy

153 Posts

Okay lets look at the traditions of yesteryear... It use to be dad at work and mom at home with the kids... then we jumped to dad at work and mom at work (part time)... now I look at the people I work with and it's mom at work full time and no dad anywhere around to concern anyone with whether it is right or wrong for dad to be a stay at home dad! (I do however know a few dads with the kids but this is not typical.) What will we see in the future... I have a few ideas of my own how about the rest of you...

micro, RN

1,173 Posts

the traditions of yesteryear............

aaarrrgggh!!!!!!!!!! am quaking in fear in my nightmare that never ends.............

me in a quaker hat............

sorry all, this is another thread and probably another forum.........

but not so sorry that i will not edit it out.......

why, cause i is micro

live4today, RN

5,099 Posts

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.
Originally posted by nursegoodguy

Okay lets look at the traditions of yesteryear... It use to be dad at work and mom at home with the kids... then we jumped to dad at work and mom at work (part time)... now I look at the people I work with and it's mom at work full time and no dad anywhere around to concern anyone with whether it is right or wrong for dad to be a stay at home dad! (I do however know a few dads with the kids but this is not typical.) What will we see in the future... I have a few ideas of my own how about the rest of you...

For the parents who can afford it, the future children of society may be reared by Nanny-Robo-cops while both parents retire to an island after being sick of working and supporting their family. They will pay the younguns a visit on holidays and in the summer...with the Nanny-Robo-cop in tow at all times that is! :chuckle

Or perhaps the eldest child will be a homeschooled child who also in turn homeschools his/her youngest siblings full time while mom and dad are either working or retired to the backyard...tired of working, they both quit and play house. :chuckle

nursegoodguy

153 Posts

Sounds like a plan to me!!! :roll

Rustyhammer

735 Posts

Originally posted by huganurse:

The kids I see who have Mom working and Dad at home get mixed messages. Yeah, we've come along way baby, but traditional thought is still prevelant in our society, those kids wonder why Daddy doesn't work, they have problems with Dad being a "man" in a womans traditional role. Can you imagine being a 3rd grader at a school bake sale and everyone has Mom there except you? At that age, being different opens you up to ridicule from your peers. Kids are cruel to each other and go out of thier way to point out things like this.

I have been there (see my previous post) and I can assure you that Dads can be effective in the nurturing role and the kids are just glad that A PARENT came to the bake sale at all. They could give a sh** which one is there. Believe me there are many kids whose parents cant make it because of other committments or work.

Get out of the '50s huganurse and realize that it doesn't matter who is staying home. Really doesn't matter if both parties work.

The important thing is that your kids KNOW they are loved and and they can talk to you and you are there to enforce the limits you have laid down.

I guess what I am saying is... There are many roles played in todays society. We all have to pick the ones that work best for us, our spouses and our kids. I will never regret the time I spent at home with my kids but I'm glad to be back at the workplace now. Thats what works for us at the moment.

Florida... Isn't that the state that would rather keep children in the foster homes rather than let same sex couples adopt them?

This is a new generation with new challenges and we should keep our options open to raise our kids to be well rounded, intelligent and loving.

-Russell

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