Quote from Michelles87
My question is... has this happened ever happened to anyone else with over a year of experience/no job change? What did you do?
Had a nervous breakdown.
I'm serious. I'd been working on a med/surg floor for almost three years, which is longer than I've ever held any other nursing position, and I felt a lot like you---thinking about the job all the time, dreading the start of each new group of shifts, and being generally anxious about the whole thing. I spent the last year of my employment bouncing in and out of my own hospital with stress-related illnesses. I was burned to a crisp, but unfortunately I didn't realize it until the morning I came in and was immediately summoned to the department manager's office to discuss some minor mistake (I think it was calling the wrong doctor and he complained).
It was just the latest in a long line of warnings. As I'd become more and more burned out, I'd committed a series of small infractions, e.g. forgetting to clear IV pumps, not cleaning up the rooms at the end of the shift etc. There was one assistant manager who didn't like me and she blasted me every chance she got; one time she tried to hang a missing narcotic on me when I wasn't even on duty yet and didn't have the keys. The harassment and stress culminated in my leaving my job in one dramatic moment: suddenly I KNEW that I could not go out on that floor one. more. time. I burst into tears in the manager's office, gave her my badge and said that's it, I can't do this anymore. I was a complete wreck. I couldn't stand another minute. I hadn't taken report or gotten the keys yet, so I didn't abandon any patients, just the job.
I never looked back, either. I took some time off to heal and get some therapy. They gave me unemployment even though I'd quit (long story), and eventually I found a job I loved. Take-away lesson: Don't be like me and let yourself get beat down to the point where you lose it completely. It's not worth it. I highly recommend therapy to help you nail down just what it is that's killing your soul and robbing you of happiness. You may or may not want to leave your job; running away like I did doesn't look good on a resume. Hopefully you can get a handle on your discontent so you don't *have* to leave. I wish you the very best, and Welcome to Allnurses.com!