" they need to feel their sadness not mask in it"

[kipepeo77]

I am a nurse that works at a Residential treatment center and it's for patients with eating disorders. The patients all got together and wanted to do something to celebrate the fact that they were in treatment, so they all got together and created hats out of printer paper and tape they each had the number of days they've been in treatment on the front of the hat. The number was very big and they each decorated it and colored it. They all also put a positive statement under the number, for ex. "beautiful and deserving" and "going strong." I thought the hats were wonderful, positive, and harmless. I felt that it was a way of them showing that they were proud of themselves for being in recovery and choosing to stay there. I was so delighted that they would take all of their negative thoughts and put it into something positive, because it's a day by day struggle with these patients to keep them motivated, nutritionally stable, and help with their confidence as well as underlying issues. The owner of my place of work/ patient's therapist/ my boss did not approve of the hats he told me to please take them away because they need to feel their sadness not mask in it. I really really need help in understanding what he meant by that statement. i really felt that what they did was positive and harmless and I just can't put my finger on why he got the total opposite feeling I just don't get it. Please help me understand.

[soulofme]

He's just PO'd cause he didn't think of it first! You stole his thunder!

[rngolfer53]

Wish I could help, but I don't get it either.

[Luv2BAnurse]

I don't understand either. I wouldn't have taken them away- the residents created them, making them their personal property.

[Halinja, BSN, RN]

His statement makes no sense at all. Don't waste any of your energy trying to understand it. Grin. If we were therapists maybe we would gain a few deep and penetrating insights into his character based on his reaction and statement. Nah, why bother.

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

It sounds like a dialogue needs to open about this between you two. The residents do need to identify their feelings, whether they are sadness, happiness or empowerment. And it seems that they were doing just that -only this particular exercise had nothing to do with sadness, but rather happiness for their progress. There will undoubtedly be times when they are dealing with underlying sadness and self esteem issues that led them to develop eating disorders. There will be lots of them. But they need to have the times when they can celebrate treatment and recovery. This builds self esteem. And perhaps one could argue that they need that just as much if not more than dwelling on sadness.

Perhaps your boss misunderstood the exercise. Perhaps he saw them as masks they they were hiding behind, and saw they they were viewing this time not as recovery, but as a furlough before getting back into old ways. Explain how the residents reacted so positively to the exercise and try to educate him. Although he may be their therapist, he may not be seeing the big picture.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

Your boss's attitude shocks me. To take away the hats would be a bit like taking away their self-esteem and good feelings about trying to become well. We all know the power of positive thinking. To focus on all the negatives all the time is not productive--it just makes things worse! I like the hats alot and might borrow that idea!

[kipepeo77]

Thank you so much for responding. It really made me feel better. I just wish he could see it the same way.

[kipepeo77]

Thank you so much for your reply, but I'm not going to even try to make him understand. What he says goes. I just know that within myself it was a good thing to do and that will stick with me.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

What a condescending jerk. The residents made some hats with positive statements and he wants to treat them like naughty infants and take them away?

This is why the psychiatric industry holds little respect in my eyes. It seems to be run by the people with the most problems.

[APRN., DNP, RN, APRN, NP]

I think he meant to say "To feel their sadness and not BASK in it". Mirriam-Webster defines 'bask' as " to take pleasure or derive enjoyment transitive verb.

Personally, I don't know beans about psychotherapy for folks who have addictions to food. However, I can't help but wonder if the Doc was trying to keep the patients on track with identifying with what was at the core of their problem leading to the addiction, instead of focusing on celebrating the time invested in researching what the problems are.

[Rhone]

I would suspect that your boss is probably having difficulty getting some (or most) of the residents to really talk about and address their issues in therapy, and thus he feels that is a barrier to their progress. Hence, he sees them having fun and being positive, and sees that as being a part of avoiding their "real" feelings.

But he's full of crap. Because, while it may be true that they are resistant to addressing issues in therapy, it is perfectly okay for them to still have fun and be positive! There are enough hours in the day that you can--if you're ready to--"feel your sadness", and still have time to do positive things that make you feel good. And the positive stuff is certainly not a hindrance. Hell, if you are sad and depressed all the time and you hate the RTC, then you are certainly not going to have the energy to emotionally deal with things like memories of abuse, or complex body image issues, or whatever. But positive, self-esteem-building experiences, though, might help put you in a frame of mind where you feel strong enough to tackle those issues!

BTW, I have a Psych BA and worked for over three years in a group home for emotionally disturbed (and abused) children. The one I worked at was well run and had high standards (rare for group homes, unfortunately), and your boss's attitude would NEVER fly there. Positive experiences that build self-esteem, develop rapport with staff, and foster positive social interactions are absolutely essential in that environment.