Friendship with Coworkers

[NurseMaryB]

So, I have a question. My best friend is the Nurse Clinician on my unit, she used to be the Charge Nurse. We've worked together for about 2 1/2 yrs. However, we've only been really close for the yr or so. She's about 15 yrs older than me but she's like a sister to me. The issue or maybe not is that we work together on the same unit. She's been there 16 yrs. I've been there 2 1/2. My problem is that there are continuing rumors and gossip that goes around about us. Mainly people don't like it because they've never seen her so close to someone at work. And, they find that very weird that we became so close so quickly. So, of course stupid things start such as currently people are saying she is playing favorites with me. However, I get more grief than anyone because she expects the best from me. But, I've been helping the Manager and her out a lot because we have a huge project going on at work and they can't do it alone. I've offered my assistance whenever needed an other people have not. So, the coworkers that are talking about me are fussing because I'm always working on this project as well as working my 3-12s. However, when they were each called personally from my friend they refused their assitance. Today, my boss went to my best friend and asked her if about another project and said I'd be perfect for it however, my friend said maybe we shouldn't get her to do it with these current rumors going around. Personally, that's not fair to me! I shouldn't have to suffer because people are jealous of our friendship or because my boss likes me. They should just mind their own damn business. I guess my issue is should I leave units which I don't really want to do because I love my floor, I love my boss, and I love working with my best friend. Should I do less volunteering however my boss asks for my help at times. Or what should I do? I'm just trying to grow as a nurse and it's complicated when people are talking **** behind your back. Does anyone have any imput?

Of course, my friend says that if they're talking about us someone else is getting a break. But, obviously it bothers her or she wouldn't have discouraged my boss from getting me to do a project.

[Straydandelion]

Of course, my friend says that if they're talking about us someone else is getting a break

rofl.. so true.. maybe your friend just realizes it bothers you? If I were you, I would just ignore it and do what you like as far as volunteering or not. Pretty soon there will be other gossip making the rounds.

[trixie333, ASN]

IMHO: Next project meeting, discuss the 'rumors' and resolve among the 3 of you to keep conversation and behavior professional. Keep the personal stuff short and sweet or confined to breaktime....then keep working on projects....management always needs good help and involvement by staff to demonstrate improvements, and your help becomes career-building experience and looks great on your resume (and evaluations).. People DO tend to talk behind your back...all the time...just don't give them any "ammunition". Also, plan a few simple proactive behaviors: quick reports on the projects in staff meetings, frequently asking other "talking" coworkers for minor contributions, etc.: whatever you think would work to eliminate any perceptions that they are not included....and admit it freely...a good project is a good self-esteem builder...maybe they will feel like contributing in the future....

[NurseMaryB]

That's exactly why I had volunteered to work on this project. I had done one last week that included setting up the nurses station to the new part of the hospital we are moving into the exact way it is supposed to be. Basically they secretary council wants all the floors to be the same so I made on the computer images of the nurses station and what should be in what drawers with every detail and a legend. This impressed my boss so much that she sent it to the managers of the other units so they could set it up like ours exactly. Hence, her wanting me on more projects.

Since she's been Clinician we've practiced the short and sweet if at all stuff. Trying to prevent...exactly what's happened.

Thanks for your help...that helps a lot.

[gaffas]

The gossip gets even worse when it’s a male and a female working together.

I am a single male and I had to work very closely with a female colleague who was our unit manager. In that time that we were working together, we became very close, as friends, but our relationship was only ever professional. The rumours got so bad that whenever we had to do something together I made sure that the door of the office was left open, and I minimised the time that we spent together. The rumours affected me so much I turned down my first associate unit manager position, even though I had worked hard for it, and really wanted the position.

[NurseMaryB]

Wow! I couldn't imagine. That's a comment we said in the past. With the way the rumors are you'd think we were lovers or something! It's definitely not that...we're just best friends. I mean we do things outside of work together, I play with her son and we hang out as a group of friends too! She's my big sister and I love her that way...so, the worst thing I could imagine is having to leave! Which my manager thinks it's total BS and she loves the fact that we're best friends. She said she wished that our coworkers were that close to one another because the bond and trust is so strong. I hate that you had to go thru that and give up such an awesome opportunity. Thank you for sharing!