Ask A Stupid Question . . . .

[Ruby Vee]

I know I've asked some really, really stupid questions in my day. Right now, though, none of them come to mind. The stupidest question I can think of right now was asked by a married father of three who was an intern years and years ago. I was working Med/Surg as an RN, and had 30 patients with an LPN and an NA. The intern came by the room where the NA and I were struggling to clean up poop on an obese, elderly gentleman who had been rolling in and fingerpainting with the stuff. The intern told me that I needed to put a catheter in Mrs. P "STAT" so he could look at the urine under a microscope. This being before the age of customer service, I (probably not so politely) told him that I was busy, and if he needed it stat he could do it himself. He nodded and disappeared for long enough for us to finish cleaning up that gentleman and move on. The NA and I again had our hands full with an incontinent patient when the intern popped his head into the room saying he had a question. I anticipated something like "what do I hook the catheter to" or "where are the specimen labels?" but it was nothing like that.

"There are THREE holes down there," he told me. "Which one does it go in?"

The NA told me later that my jaw dropped and my mouth was hanging open. The only response I could come up with is "HOW long have you been married?"

The NA was the one who drew him the picture, labeling the three holes "poop" "pee" and "baby."

[llg, PhD, RN]

A friend of mine had just given birth. Her twin brother was visiting her in the hospital. She introduced her nurse to her "twin brother." The nurse asked her "are you identical twins"?

Theoretically, her brother could be a trans woman. But I'd say the odds of that being the reason for the nurse's question were pretty low.

My brother has kids that are twins -- a boy and a girl. He says it's amazing how many people ask if they are identical -- even asking a 2nd time when he responds by saying one is a boy and one is a girl. Good grief!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Wondering why "ADN" and "Diploma" nurse had to be specified vs "nurse." I don't see their not having a BSN having anything to do with these (hilariously funny/scary) clinical errors.

I guess you have to be old to understand why I specified "diploma". In those days, BSN students got 8 hours of clinical a week and consequently were pretty clueless when it came to actual "skills". The diploma students were on the nursing units about four days a week and their senior capstone class was team leading. Many floors of the hospital were actually staffed with the diploma students at night. A senior diploma student was a close to a "real nurse" as one could get without actually having passed the state boards. That's why it was particularly shocking to me that a diploma student made such a dumb mistake. (I would have expected it to have been a BSN student that did something so stupid.) For clarity, I was a relatively new BSN graduate at the time.

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

Fresh from the fields:

I got a call about necessity to return to office to repeat a medical test. The office RN offered the time the same day 30 min ahead. I politely told her that at that moment I was busy about 3 hours from there under optimal condition, with roads being particularly ugly that day.

The lady, who was indeed an RN, did not miss a beat:

- well, this test is important, VERY important... can you still do something to make it here today? Can't you just fly??

I had to speak with her supervisor after that, just out of interest if she was just kidding or what. Nope, she was dead serious and "just wanted to provide the best customer service and so made a suggestion".

Remains me the chronic headache of calling group homes with required "updates" and ensuing endless explanations why the patient didn't have his BM yet and didn't receive his favorite oatmeal with lots of brown sugar every morning, while the patient in question hangs right somewhere between ICU and ECU. Where I live, these homes has to have at least one LPN or RN at any time. These nurses know their patients literally inside out as long as it is about having a BM daily and preferred methods of putting them to sleep, which are all great things. But when they call at 3 AM to let us know about that oatmeal and want it to be "just put a little into his mouth and then taken out" so he could enjoy the taste...

[AliNajaCat]

OK, I"ll bite. I specified the educational background of the nurse in question because in her abbreviated education she had never had occasion to learn about normal airway anatomy. I mean it. She never took a full semester anatomy course. Airway was apparently not a high priority.

[AvaRose]

The first time in clinicals that I gave medication through an NG tube was pretty much an utter disaster. My preceptor for the day helped me to crush and dilute the medications and observed me check for residual and placement of the tube. Then she had to step just outside the room (supposidly though she ended up clear across the pod at the nurse's station) to take a phone call. I thought it would be okay, after all the water went in without problems. The first 3 medications went in fine but then I got what I recognize now as some type of GERD medication (they nearly all come in little balls inside the capsules or packets) and I tried to push the med through the tube but failed and when I pulled back on the syringe to relive the clog I pulled too far and spit medication all over myself like a fountain.

Today, I have 2 patients with PEG tubes that I have to medicate but I was smart enough to get orders from the doctor for GERD medication and BPH medication that will actually mix with water so the tube won't clog as the standard Tamsulosin has the same irritating texture and will not go through the tube without a giant mess. I also make sure there is a towel under the tube so I don't soak the bed should I end up with another medication fountain.

[MPKH, BSN, RN]

Was changing a urostomy bag and a group of students were observing me. I said something to the effect of "...and this is similar to changing an ostomy bag, except with an ostomy, you use an ostomy bag and you don't attach the bag to a urine drainage bag,"

One student then asked "Do you need to put a bag over the stoma for an ostomy, or do you just stick the foley bag into the stoma?"

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

Not my story, but a nurse friend of mine walked in on a new nurse squirting morphine into a patients mouth because she couldn't figure out how to administer via the IV.

[Newgurl17, CNA, LPN]

We had a new RPN who wanted to tape plastic bags over the trach cannulas so she wouldn't have to clean up the secretions.

hmm...