"working" when you're off...

[blamejoe]

I have to vent. I can't stand that I never seem to have time off. When I'm not at work, I still get the calls about, " my kid swallowed...", " my mom is ..." etc. family, friends, fbook persons, etc. it's as if people can't respect the fact that this is my work, I do it because 1) I am really good at it, and 2) I know I make a big difference in the lives of countless people. The ones who make it the worst are the ones who complain incessantly about how much healthcare costs, how bad their experiences with healthcare are, or how they don't really need health treatment because "hospitals just want your money...". Aren't we ever entitled to time off? I am a great nurse, a wonderful boss, and an award-winning clinician. I feel I was meant to be a caregiver, that my contribution to this world is the improved health of my community, and that my Lord will honor me because I choose (and succeed) in doing His bidding for His children. However, I feel guilty for trying to get more than 5 hours of sleep before work, because the phone/email/texts/fbook never stops. Why do people demand that we serve their needs whenever they see fit, yet complain about our profession at every opportunity? This is my job, and I rely on it to pay my bills, feed my family, contribute to my life with my fiancé, and fulfill my niche in this life. So why do I feel that everyone who asks for my help when I am off duty are merely looking for a handout? Why does it seem that the same people who complain about the ACA, and preach the agenda of capitalism, think I ought to take care of them for free at all hours of the night? Is it just that I'm sensitive to our political time of year and the fact that I've seen the RNC in every patient room all week? I'm supposed to be at work in. 7hours and instead I am awake upset at the world for not letting me sleep. Advice would help, please.

[Mulan]

Don't answer your phone.

[blamejoe]

It's like Pavlov's dogs these days. That bell goes off and I feel drawn to check. You're right, of course, but I feel compelled to check if my staff are the ones calling or texting (it happens often, and I can't leave my team hanging.) Then once I see what the problem is, or who it is from, the guilt sets in. I wish the "community" could show more respect, rather than me having to change who I am.

[hiddencatRN, BSN, RN]

You realize you're just encouraging the behavior, right? They'd all stop bothering you if you stopped responding to them and giving them what they want.

How are they supposed to know their behavior is inappropriate when you allow it to continue?

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

If you are resposible on your off time for your team, that is one thing. If you are not, then whomever comes in after you is. Think about hiring a couple of "nurse supervisors" for your off time. Someone who is committed to the same ideals as you, but can help out the team so you can have some time to re-generate. At the least, be clear with your charge nurses on what decisions they can and can not make. You could even share call with your nurse supervisors (who would be available when you are not on the off hours).

As far as friends and family, this is a slippery slope--and I would not give any advice. Standard answer would be something along the lines of "I can tell you are upset, but the only thing I can suggest is make an appointment with Mom's MD, or if you are concerned and this is an imperative thing, bring her into the ED". Anything else can get you into trouble if you suggest one thing, and something happens to Mom, and it becomes wellll blamejoe told me that I needed to........

And you could always say that although you really adore them as friends and love your family dearly, your nurse hat comes off when you hit your door.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

You must have a TON of friends and family, to receive so many calls so frequently! AND they must have a lot of issues!

[GeneralJinjur]

Clearly you need to practice your stock phrases more! You can say them along with me. FYI, it helps to preface them with a noncommittal "I'm thinking" sounds like Hmmm or Well. Here are some samples:

That's not really my area.

I don't see much of that. You should check with your regular doctor.

I can't tell without looking at it and I won't be available for the next couple of weeks. (Note the loose definition of availability and nonspecific timeframe. If your plan is to watch paint dry, it still interferes with looking at this rash.)

If you're that concerned, you should really have it checked out at urgent care.

I would have just the thing for that if I were at work. Your doctors office would have similar equipment.

I haven't dealt with that in years. I'm afraid you need to talk with someone who knows more about it.

I've read about that. Your PCP probably sees it fairly often.

You get the idea. Foisting people off on their PCPs is not a bad thing. Becoming burnt out by family/friends is. I don't care how knowledgeable you are and how well you can help these people -- you need time away from what we do. You may object to my method of selling myself short with these stock phrases, but it points them back to the providers who they should be seeing and lets me maintain normal relationships.

[DizzyLizzyNurse]

You teach people how to treat you. I'm surprised that you get asked that often. It only happens to me every once in a while and I'll take a peek (maybe) and tell them to go to their doctor. If they say something, I just say something about not being protected for liability when I'm not at work or it's not my specialty or something. A lot of people think a nurse is a nurse is a nurse.

Stop answering your phone or turn the ringer off. Call them in the middle of the night and see how they like it. Say no or stop every once in a while. You teach people how to treat you. They probably have no idea they are doing anything wrong since you allow it. Good luck.

[Radnurse54]

It seems to me that there is a lot of back patting and self-agrandizing going on here. Perhaps if you spent less time announcing how terrific you were and trying to be the center of attention, people would stop talking to you when you want to be off.

Also, you clearly need to learn the art of making boundaries in your life.

Just thought a little reality speak was needed here.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Boundaries! Have some!

If you're working night shift, you should be sleeping during the day. Turn off your phone, pager and computer -- if you're looking at FaceBook, you're not sleeping. If you don't protect your sleep, who will?

Why aren't you referring people to their PCP? They don't have one? Send them to the urgent care clinic. You shouldn't be spending your time off looking at rashes or listening to people's complaints unless you want to. If you want to, stop complaining about it.

After 30 years of nursing, it's rare that someone bothers me during my off hours to get me to treat their problem. When they do, I send them to their PCP. The next door neighbor wanted me to give her shots every day, and I passed . . . she has two daughters and a grandson who live with her. They can be taught to give injections; I don't like giving them and haven't had to in ages. (Besides -- my malpractice coverage doesn't cover me treating the neighbors.)

You teach people how to treat you. Make sure you're teaching them to treat you the way you'd like to be treated.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

It seems to me that there is a lot of back patting and self-agrandizing going on here. Perhaps if you spent less time announcing how terrific you were and trying to be the center of attention, people would stop talking to you when you want to be off.Also, you clearly need to learn the art of making boundaries in your life.Just thought a little reality speak was needed here.

THIS! I tried to convey this with my tongue-in-cheek post, but it didn't work.

[rnsrgr8t]

I have a line I have used for as long as I have been a nurse.... "I am off duty!!!! and I don't do grownups!" (I have always worked in pediatrics). It is actually a joke now around my friends. They DO know, that in an emergency they can always call me and I can count on one hand they times they have called me. My mom has a bad habit of telling EVERYONE what I do. I had random people on the beach while we were on vacation asking me questions regarding their kids! I had to make a point of telling her to quit doing that!! The other posters are right..you just have to break the cycle and "train" your friends and family. They will get it over time.

Funny story, I was a retreat with one of my best friends (we were running it) and I was walking down to the parking lot and see an ambulance pulling away and my friend walking up from the parking lot. I asked her what happened and she told me one of the elderly women at the retreat fell and broke her arm. I asked her why she did not come and find me... her answer (completely seriously)? "You are off duty and you don't do grownups!!" LOL I told her that was not the case in an emergency!! She told me the woman had not lost consciousness and she had her lay still and she called 911. She asked me if I would have done anything else and of course I would not have. We still laugh about it! Of course she DID call me when she was in the ER of my hospital with her infant son with a HGB of 6. I spent the night with her in my ER. (he ended up being ok)

Bottom line, set you limits and boundaries. You are the only one who can! People who really love you will get it and not mind at all!