Break up during school

  1. My boyfriend and I have been together three years and we we have been living together for over a year. He left me out of no where while I was dealing with my own parents divorce. Now I'm dealing with losing my apartment with we got together and losing him. I am extremely heartbroken and I'm falling apart, and I start classes in two weeks. He claims he doesn't want this anymore when not long ago he wanted me in his life forever. Has anyone ever experienced this and does anyone have any tips on getting through this during school... He was my main support system and my best friend. He's been there for me since I started school and we were even planning on getting married. He threw everything away so easily and it's really hard to except. I know a lot of people go through this, but right now it seems impossible to handle this much pain and take these hard classes at the same time.
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    About Nicoleashley

    Joined: Feb '18; Posts: 13; Likes: 26
    Specialty: 1 year(s) of experience

    86 Comments

  3. by   cleback
    Sorry you're going through this. One day at a time. You can do it. Perhaps there are other nursing students looking for a subletter or roommate?
  4. by   Davey Do
    Quote from Nicoleashley
    I know a lot of people go through this, but right now it seems impossible to handle this much pain and take these hard classes at the same time.
    My heart truly goes out to you, Nicoleashley.

    Right now your whole world probably seems like it's nothing but pain. Each thing you have to do is difficult and each breath you take is a chore.

    Even though it doesn't seem like it now, this world of pain is only for the time being. Things will get better. The only thing you have to do is persevere. Just get through it. Take everything one step at at time.

    One day at a time right now probably seems like an eternity, so take it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. You're not at a one hundred per cent and you are going to do the best you can under the circumstances.

    Do what you can to ease the pain- cry, yell, talk to loved ones, put down your feelings on paper, exercise, eat ice cream- whatever is appropriate to get you through this.

    Some day this will all be just a memory.

    The very best to you Nicoleashley. Take care.
  5. by   Nicoleashley
    Thank you for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it.
  6. by   Been there,done that
    Tough times for sure. Time to separate the rational and emotional sides.

    Nursing school is here, the boyfriend is not. Hopefully, the effort that school will take.. will help you take your mind off your loss.

    Keep going, best wishes.
  7. by   caliotter3
    Quote from Been there,done that
    Tough times for sure. Time to separate the rational and emotional sides.

    Nursing school is here, the boyfriend is not. Hopefully, the effort that school will take.. will help you take your mind off your loss.

    Keep going, best wishes.
    Heed these words. Perhaps nursing school is just the activity to bide you over as the pain subsides.
  8. by   AnnieOaklyRN
    Sorry you are going through this.. .the plus is that he showed his true colors now and not after you got married and had children!! This is your chance to actually find a guy who is loving and caring, and someone who won't just walk away when life gets to tough! Or do what I am doing, stay single!!! Keeps life much simpler!! (yes, I still have sex, just with no strings!!)

    There is a possibility he will return back to you and beg for forgiveness and tell you he won't ever do it again and blah blah blah. Don't believe him.

    Get yourself through school so that you can support yourself in the future!

    Annie
  9. by   Sour Lemon
    My marriage abruptly ended (fine in the morning and completely over that same night) during my last year of nursing school. I had to ask myself ...would quitting school make things better or make things worse?
    Every person who has ever lived has experienced hardship. None of us are special or unique in that regard. What I'm trying to say is that I don't recommend feeling sorry for yourself for too long. It's not productive.
  10. by   Davey Do
    Quote from Sour Lemon
    My marriage abruptly ended (fine in the morning and completely over that same night) during my last year of nursing school.
    My story too, pretty much, Sour Lemon.

    I was devastated. I was working full time as an LPN, going to school full time, was taking OB/GYN which I hated, had just sold my house and moved into an apartment when one morning my Ex said she wanted a divorce.

    "Can't we wait until I finish the RN program?" I asked.

    "I think you have me around for your convenience", she replied.

    "Yeah- so what's your point?"

    Funny now. Not then.
  11. by   Luckyyou
    I will give you the advice I've given other women on this board, women in my real life, and advice I've had to learn the hard way myself:

    Never, ever, ever let a man determine or limit what you are capable of achieving in this life.
  12. by   Hygiene Queen
    I'm sorry you have to go through this.

    My husband told me he didn't love me anymore right after I was accepted into the program. I have a looooong wicked story, but that's it in a nutshell.

    I remember contemplating suicide before a class because I felt I couldn't endure the pain and humiliation. I drug myself in and took an exam and scored a whopping 38%. There were multiple times in the program where I wondered how I was going to keep it together enough to finish.

    I finally got myself to realize that he was not worth death, failing or crying over. I needed to succeed so that I could have a job that would support myself. I was going to make my children and everyone else who cared for me proud.

    I threw myself into school and when I slipped up and experienced failures, I didn't let the divorce be my excuse. I made sure I developed strategies to succeed, having learned from my failures. I saw a couple of counselors and it was helpful to discuss my issues without burdening my friends and family all the time. It helped me center myself and encourage myself to keep keep going.

    Throwing myself into studying took my mind off my pain. If I became overwhelmed with grief, I allowed myself time to cry and think about it, but only so much time. You cannot let it consume you.

    Trust me, I know this is hard. I had considered that man my best friend. It was like the death of the man I knew that was loving and kind. It was like a switch was flipped and he was replaced by an evil changeling. That said, I figured I could now see what he really was and it wasn't nice. I didn't want or need that.

    I'm going out on a limb and guessing your boyfriend found someone else. Let him go and remember, if he could leave you so easily after placing you on a pedestal, he showed himself not to be what you thought he was. You have dodged a bullet... thankfully before you got married and had children.

    Give yourself time to grieve, utilize your counselors, focus on your studies, seek help when you find you're starting to drown and keep your eye on the prize. The best revenge is living well.

    Take care and best wishes.
  13. by   KrysyRN
    I'm really sorry. I've been there and know how painful it is and to wonder how you're going to make it through classes. After a 14 year relationship, my significant other blindsided me with the news that he met someone new. This was about 2-3 weeks before the beginning of my last semester of nursing school, and the grief was overwhelming. The way I made it through was by maintaining a laser sharp focus on studying and not letting my mind wander over to the grief of the break-up. I had a couple of friends that I vented to, but that only seemed to make the wounds fresh again, so I went back to studying. It was really difficult, but that helped more than anything, I felt. I also kept a detailed calendar because I lost the ability to concentrate for a while and needed the calendar to keep me on track. As the days and weeks went by, it became easier to see the finish line and to feel the excitement for that and for what was to come.
  14. by   Kallie3006
    ***hugs*** the torturous questions of How? Why? And what will eventually pass. Some you may get answers too and others you will be left to ponder and time will heal your heart. Think of school being 2 wks away as a blessing. You will have so much going on there will be little time to let your mind wonder to questions that may never be answered. This is just a stone to aid in building your pillar of strength and in time you may even forget which stone it was.

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