Alzheimer's in my family

Nurses General Nursing

Published

My Godmother (basically, my second mom) was just diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's. My heart is broken. She is the most lively, vivacious person I've ever known and my family is devastated. She's the kind of person who would spend her whole paycheck buying coats for poor kids. I know what's ahead, and I'm angry about what this cruel disease is about to do to her. Dear God, I hope she doesn't get the violent behaviors, swinging and kicking, spitting and biting. Yes, I know I'm in the stages of grief, and right now I'm angry. I know life isn't fair, I know we're only one of millions of families dealing with the same thing. And so very, very sad for her, that she'll slowly lose herself as the faces of her family and friends become strangers. Losing one's body to disease is bad enough, but when you don't even have your memories and thoughts to comfort you, that's just too cruel. Thanks for letting me vent. I can't unload on my family, I don't want to share my fears with them, because if they know what I know, it will scare the he-ck out of them. How the day will come and she'll stare and not know us, or worse, spout venemous words of anger that come from places we can't recognize. How she'll wander around, asking the same questions hundreds of times. How she might become like a child, crying over fears and shadows we can't see. Why can't we,in our delirium, go to a happy place where everything is sunshine? No, it's always some dark and scary place to which the mind wanders. Expletive.

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Specializes in Hospital Education Coordinator.

I am so sorry. Remember, though, that every patient is unique. I would prepare myself, and maybe other family members, by attending a support group. Right now they might not have much to offer you but in time they could be your lifeline. There are books for caregivers. Worth an investment.

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

oh countrymom! i'm so sorry!

alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. but remember, everyone's dementia is different. some are tormented, yes, but in my experience, i've had more happy demented patients than not. thats one reason why my perfect job would be working in an alzheimer's unit. i love taking care of them!

my grandmother is in the late stages of the disease. she doesnt even know she's in the world now. but before she got this bad, she was so happy. in the early stages, she had some behavior issues and would try to beat up her caregivers but once we convinced my uncle to let us try an antipsychotic for that, she never ever had that problem again. until the day she could no longer respond to anyone, she was so very happy. she even told me once, early on, "i know i'm losing my mind but you know what? at least it doesnt hurt!". i dont think i'll ever forget her telling me that.

you have my total empathy and sympathy. please come here to vent when you need to, remember not to hold emotions in. the hardest part is helping family members that don't understand the disease like we do, to try and understand the disease and learn to live in the moment with the person and let go of who they used to be. i can say that that is one of the most gut wrenching parts of my job.

you just come here when you need a hug, k?

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

My granddad died last year, and he had Alzheimers for about the last decade or so of his life. He had a violent streak most of his life and the disease just exacerbated that. He was never mean to me - always kind and grandfatherly to me - but in his last few years of life he became completely unknown and unknowable to me...and he went through caregivers rather quickly because he was so physically violent. It was so sad to watch him slide away from the grandpa that used to feed me chocolate ice cream til I almost popped, or showed me the finer aspects of Detroit Tigers baseball, or taught me to play five-card stud. He quit recognizing me many years before he died and that hurt, even though I knew it wasn't personal.

I am so sorry. I truly hope your godmother's dementia is of the happy sort, or that she goes peacefully before her dementia becomes the dark and scary thing we so much dread. A big hug to you....and come here to vent whenever.

:icon_hug:

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I know exactly how you feel. My Dad is currently 62 and he was dx w-Alzheimer's at age 58. After becoming incontinent, his wife (my step-mom), decided she couldn't handle him anymore. I've had custody of him for 3 weeks now and we've been through 2 nursing homes & 2 hospital stays. It's very difficult to find a happy medium: something between avoiding combative & aggresive behavior and being so drugged up that he can't walk straight. It's extremely difficult seeing my Dad in a nursing home & I feel even more guilty every time I leave him there, but I know that I can't provide what he needs.

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Specializes in LTC.

I'm a nurse at an alzheimers assisted living. I can truly say that all my residents are unique in their and different in their own way. Even though they have the disease they still live an abundant life.I talk to their family.and I suggest you attend a support group.

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Both of my parents had alzheimer's. They never became combative. They never had to go into a nursing home. I was able to take care of them at home. Mom was not able to sleep at night. The doctor put her on seroquel and then she was able to sleep at night. I worried a lot about them becoming violent or "Wandering away" someday. I took care of my dad for 5 months and my mom for 8 years. She never became violent and she never wandered away. I was extremely lucky. It's Christmas time and I miss them both so much.This is my first christmas without mom. My mom was one of those "pleasantly confused" types. Everyone loved her. I wish you the best of luck. :heartbeat

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My mom is 68 and has middle stage Alzh. She lives with us. It is challenging to say the least. She has yet to be violent. for the most part she is just grumpy, not a big change from before.

Enjoy the time you may have with your loved one. Dont focus on what may or may not come down the road. Take it one day at a time.

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Specializes in LTC.

Some of my residents take medication like aricept that slows down the disease process. There are other medication that helps with behavioral issues and other symptoms of the disease.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

I'm sorry.

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Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.
:cry: ((hugs))) Alzheimer's sucks. My mom has had it for 12 years, and I completely understand your anger. I've cried more times than I care to admit about it. I just got off the phone with my brother, and we were just discussing how much longer Dad is going to hold out before she has to be placed in a nursing home. I'm truly sorry that you've had this diagnosis in your family. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone.
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Specializes in long term care Alzheimers Patients.
I'm a nurse at an alzheimers assisted living. I can truly say that all my residents are unique in their and different in their own way. Even though they have the disease they still live an abundant life.I talk to their family.and I suggest you attend a support group.

I agree with Nurselovejoy88. I am a nurse also at an alzheimers assisted living. All my residents are definetely uniquie and different. Like nursejoy said they live an abundant life. I have been there for 4 years and have seen some of my residents basically at the same stage as they were when I started. I do realize it is devastating when it is a family member. We loss my MIL about 3.5 years ago to this disease.

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