Am I approaching this in the wrong way?

[raindrop]

This really sux that I have to make a post like this.

I am a rather soft-spoken person who has a large group of friends, but I am not into drama or cliques at ALL. I entered into a RN-BSN program last summer. The five others who are also enrolled were together for 6 months before I came along. Well let me tell you, they do not include me in on anything, they make snide remarks to me, roll their eyes, they never say hi, they all walk in/walk out/go on breaks together like they are in some pack, and sadly....anytime I give a presentation, I see one person send a text, and when she puts her phone down, another girls picks up her phone, types something, puts her phone down, then the other picks hers up...you get the pic. All of them are in their early to late 30's. They are also all on Facebook together.

I keep my distance, but I always remain nice. I say hi, I smile, I pay attention to when they present, etc. I do not sit in their turf, I don't go on breaks with them, I don't wait for them after class, did not friend them on facebook, etc. I have also turned quite submissive around them, I guess I fear being talked about/talked down to. I am thisclose to asking my doc for a tab of ativan to get me through my next presentation on the final day of the semester, but I hate the idea of medicating myself because of them.

Any advice?? I don't want to run to the instructor about any of this. I would feel way too childish.

[whodatnurse]

Are there only 6 of you in the entire program or is this your clinical group you're talking about?

Either way, I'm sorry. It hurts to feel like the odd man out. It's little comfort right now I know, but keep telling yourself this too shall pass. Focus on the things you need to get done and before you know it, these folks won't be part of your daily universe anymore.

[Mell Bell]

I'm a little confused, there are only 6 of you in the program? Or is it just 5 girls in particular that are in this little clique?

Either way, you should NOT let them get to you, at all. You are there to learn, not to be best friends with these women. Don't be rude, just be polite, get done what you need to get done, give your presentation with confidence, and go hang out with your friends afterwards. Don't medicate to get through it, you don't need to, just know your material and focus on that, don't even think about these women.

It sucks to be in a situation like that, but you have to just have confidence in yourself and let people like this roll off you.

[mh356, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Its called relational aggression, all the gossip, cliques, etc doesn't end in high school. It's found its way into nursing. Cheryl Dellasega offers a workshop on RA and nursing, google her website if you are interested in learning more.

Just keep focusing on the positives and how many days left you have in class!!

[raindrop]

Hi,

It is a small private college sorrounded by state universities, so yea, only 6 of us in the entire ADN-BSN program. I am always polite, but my boyfriend thinks that perhaps they think I am rude because I don't hang with them? I think it's ridiculous. I only have to see them, thankfully, 5 hours/week (monday nights), but it is 5 hours of "god, why me!!"

[whodatnurse]

I sadly shake my head at the thought of 30-something women lacking in basic civilities. Not just their not welcoming you into the group but texting during class...they're old enough to behave better.

You're fortunate your time with them is limited to Monday evening alone. Again, focus on the business at hand, don't take the rejection personally, and if the texting is distracting you during your presentations, then set a ground rule of 'no texting, please' right before your next one. If they do it anyway, reiterate your ground rule again as soon as you see it.

[misplaced1]

Get used to it, this happens a lot in nursing

[sslickerson]

I hate to say it but I must. As far as I can tell this is strictly an issue dealing with catty women. I know, call me an ass for even bringing it up but you would never see 6 guys doing this. I honestly feel really bad for you but really you just need to get over it and move on. Being a male in a predominately female ADN program I see this EVERY day! The guys in my class do what they need to do to succeed in the program. These are simply issues that we don't need to think about but honestly we don't care either. I just want to scream at you guys sometimes! Why do you care if someone doesn't like you? Why do you care if someone does this, that or whatever? None of this matters, get your degree, move on, become the best nurse you can be and stop worrying about what the next girl 2 chairs over thinks about you! Jumping off my soapbox now...

[mixtapes]

Sorry you feel like you are being tormented. I think it is extremely rude for students to text, IM, and use Facebook during lectures. I see this is in my program. I'm like, really...you need to IM her sitting two tables away and post comments on FB of you in scrubs.

Maybe, you should mention something to your teacher about that. It is very distracting. It could remain confidential.

I think I only like 3 people in my program now. There's a lot of backstabbing, cliques, gossip, etc. It's annoying!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to the comradery????

We will survive nursing school!!!!!!!!!

[Blackheartednurse]

Get used to it, this happens a lot in nursing

Yes you 100% right,where I used to work I spotted the same behavior,30 year old professional nurses often with a couple of kids and a husband too run around in groups (no one else was invited),were a gossip queens and text-messaged every 5 minutes....while on duty!!!

It used to bother me but now I dont care...these people have a low self-esteem and are looking for trouble,why bother to join their circle of friends? So not worthy and a good waste of time...

Sadly,we are in a catty,backstabbing profession that will never get better,we might as well learn how to not to give a damn.

[firstyearstudent]

I used to worry about this kind of stuff, then I realized that if I was ever included in their group I'd be bored out of my skull. Who wants to listen to some idiot talk about the slacks she tried on a Target?

[MC1906]

Seems like this situation is taking up a lot of your energy. You could/should be using this energy to focus on the things you enjoy! I totally believe that when you figure people out, you should know how to deal with them. Because your aware of their unprofessional behaviors in the class, you should realize that there are also many more of them in the workplace. Is your professor unaware of all this happening in class? Is there a rule in the syllabus about phones in the classroom? At this point, just focus on finishing the program. You may even finish before them. When your done you will never have to deal with them again. Hang in there!