I am sitting here today trying to make sense of the world. I left home when I was 18 and ended up in the military as a way to pay for college. I also knew I wanted to work in health care (M*A*S*H was a favorite show of mine at the time) and I endeavored to do my best no matter how humble the task.
I had an opportunity to go to medical school but decided to get married instead and delayed going to college so I could have more money to set up a home. When the time came to pursue my "higher education" I decided to go to nursing school as I had grown to respect the CRNA's I had worked with as a surgical technician.
I gave nursing my best shot but soon found that the gender bias I encountered was so pervasive that there was little hope for me to fulfill my potential as so much energy was spent dealing with the negative stereotypes of a male nurse. It was exhausting to say the least.
So I left nursing and jumped into the IT field before the market IT "bubble" burst and quickly established myself as a "guru" of the highest order in health care information systems. When the IT sector became weak I remained gainfully employed as the IT sector in health care remained strong.
I am now working on my PhD and have just signed an employment contract for 3 years as a researcher in the development of a new diagnostic modality for cancer screening. I will be making $165,000.00 annually until this contract expires. I also have a good benefits package. After that, who knows? Anybody know a good tax attorney?
Any way as I assume this new role and responsibility I am trying to bring to closure my bitterness towards nursing (the culture) and I find myself spending a lot of time working in the flower bed (gardening) in hopes that this therapeutic activity will bring the healing I need. But the bitterness lingers. There is an emotional wound that quite hasn't healed yet. I am trying to understand that.
So how does one heal the soul from such negativity? We all have had experiences that have embittered us in some way. How does one find forgiveness in a world that seems to embrace hatred? As they say confession is good for the soul and I hope this one will help me to move on.