Perfect time to have a baby

  1. Problem is, I know that time will never come. I am currently a pre-nursing student, and will hopefully start an acclerated BSN program in June. I would graduate the next August, after 4 intense semesters. I have been married for 15 months. I am 27 right now, will be 29 when I graduate. My husband is 10 years older than I am. We're both getting a little nervous that we should go ahead and do this sooner rather than later. The current plan is to quit using BC in my last (summer) semester and let nature take it's course, knowing I might not even get pregnant until after graduation, or it could happen the first time. That would entail sitting for NCLEX pregnant, going to interviews that way, and starting my first job a few or several months along. Everyone on the pre-nursing forum says not to do it while in school, since you never know how difficult the pregnancy will be. I just read previous discussions on this board, and everyone says not to do it in your first year of nursing. If I wait any longer though, I'll be in my 30s and DH in his 40s with our first child. What if we want more than one? He'd like to be able to play catch, etc., and to be alive long enough to meet his grandkids. Should we try while I'm in school? My program is very intense, but I saw two pregnant girls at the NS the other day when I had to go to a meeting. They might not be doing accelerated though, or could be graduating in Dec. DH has a hard time understanding why we can't just start trying now. We could, and I could apply to start in Jan 08 instead, but then I'd be doing NS with a newborn...please help!
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    About MB37

    Joined: Aug '05; Posts: 1,744; Likes: 533

    15 Comments

  3. by   healer27
    I've decided there is no "perfect" time. I'm 35 and a new grad, kept saying after I graduate then ideally I wanted to work a year but now I'm just ready. I don't want to wait anymore, I'm already concerned that I'm 35 and this will be my first. And the way I figure it, I've sacrificed enough family time and other stuff already to get through nursing school. Why not originally planning it I think we are going to start trying soon, like I said just tired of waiting.. Things will work out one way or another with the job as far as I'm concerned.

    Good luck to you...
  4. by   EmerNurse
    There is no "perfect" time to have a child (I have 4, trust me). Your BC isn't 100% anyway so you never know.

    Do what's important to you - and pray a lot. If you want to have a baby now, go for it and let the chips fall where they may. Yes you'll be a nurse forever, but you'll be a mom for eternity.

    Just cause it may be harder doesn't mean it won't be doable. We'll all cheer you on no matter what you decide!

    Good luck!
  5. by   mom2cka
    I'm pregnant now (18 weeks, with a little less than 200 days to go before graduation, so baby will be here about 6 weeks before end of term) - it's doable for me... but I know that the students in our accelerated program are having it rougher than we are... advised not to work, heavy clinical schedules, etc. You know what you can handle - as well as the support system you'll have - the part I worry about is what happens if... bedrest, premie, etc. Good luck, whatever is decided!
  6. by   Halinja
    There really truly isn't a perfect time. (I have 4) What I did find is that my priorities in life changed after I had that first baby. If it was me...and this is just IMHO, I'd wait until after school.

    Its for the 'just in case'. Someday you'll need to make a living. In case something goes wrong, or changes, or whatever, it might be better to already have that degree under your belt before you have a baby. You can delay working if you have to, but that degree...man I wished I'd had that safety net a long time ago.

    Oh, and I had my last at 36, a perfect child. So in your 30's is not a one child only proposition.

    (Hope that makes sense, I don't feel very coherent today)
  7. by   aureliey
    Quote from MMW37
    Problem is, I know that time will never come. I am currently a pre-nursing student, and will hopefully start an acclerated BSN program in June. I would graduate the next August, after 4 intense semesters. I have been married for 15 months. I am 27 right now, will be 29 when I graduate. My husband is 10 years older than I am. We're both getting a little nervous that we should go ahead and do this sooner rather than later. The current plan is to quit using BC in my last (summer) semester and let nature take it's course, knowing I might not even get pregnant until after graduation, or it could happen the first time. That would entail sitting for NCLEX pregnant, going to interviews that way, and starting my first job a few or several months along. Everyone on the pre-nursing forum says not to do it while in school, since you never know how difficult the pregnancy will be. I just read previous discussions on this board, and everyone says not to do it in your first year of nursing. If I wait any longer though, I'll be in my 30s and DH in his 40s with our first child. What if we want more than one? He'd like to be able to play catch, etc., and to be alive long enough to meet his grandkids. Should we try while I'm in school? My program is very intense, but I saw two pregnant girls at the NS the other day when I had to go to a meeting. They might not be doing accelerated though, or could be graduating in Dec. DH has a hard time understanding why we can't just start trying now. We could, and I could apply to start in Jan 08 instead, but then I'd be doing NS with a newborn...please help!
    I agree with the others that there is no 'perfect' time to have a child, but I do believe that it's better to get your education completed if you can, before your first child. I know people that are going to school and have children, and they seem to do ok, but they all admit it's not easy, and if they had to do it all over again, they would have decided to complete their degree before they had children.
    Life is not the same for everyone though and different people have different opportunites, circumstances, etc.
    BUT if you are in the position to get your degree now, before you have children, I think it's the best idea, in my opinion.
    I am also in an Accelerated program right now, and can tell you that it IS intense and you have to study alot, and I could not see myself doing this program with a newborn or even a toddler for that matter.
    There are a few students who got pregnant in our program and have already missed alot of clinical days due to morning sickness, etc. Plus, if they give birth before the program is finished, they may not be able to get back into the swing of clinicals immediately after giving birth. No one knows how a birth will go, if they need a c-section, etc. The school will not necessarily pass them just because they were out for pregnancy. They may have to repeat the semester + pay again.


    If you finish by 29, and work for a year (if you decide that), and get pregnant by 30 or even 31, that's still a good age. I know that after age 35, they say it's more risky but I do know many people who have had children in their mid-late 30s and perfectly healthy babies.

    Even if you didn't want to wait a year to get work experience, and just get pregnant at 29 (if you're very nervous about waiting), that's also another option. I think late 20s is the best age for pregnancy anyway..I mean emotionally since at this age we are more mature and maybe better prepared, etc. I think it would be easier for you to get the Accel. program done FIRST, and then if you really want to get pregnant, do it, and you can always wait to start a job afterwards.
    But seriously, many women have more than 1 baby in their early-mid 30s.
  8. by   aureliey
    Quote from MMW37
    Problem is, I know that time will never come. I am currently a pre-nursing student, and will hopefully start an acclerated BSN program in June. I would graduate the next August, after 4 intense semesters. I have been married for 15 months. I am 27 right now, will be 29 when I graduate. My husband is 10 years older than I am. We're both getting a little nervous that we should go ahead and do this sooner rather than later. The current plan is to quit using BC in my last (summer) semester and let nature take it's course, knowing I might not even get pregnant until after graduation, or it could happen the first time. That would entail sitting for NCLEX pregnant, going to interviews that way, and starting my first job a few or several months along. Everyone on the pre-nursing forum says not to do it while in school, since you never know how difficult the pregnancy will be. I just read previous discussions on this board, and everyone says not to do it in your first year of nursing. If I wait any longer though, I'll be in my 30s and DH in his 40s with our first child. What if we want more than one? He'd like to be able to play catch, etc., and to be alive long enough to meet his grandkids. Should we try while I'm in school? My program is very intense, but I saw two pregnant girls at the NS the other day when I had to go to a meeting. They might not be doing accelerated though, or could be graduating in Dec. DH has a hard time understanding why we can't just start trying now. We could, and I could apply to start in Jan 08 instead, but then I'd be doing NS with a newborn...please help!
    Oh, one more thought..you said your husband wants to be able to play with your children and meet his grandkids..i understand this..but if you have a child in 2 yrs (after you finish your nursing program) will that really make much of a difference regarding how old he will be when your child is 8-10 yrs old for example?
    If your husband is 39 when you have a child, he will be 49 when the child is 10 yrs old. , vs. 47-48 if you wanted to get pregnant now. Not much difference..it's not like he will be 58.
    I think that 1 -2 yr wait would be worth it, if you can get your degree first, and don't have to worry about juggling schoolwork a newborn (getting up at night, losing sleep) or toddler while going back to school.
  9. by   BSNtobe2009
    As young as you are, and since you are already in the nursing program, my advice is to wait about 4 to 5 months before graduating before trying to get pregnant.

    I had my first at 35, and the sleep deprivation is absolutely maddening for those first 2 to 3 months. I thought I was going to die dealing with just work, but school? Where I actually had to pay attention, study, learn, and retain large amounts of information? No way, my brain would have shut down.

    Also, not all pregnancies go perfect, and it's something you have to keep in mind. What happens if you get put on bedrest or have other pregnancy complications? If you have a c-section, that is an 8 week recovery. You can always take time off from work, you can't take alot of time off from school and end up having to repeat the semester or reapply.

    You are so close to finishing you degree, concentrate on your school, so when you have that beautiful baby, you'll be able to concentrate on your baby.
  10. by   pRepariNgME2009
    I graduated in Dec. 2005 and I now have a 6 month old. What ever you do make sure you take the NCLEX before you have the baby because once the baby gets here they will take all of your time and you will be extremely tired. Take it from someone who's going through it as we speak. Its extremely hard to study with a baby around. An alternative to what I am saying is having a nanny or a daycare for the baby to go to for a couple of hours a day while you get your studying in. :typing
  11. by   MB37
    Thanks so much, everyone who replied. It's not that I feel like I have to do it now, it's that I don't want to keep waiting until the time is "right." I need to have my annual exam in November anyways, so I am also going to talk to my NP about options - right now I'm on depo, so I want to maybe at least switch BCs and get on something I can go off of easier in a year or two. I think after asking a lot of advice here and of friends and relatives, we might consider just stopping BC with maybe 5-6 months before graduation. Obviously, we don't even know if we're able to conceive, or how long it'll take. Then even if it happens the first time, I think the timing might be OK. Then just go about our business, if we don't get pregnant until after I graduate, that's fine too. Also, my husband is able to work from home almost any day he wants to, and his hours just have to equal at least 36/week. He can do 3 12's too if he so desires. That makes a lot of eventual child care decision easier. Anyways, thanks guys, and I guess we probably just have to figure this out for ourselves.
  12. by   aureliey
    Quote from MMW37
    Thanks so much, everyone who replied. It's not that I feel like I have to do it now, it's that I don't want to keep waiting until the time is "right." I need to have my annual exam in November anyways, so I am also going to talk to my NP about options - right now I'm on depo, so I want to maybe at least switch BCs and get on something I can go off of easier in a year or two. I think after asking a lot of advice here and of friends and relatives, we might consider just stopping BC with maybe 5-6 months before graduation. Obviously, we don't even know if we're able to conceive, or how long it'll take. Then even if it happens the first time, I think the timing might be OK. Then just go about our business, if we don't get pregnant until after I graduate, that's fine too. Also, my husband is able to work from home almost any day he wants to, and his hours just have to equal at least 36/week. He can do 3 12's too if he so desires. That makes a lot of eventual child care decision easier. Anyways, thanks guys, and I guess we probably just have to figure this out for ourselves.
    Hope you can figure out what's best for you both. It's great that your husband can stay home so you don't have to worry about childcare.
    Yet, from my experience in an Accel Nursing program, it's not so much the childcare that people w/children have problems with (since there's even a childcare center in the school) and most have supportive husbands that help with childcare, chores etc..BUT it's the energy you need for actual schoolwork, studying, clinicals, etc. that may be a problem if you decide to get pregnant while still in school. I know some people have ok pregnancies and barely got morning sickness or any problems, but if this is your 1st preg. you really don't know how your body will react, and how you will feel during the 1st trimester or if you will have any complications which may require extra bedrest, etc. You may do just fine, but it's just something to keep in mind, which would probably make it a bit easier for you to weigh your options if it's worthwhile getting preg. ASAP or after your graduation, or at least very close to graduation.
    Good luck with whatever you decide.
  13. by   Heather, R.N.
    Well, girl, lemme tell you a story. The stork visited my nursing school. I got pregnant (while taking OB- well, not while taking it, mind you- it happened at home) with my second son during my senior year. He was born the week after graduation, but was a month early... One of my friends got pregnant literally 5 days before me and her daughter was born the month after graduation- almost 2 weeks late. Another friend had her son 6 weeks before I did (born in October) and another one of my friends got pregnant with twins. We were all pregnant at the same time! And we all made it, all passed the HESI on the first try (we had to pass in order to graduate), all graduated, and all passed the NCLEX on the first try. It's doable!! Speaking from experience, it can be done. My hard thing has been going back to work. I've been fortunate that I've been able to take the past year off (I start a new job in 2 weeks) and 2 of the other moms took some time off for maternity leave as well. That is more difficult, imo, than trying to finish nursing school. Also, we all freaked out a little more than most pregnant moms because we were well aware of every minute thing that could go wrong. lol... It does take a little more effort, but it's not the end of the world!! Good luck in whatever you decide!!! (Oh, that I know of, only one of us actually planned the pregnancy, so what happens, happens!!)
  14. by   MiaNJ
    Quote from MMW37
    Thanks so much, everyone who replied. It's not that I feel like I have to do it now, it's that I don't want to keep waiting until the time is "right." I need to have my annual exam in November anyways, so I am also going to talk to my NP about options - right now I'm on depo, so I want to maybe at least switch BCs and get on something I can go off of easier in a year or two. I think after asking a lot of advice here and of friends and relatives, we might consider just stopping BC with maybe 5-6 months before graduation. Obviously, we don't even know if we're able to conceive, or how long it'll take. Then even if it happens the first time, I think the timing might be OK. Then just go about our business, if we don't get pregnant until after I graduate, that's fine too. Also, my husband is able to work from home almost any day he wants to, and his hours just have to equal at least 36/week. He can do 3 12's too if he so desires. That makes a lot of eventual child care decision easier. Anyways, thanks guys, and I guess we probably just have to figure this out for ourselves.
    I am currently almost done with an Accelerated BSN nursing program, and can tell you that although there are students who have kids, some have been able to make it and a few others dropped out. They all have childcare taken care of, and their husbands do help around the house, but you have to keep in mind that a young infant or toddler does need to bond with the mother.

    A couple students also told me about the 'guilt' factor, and even if their husbands actually understood that they had to stay in the library hours after class to study ( since studying at home with a young child is not the easiest (they always want mommy's attention, etc) the women still felt that they were neglecting the child during the most important time in their life, their first yrs.
    The Accelerated programs are very intense and fast paced, and though it is worth the sacrifice in my opinion, to work hard for a year or so..But if you have a child under 5 especially, even 1 year that you miss important moments or time with him/her are very important for that age group.

    I'm not saying that people can't go to school with babies or toddlers and make it fine, but I'm just saying it's VERY difficult to juggle homework, papers, studying, clinicals, while trying to give your child Qualilty time...during a fast paced intense program like Accelerated BSN. Of course, women do manage some quality time, but it doesn't mean they aren't exhausted, tired, and wish they had more time to give their child.

    At least this is what a few female students told me, about the reason they decided to drop out, since they had a baby or toddler at home.
    They will return to school later, or maybe decide to do the traditional nursing program which is not so intense or fast paced.

    Women juggle work and babies/toddlers all the time, but actual work is not so intense as an Accelerated Nursing program, since you have to do so much studying, work in so little time and most schools don't allow Cs, you have to do better or fail.
    I personally would rather finish school first, and I'm already early 30s, but I don't think I would've been able to finish this program if i had been pregnant or a baby at home. I do plan to try conceiving as soon as I graduate, and I think it's still a good time.

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