being fired by patient's family member

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Specializes in Emergency/med surg.

hello,

I have been working in the ER for less than a year, in my ER we have to rotate through pedi/psych. Pedi is not my favorite because I am not that great at it yet. I took care of a sick developmentally delayed child, it was about 7 hours and the parent and I got along fine it seemed and I was in the room very frequently and was keeping a close eye on him, then all of a sudden - she snapped at me and then claimed I had a tone, I apologized right away and said it was purely unintentional and she then claimed that I had a tone throughout the night and had to work on my bedside manner and kept going... I was in shock and absolutely mortified, and then had to muster up the courage to ask another nurse to take care of them. My co-workers were surprised I was fired. I do just fine with difficult patients and do fine in psych. I cannot help but go over and over in my head what I did wrong or what I could have done better. I understand she had a long difficult night but to snap out of the blue!! How do nurses cope with this????

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

One thing I have learned: it's usually not about me. I am kind and friendly (and don't mistake my kindness for weakness), but these are people who are not at their best. Just like the song ... Let it go! :) Seriously.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I've been 'fired' by a patient or parent over the years. Generally, it makes me happy because the problematic behavior was theirs not mine. Just move along- it happens to everyone at some point.

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Specializes in NICU.

Do not take it personally. We have had parents "fire" so many of our nurses that the last time it happened, the charge nurse said "we are running out of nurses that haven't been fired by you, you need to deal with the nurse that is assigned".

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I was in shock and absolutely mortified, and then had to muster up the courage to ask another nurse to take care of them. My co-workers were surprised I was fired. I do just fine with difficult patients and do fine in psych. I cannot help but go over and over in my head what I did wrong or what I could have done better. I understand she had a long difficult night but to snap out of the blue!! How do nurses cope with this????

Well that stinks!

A couple of things:

- These things happen. I would say they happen to nearly everyone a time or two. Sometimes more depending on the patient population. Peds can be reeeallly rough with stuff like this.

- Take control of these situations, in the moment. I have looked earnestly/sincerely at a person or two and said, "I'm sorry, I'm very confused right now: Where is this coming from?" Hear what they have to say and you will know how to respond.

- If they are ranting and just choosing to abuse me, I offer to have them speak with "my supervisor" about their concerns, and let them know their concerns are very important to us, so I'm going to go ahead and call that person to come and help get to the bottom of this. I've never had any patient who wants to take it that far. Interpretation: They figured they could verbally insult (and sometimes abuse) me with impunity. But...I don't tolerate that. I remain pleasant, but one way or another they're not getting away with it.

- When they refuse to speak to my supervisor I say, "I know it's been a long night/this isn't pleasant/being in the ED stinks, etc., but I promise you I am here to help you, not to aggravate you or to give you the impression that I don't care. That would never be my intention." If they say "I know...." then we're all good. If they keep ranting, I tell them their concerns are beyond my purview and I will have the supervisor come speak with them. [Mostly because I want someone else to witness behavior that is over-the-top].

- If I can't turn this around (because of either on my own emotions or their behaviors) I make arrangements with a coworker to swap a patient, and I don't feel one bit bad about it. You can't feel mortified/humiliated/etc. about these things. It is a "matter of fact" situation that comes up from time to time. That's all.

- Go to your coworker with confidence and say, "I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but I need to ask to swap a patient. Apparently the mom in 42 is infuriated with my care despite giving no indication of that for the past 7 hours. I think it would be best if she could see a fresh face - for both our sakes."

- Lastly: When you've had some sleep and some relaxation - yes...briefly review what happened in your mind. You know whether or not there was any inkling of truth to anything she said. If there was, you can do better next time. Be honest with yourself. If you really can't figure out how/why things went off the rails...let it go.

Take care ~

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Specializes in Adult and pediatric emergency and critical care.

I've been fired a couple of times, as long as you didn't do anything wrong I wouldn't worry about it.

We have a couple of regulars who love to fire their nurses, I personally take some joy (though I probably shouldn't) when I see their face when I tell them that every nurse in the ED has been fired by them and they have to deal with it. Most of our regulars who fire patients are already on a narcotic or behavioral care plan... I think that there is definitely a correlation.

Complaints about things like tone of voice, how you look at them, et cetera are often the most unfounded. They are the most difficult to prove or disprove and parents/patients learn that they are easy complaints to make.

There are plenty of hospitals in our market and there is a reason why they keep coming back, they have ulterior motives when they complain but the reality is that every ED treats them the same. I tend to ask them why they didn't go to the hospital across the street, the county hospital just a couple of miles away, or to the university system that is about 7 miles down the same road we are on. Turns out that our hospital isn't so bad after all.

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Specializes in Pedi.

I got fired one time because I took too long to bring water to a patient for his parents to flush his G-tube (water was freely accessible in the patient/family kitchen and there were also 2 sinks in the patient's room which would have sufficed just fine) when I was dealing with another critically acidotic patient with a bicarb of 9! I was a new grad at the time.

One of my coworkers (RIP) used to always say that the patients that fire you are the ones you don't want to be taking care of anyway. I generally wouldn't give it another thought.

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Specializes in LTC, Rehab.

I agree w/others: I don't think it was you. The vast majority of times I get along with almost all patients and family members, but I've been 'fired' a couple of times when a family member or members decided I was crap and I don't think a team of horses could've brought 'em back from that viewpoint.

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A patient fires their nurse????

Never had it happen, never seen it happen, never heard of it happening till now.

How does this happen? I have had people get angry with me for not doing what they wanted, how they wanted, or whatever, have had a few even ask for another nurse, but I am their nurse. If they don't like it (and I have not done anything illegal, immoral, unethical etc) then they can continue to deal with me or they can leave. Like I said, never had it get to that point though.

Just as I can't refuse to take care of someone because they tick me off (heck, that is 3/4 of the patients some times), they are stuck with me.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

I was fired by a patient's family member once because she swore I was sick & she didn't want her 90+ year old father (who honestly need to be a DNR & not a full code) to get sick.

I wasn't sick, I have allergies. I tried my best to explain to her that my nose is either stuffed & I'm trying to breathe or my nose is running. She didn't believe me & fired me. I was super glad because she was a PIA! She had aides "taking care" of her father but they wouldn't help while he was in the hospital. They would just sit there & take notes to give to the daughter. I was super glad to give THAT patient away!

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I've been "fired" by patients and family members a few times in my 18 years of nursing. I'm working LTC now (after ER, ICU, then home health). The most recent time I got "fired" was when I was working the floor covering a sick call where I'm DON. One of our residents has a 12:00 and 5:00 pain pill that she believes is due at 11:00 and 4:00. I brought her first pill to her at 11:05. Later, when I was outside her door at 4:00 getting ready to bring her 5:00 pain pill, the administrator brought me a letter she'd sent him. She said "That new aide you hired clearly does not know what she is doing. She was very late bringing my pain pill and I'm afraid she won't bring my next pain pill at all. I don't want her taking care of me any more."

Nobody is immune from being "fired". :)

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Specializes in Pedi.
A patient fires their nurse????

Never had it happen, never seen it happen, never heard of it happening till now.

How does this happen? I have had people get angry with me for not doing what they wanted, how they wanted, or whatever, have had a few even ask for another nurse, but I am their nurse. If they don't like it (and I have not done anything illegal, immoral, unethical etc) then they can continue to deal with me or they can leave. Like I said, never had it get to that point though.

Just as I can't refuse to take care of someone because they tick me off (heck, that is 3/4 of the patients some times), they are stuck with me.

When I worked in the hospital, when a patient's parent "fired" their nurse, the charge nurse generally honored their request to reassign the patient to a new nurse. Once it's gotten to that point, it's better for all involved to just switch the assignments. I've taken over for a nurse whose patient "fired" her before (and of course it was a patient that no one on the floor wanted to take care of and she clung to me/decided she wanted me moving forward) and, as referenced above, once a patient's parents "fired" me because I took too long to bring them water. I was perfectly happy to not take care of them again.

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