Feeling like a failure (long)

Published

:( This is so hard.......but here goes. I am a new LPN, just completing my 3rd week of Orientation at a busy hospital. Last night I made a med error and feel like my spirit is broken.

It was 7:10p and I was completely finished with my 2 patients, charting, etc.......one of the other nurses I work with was trying to complete her charting and got a call that one of her patients needed pain meds.....she looked at me and I asked if she would like me to give.....asked her what she was ordered to get and she said "morphine", no problem I thought, been giving my patient IV push Morphine all day (4 doses, 10mg/1ml).....not sure what I was thinking (or not) and didn't double/triple check the order....long story short gave the elderly woman 10mg/1ml IV push Morphine, when she was ordered to get 1mg/.1ml every hour......as soon as I came back to chart I saw there was something wrong, double checked in Pyxis and immediately told the nurse who called the charge nurse ...... she says "Oh ****" and I'm asking how much Narcan to get out and they both disappear to the room, I'm heading down the hall to the room and COMPLETELY lose it, start crying uncontrollably because of my mistake and the possible harm I could have caused this patient, ducked into the empty room next door and just cried and cried and cried. After the patient was taken care of (she's fine) one of the other nurses finds me and tries to tell me that it's OK, it was just an accident and everything would be OK. She tells me that the important part is that I caught the error and reported immediately so the situation could be corrected. As kind as she was I cannot forgive myself for this complete and total idiotic moment.......and am even doubting I should be working in this hospital.......my clinicals in school were at rural hospitals, I didn't have a rotation with the med or IV nurses, and just completed (last Monday) the IV therapy class at this hospital. There are of course several reason I could give (exhausted, getting over a severe sinus infection....blah, blah, blah) but they would only be excuses for a situation that I should have never allowed to happen. I am seriously debating a change of position to the hospital in my area (I currently commute 45 minutes) because I feel as though I may need to become more comfortable in a slower setting before I even attempt to do bedside in a busy hospital. I am SO devastated right now and start crying every time I think about this mistake. My nursing school classmate (and carpool buddy) tried to tell me last night not to worry, she says that I have such high expectations of myself (my class joked about my perfectionism and possible OCD) that I do not allow the possibility of mistakes to enter my vocabulary.......she says I need to let it go and understand that mistakes happen and if every nurse who made a med error was fired there would be no nurses. Although I value her encouragement, I don't even know where to begin to accept this mistake.......and I am terrified of walking back into work on Wednesday for SO MANY REASONS. I have been feeling uncomfortable off and on for 2 weeks now, but actually felt more confident yesterday.......maybe that was the problem, began feeling a little too comfortable.

So what happens now? Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated, I was so heartbroken that the career I have wanted for so long, the path I believe I was meant to take, may not have been the right decision. I could not forgive myself if I harmed someone I was supposed to be caring for.

Thanks for reading, I know this was long.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

I'm sorry you made this error. We all are human and make mistakes. We live and learn.

What are you going to learn and what are you going to do next time.

(PS who would order someone 1 mg of Morphine, that's such a stingy little dose, you may as well be giving saline. 10 mg isn't a lethal dose, I give those kinds of doses hourly all the time, and might have made the same mistake.)

Hang in there, feel your feelings, learn your lesson, and then let it go. You've got to pick youself up and let your confidence be shaken, but not broken.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/CCU/MICU/SICU/CTICU.

I agree with Tweety.

We all make mistakes, what we do with those mistakes is up to us. Learn from them, dont give up.

You are only 3 wks into your new position, dont beat yourself up. I too have given 10mg of Morphine to a patient, 1mg is not enough to relieve pain. The main thing is your patient was ok.

You speak of moving to a smaller slower paced hospital. The same thing could have happened there. It doesnt matter what kind of hospital you are in.

Please dont beat yourself up, do not let this deter you from being the nurse that you always wanted to be. You realized what happened, you reported it, and thats that. If it shook your confidence, then that will only make you more aware of the things you do from now on, which is a good thing.

Sending hugs to you :icon_hug:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

THANK YOU BOTH.....SO MUCH.....I have resolved to make sure that every IV push med is double checked by another nurse for awhile......and to triple check my order against the pyxis against the computer and then check it ONE more time just for my peace of mind. And I am trying to accept the fact that one mistake a pattern DOES not make......as long as I learn something valuable (I DID) and use it to guide my path in the future I am doing what I need to do to keep it from happening again.

And I do agree that it could have happened ANYWHERE.....except that the rural hospital that I did clinicals at has an IV nurse and Med nurse, so less likely to happen there. However, I am NOT going to run away with my tail between my legs (so to speak) to something that is easier.....the experience I am gaining at this hospital is incredibly valuable and I would be giving up a fantastic opportunity.

I cannot begin to tell you how much your encouragement means and will keep them close as I return to work on Wednesday (NERVOUS about that let me tell ya....LOL).

:redpinkhe Thank you again, means more than you know!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care.

Shake it off, get back on the horse.

You aren't defined by your failures but what you learn from them.

And while it looms large now, in the grand scheme of things, it says absolutely nothing about your skills and abilities. So don't let yourself tell yourself that it does.

~faith,

Timothy.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds - playing with the kids.

:( i'm sorry this happened to you.

however, we do all make mistakes. everyone has made a med error. everyone. those who responded about such a small dosage of morphine are correct too. we give more than 1 mg on peds:uhoh3: .

there is one part that you are not giving yourself credit for...you realized your mistake and took corrective actions. you did the right thing. you didn't try to cover it up. you owned up to your mistake. i doubt it is one that you will make again.

try not to be too hard on yourself.

:icon_hug: hugs to you!!!:icon_hug:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You should not feel like a failure. I too have made stupid mistakes like this...we would not be human if we didn't. I'm very glad everything turned out okay for your patient. I felt exactly like you do when I first started nursing. I would go over everything that happened on a particular day in my head and obsess over even the smallest mistake or something I forgot to do. Your perfectionism can be a good and a bad thing. It will make you a much more careful, consciencious nurse, but it can also make you doubt yourself b/c it is impossible to be perfect. I'm glad the nurse you were working with gave you support. I wish other nurses could always be so supportive when one of their colleagues makes a mistake. God bless you and good luck! Remember when you start to obsess about something to ask yourself if it will really matter 5 years down the road....if not then it is not worth stressing yourself out about. :wink2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I am starting to realize that I am probably harder on myself than anyone else will be.....and the fact that people I don't even know have given me such wonderful advice and encouragement moves me beyond words and I cannot express my gratitude enough for all of you......I know that you must be fantastic nurses because you offer your care to those in need whether they be patient or fellow human being. I am feeling better by the minute and feel so grateful for this site and you wonderful people who are a part of it....God Bless you all!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/CCU/MICU/SICU/CTICU.
I am starting to realize that I am probably harder on myself than anyone else will be.....and the fact that people I don't even know have given me such wonderful advice and encouragement moves me beyond words and I cannot express my gratitude enough for all of you......I know that you must be fantastic nurses because you offer your care to those in need whether they be patient or fellow human being. I am feeling better by the minute and feel so grateful for this site and you wonderful people who are a part of it....God Bless you all!!!

Just think, in a few years you too will be here offering support to other nurses. Know that we will be here for you and anytime you need to vent, cry or yell, we are here.

As nurses, we understand each other and our trials and heartaches. :clown:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You will never forget this, not should you. Years from now, you'll be telling a sobbing new nurse this story. My first med error sent me into shock- I felt like I shouldn't be taking care of plants anymore, let alone people, and I couldn't understand why noone would give me the punishment I felt I deserved. Know what? I didn't deserve it, and I have probably told ten nurses that story after they come to me doubting every skill they have because they messed up once. The fact that it is affecting you this way means that you are the type of nurse we need more of. You could give me my meds anyday, and I would trust you implicitly.

Lori

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in aged -adolescent.

Hi, I agree with Jilly K rn, you were honest and owned up and we all make mistakes. I'm glad the people you worked with were supportive. You will get over it and at least your co-workers know you can be trusted. Take heart.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.

I agree with the other posters... with one addition. I think 3 weeks is too early to be medicating other patients. I'm near the end of my 3 month med/surg orientation and have just started medicating other people's patients.

Learn and let go. It's the only healthy choice.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion