"Can I speak to you for a second?"

  1. Alright, let me preface this by saying, we all get mad, frustrated, irritated, and down right "let me punch something" mad over work. It happens, but by all that is holy do we always have to pull someone into another room every time our feelings get hurt?

    Yeah I am frustrated. I work with someone who is consistently pulling this nurse or that nurse into the break room to discuss some sleight, off hand comment, reason for an assignment.

    I am honestly sick of it.

    I have once, pulled someone aside and addressed an issue. It was my preceptor and I was under the assumption that she felt I was incompetent. After chatting I realized she just didn't get my sense of humor and wasn't sure how to communicate with me. After that day, all was fine.

    However I am tired of this woman pulling me aside if I don't say "hello" each time I come in, or because I discussed a reason for an assignment with another staff.

    We all have things to get over, but is it everyone's right to vent them every time the moment feels right? Maybe I am having a short sighted day, but to me it seems like a way to get out of thinking about why the situation makes you feel the way it does, and instead passes the blame onto someone else.

    Tait
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    About Tait

    Joined: Jul '07; Posts: 2,594; Likes: 5,054

    17 Comments

  3. by   CABG patch kid
    Is this person in a supervisory position? If not, I'd try and talk to her about the whole "pulling aside" thing, and if she still keeps doing it to everyone, I'd take it to the real supervisor. Sounds like she's having a power trip, or just wants to be all up in everyone's business. Some people are just like that and maybe she needs the manager to put her back in her place.
  4. by   gonzo1
    I think the person must just be incredibly insecure to feel they need to discuss every little frown or wink or grimace.
    Is that the problem maybe.
    I've learned to let a lot go, but not everyone has the confidence and sense of security to do that
  5. by   Tait
    Quote from gonzo1
    I think the person must just be incredibly insecure to feel they need to discuss every little frown or wink or grimace.
    Is that the problem maybe.
    I've learned to let a lot go, but not everyone has the confidence and sense of security to do that
    This is kinda what I have in the back of my head as well.

    Just needed to vent on it

    Tait
  6. by   netglow
    Hopefully it isn't the "why don't you like me?" kind of inquiry at the bottom of all this -- that would make me nuts too.

    But I prefer to do my involved stuff one on one, in private... so, if it is something kinda big, I am gonna talk in private so that we can figure things out ourselves without the peanut gallery. After all, that is what professionals do, and gotta say, I see these "discussions" going on in halls, in earshot of families etc. really makes both nurses look imature/incompetent at the same time even if things are relatively civil. It all just boils down to being respectful.
  7. by   Tait
    Quote from 2ndwind

    But I prefer to do my involved stuff one on one, in private... so, if it is something kinda big, I am gonna talk in private so that we can figure things out ourselves without the peanut gallery. After all, that is what professionals do, and gotta say, I see these "discussions" going on in halls, in earshot of families etc. really makes both nurses look imature/incompetent at the same time even if things are relatively civil. It all just boils down to being respectful.
    That I don't have a problem with, and whole-heartedly agree with. I guess I am just sort of stewing in my own juices at the moment over being called out on something involving my first assignment as charge. I believed I was working in the nurses best interests, however gossip over-powered my good intentions and it was misconstrued as mistrust in judgment.

    Tait
  8. by   FireStarterRN
    I've never worked with someone like this. Sounds like she's hypersensitive and has been taught to hash things out in private. I wouldn't like it. I'm a passive/aggressive usually, unless someone pushes to far, then I lose it. I'm no role model, let me just say, for positive confrontation.
    Last edit by FireStarterRN on Apr 14, '09
  9. by   firstyearstudent
    This person sounds like a narcissist. This sounds crazy, but when someone like this tries to monopolize my time, I start taking over the conversation with NONSENSE. If they want to know if I meant anything by some off-hand comment, then I just say "Heaven's no, I'm just feeling grumpy." And then go on for ten minutes about my menstrual cramps, or how I haven't been getting enough sleep, or how institutional environments make me paranoid, or whatever, it doesn't really matter. Just don't let them get a word in edgewise. When they see the conversation is not getting them attention and is, in fact, boring them to death by focussing on your problems/issues, it will end quickly. Try it, you'll see...

    Of course, if you're talking about a situation in which you are the charge, highjacking the conversation won't work. I guess you have to be patient with complaining and address it to make sure everyone knows you are being fair.
    Last edit by firstyearstudent on Apr 14, '09
  10. by   just_cause
    ... if I were in your shoes.. I'd suck it up and not get caught up in the emotional side of it.. and focus on my clinical portion. Sounds like a lot of energy is wasted on worrying about the situation.. where really he/she is the preceptor - walk away with the mind set that you won't treat people like that in the future from your experience.
    Best of luck,
    v/r
    Last edit by just_cause on Apr 14, '09
  11. by   Straydandelion
    I have had a similar experience.. it may not work in your situation however worked fairly well for me. I would let her know "sure, I can speak with you, I have some things to do now however, but we will definitely talk later". Near the end of shift when I am winding down and finally have a little time, I will go back to her "did you have something you needed to talk to me about?". Sometimes they would, most they would just say it wasn't important anymore. The "can I speak to you" got less and less, yet at the same time, this person knew I was willing to talk when able and later in the shift.
  12. by   netglow
    Oh so you were charge (thats right, read your earlier post, forgot)

    So... boss-lady! (LOL).

    I don't think I'd be dragging the charge in the break room all the time. I'd pretty much know I would need to suck up and not sweat the small stuff. Keep those break room chats for the bigger stuff. Maybe you need that air of being aloof. Hmmm, keep 'em guessing.
  13. by   RoseBud2009
    I am at a DaVita clinic where the RN manager and the clinical coordinator practice three way conversations!! 'I need to speak to you, b/c last week you looked cross-eyed at a PCT or said something she felt was unkind , and her feelings are hurt." The PCT with the hurt feelings ,is 28-30 years old, married and needs to have other people speak for her !! Coming from the hospital setting...this is RIDICULOUS !! Oh good grief !! this job would be okay..if they included how to deal with the verbally impaired, b/c my feelings are too hurt. " on top of everything else..I have to dela with this??? Egads, Batman. should I transfer or go back to the hospital where people know how to communicate?? This is one weird unit. Ideas?
  14. by   oregonchinamom
    Sounds like a Drama Queen to me. If there is no crisis, by golly she will make one!

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