First Patient Death

[angelsite2850]

Today was my first day alone on the med cart. I was obviously very nervous but took the time to check and double check in order to be in corresponding to time. So being that today was my first day, why not have a patient suddenly go into cardiac arrest on me? (I work in AL by the way). I had just given her meds and she was absolutely fine. 2 hours later, the aids and running over to my cart saying she was cold and clammy, and very nauseous. I began taking her vitals, but the experienced LPN ordered for us to do CPR. We were losing her. After pumping for 15 minutes, she came to and then back to being unresponsive. Long story short, she passed in the parking lot with EMS. Of course I panicked and rechecked all her meds. Everything was fine concerning the meds. I begged the LPN to check them for me and she assured that I didn't do anything wrong. I felt so guilty though. I still feel like I did something wrong. Why on my med pass? Am I alone in this? I miss the resident by the way. She was one of my favorites.

[KyRN😉]

I'm so sorry!!! I've had similar experiences and you CAN'T blame yourself or carry around that kind of heartache, or else you won't be able to function as a nurse. You are going to find yourself in situations that make you cry, speechless with rage, uncomfortable, and downright make you question your competency. However; the LPN that assured you that you did nothing wrong wouldn't say that unless she can't detect any fault. I used to beat myself up about not catching a change in condition earlier; but sometimes they just happen! Out of nowhere a beloved patient can be functioning fine and the next day you come back and they're comatose hooked up to a saline drip with the words, "palliative care," being whispered. Take comfort that you provided the best care you could and took the time to get to know them... It's not much but you can't blame yourself. Feel happy that you met them and shared moments:) If it helps I quickly brushed up on my assessment skills after the first patient that I REALLY adored died unexpectedly (of a bowel obstruction; something I felt I should have known), but I know it will happen again and again. You can't catch every thing, not when your living your own life outside of your work. It is sad though, I feel you!