phone calls no outsider would believe

Emery · Oct 25, 2006

I've often thought maybe we should hand out those little things from restaurants (that buzz and light up when your table is ready) to our patients - then they could go grab a drink at our Starbucks, or browse the gift shop while they're waiting to be seen.
QUOTE]
Have a hospital in my area that does that!! I laughed out loud when they handed it to me!

Nursetobejmm · Oct 25, 2006

These are really great funnies!!!!! I am a student nurse and although I know sometimes it will be rough at work because of the workload, it's nice to know I will still have times when I can laugh about my job as well!!!!!!! :balloons:

Fuzzy · Oct 26, 2006

Female caller asks- "Is dog semen harmful if swallowed?"

Yep I've gotten this one several times. It's even been passed on to me by the receptionist because she had nooooo idea how to answer it. I put my straight face on as I answer, "No, but your semen is toxic to the dog, cat, horse, sheep (insert animal here), etc. How is your pet acting? Is he running in circles? Chasing his rear? If so we need to see him right away!!!" :lol2: :devil: The caller usually just hangs up the phone. If they are stupid enough to stay on the phone, I continue with the fact that gastric lavage and maybe surgery will be necessary. The vet that I work for just dies laughing.:rotfl:

It's true a sense of humor is needed to work in vet med. I also get my share of weird calls including people who want to have their cell phone service upgraded. Our number is one digit off from T-Mobile which makes things interesting in the middle of the night. Especially when people can't figure out that pushing redial will not connect them to T-Mobile. So it's true, I changed phone service for some people who have noooooooooo clue.

Fuzzy :paw:

BSNtobe2009 · Oct 26, 2006

:rotfl:
Why do I have visions of a high pressure water cleaning device involved with this case?
Sorry, I guess I'm a little punchy today and some of these are really hitting me as being more hilarious than what they probably are...

Hey, you never know how nasty her date was...maybe there was good reason for her question

Anna23 · Oct 27, 2006

Thank you guys, you made my night. :chuckle

I've visited the site quite a few times and I've realy enjoyed this one.

I will share some of your memories with my co-workers once I'm back from leave.

justjenny · Oct 27, 2006

this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"
why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?!

my neighbor asked me about the medical condition of another neighbor ("what would cause such-and-such to happen??") of course, i 'm not going to discuss this with him, so i said "i don't know" and he acted shocked and said "what do you mean you don't know - you are a nurse aren't you?!?!"

while i'm glad he feels nurses are very knowledgeable, he forgot that we are also ethical

love this thread! keep 'em coming!

jenny

twotrees2 · Nov 8, 2006

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.
I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!
Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!
What's yours?

some of our docs offices have gone to automated reminder systems to call and remind you of your appointment and ask if you will be there. thats ok until they started calling work ( nursing home) - ummm yeah and i am to know which of the 90 residents we have is due to go to the doc ( they dont say docs name just the clinic name) and which doc they are to see - i just hang up.

or when the cable co calls and ask for such and such - who happens to be a resident - and they get mad when you tell them call in morning when office is open as they atke care of the residents bill.

or phone co calling to switch plans - ummm yeah like i know what lomg distance my work wants.

preemieRNkate, RN · Nov 8, 2006

i have recently qualified, i was working on the gynaecology ward (therefore it only had female patients!!!!) at our hospital as a student (it was my last one of four nights) and at 3am a young lady rung up and said: can i ask you how my mum is?
i had been at work for 6 hours and wanted to go to bed when this happened i managed to ask the woman who her mum was with out getting mad. it annoyed me that she thought we should know her voice over the phone and would give her information just on that basis.

Caller: "I'm calling to see how my baby is?"

Me: "Ok, and who is your baby?"

Caller: "John (or whatever said baby's first name is)."

Me: "Ok, well we have 40 babies on the unit, I'm just not quite sure who John is. Can I have a last name?"

Caller: "Oh." :idea:

When we have 40 kids and 15-20 nurses, how am I supposed to know who baby John is? I'm lucky if I know the first names of the kids I'm taking care of!

Funny thread!

Justhere, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2006

we get similar calls in nursery all the time.
"could you come pick up brandon for the night"
"what's brandon's last name?"
"jones"
"maam... we don't have a baby jones... what last name was the mom admitted under?"
"smith"
"maam... the baby is admitted as 'boy smith'. in the future, when you call, you'll need to refer to your baby as 'boy smith' so we will know who you are taking about."
(what i wish i could say..."i have 6 babies to care for of the 18 total in the nursery, i do well to keep up with 'boy smith' - i cannot be on a first-name basis with all 18 babies!")
this problem also happens too often when friends & family members call to see if a certain baby is in the nursery. after the call has been bounced a couple of times back and forth between the nursery and nicu, we finally figure out that they are asking for the wrong last name. i have gotten to the point i just go ahead & ask up front, "is that mom's last name?" since married couples are the minority these days - at least at our hospital.
we also have fathers who get flat out angry when we write mom's maiden name on the crib card - some ranting to the point you can't get a word in edgewise to explain that whatever name mom is admitted under is the name the baby will go by for this admission only.
i finally have gotten to the point, when dealing with a dad that is being ridiculous about it, that i say,
"do you want your baby to be sent home with the wrong parents?"
"of course not!" he bellows - but now i have his attention
"well then, the baby's name and mom's need to match so that we can keep them paired up, and not get any babies mixed up when we send them home... you will sign papers for the birth certificate before your baby goes home. you can choose the child's legal name then. this is just temporary."
they usually settle down at that point.
(what i wish i could say is "if you want the baby to have your name, then you should have married the mom!!!!!")

do we work in the same hospital? (wish i could say "if you want the baby to have your name don't have sex until you marry the mom!!!!!)

we get calls into the nursery like

caller: yes my baby won't sleep through the night can i give her something?

me: no.

caller: but when will she start sleeping through the night.

me: sometime between now and hopefully by the time they are two, if by then. how old is your baby?

caller: two weeks.

me: ma'am your baby is too young to sleep through the night at this time, she needs to wake up and feed.

caller: ok thanks, i'm just so sleepy.

twotrees2 · Nov 8, 2006

Caller: Hi...is there any nurses there? I have a question. (Nope...no nurses here...I'm a patient and the phone woke me up, so I answered it.)
Sure...I'm a nurse.
Caller: Oh...I didn't know if there was someone there at night or if the patients just called someone if they needed something.
We're here 24/7...what is your question?
Caller: Well, you know those home pregnant tests? My friend bougt one because she got drunk and got laid and when I made a wet on that stick, the little pop up message said, "pregnant." Now does that mean my friend is gonna have a baby?
Are you trying to find out if you are pregnant or is your friend trying to find out if she is pregnant?
Caller: Oh...well, it's my friend...she made a wet on that stick.
Oh, OK. Usually if the test window says pregnant, whoever used the test is pregnant. The chances of a false postive are very slim.
Caller: So, she might not be pregnant?
That is always possible, but unlikely. If she isn't sure, she needs to make an appointment with her doctor. Who is her doctor? (I only asked because we had one doctor who didn't want us telling his pregnant patients anything...he wanted to give any telephone advice, etc).
Caller: I go to Dr. _____.
But, who does your friend see?
Caller: Oh, yeah...she sees him too.
Well...the best advice I can give your friend is to schedule an appointment...his office opens at 8:30...do you need his phone number?
Caller: No...I have an appointment tomorrow. I just wanted to know if she is pregnant or not.
OK...call if you have anymore questions or concerns.
Caller: I will...what is the phone number for the hospital?

hahaha whats the ohone numbeer. hehehe. however - if you are like us - our number is almost exact to hospital - we have 745 - they are 748 - and last 4 are same - we often get calls fielded to our number by accident - lol

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Nov 8, 2006

ME: "Really. But all worm emergency aside - your nephew and maybe others in the family will need to see your doctor for de-worming as soon as possible - call first thing in the morning. But, you can come to the ER....yak, yak yak - standard answer ". :)

Really...they don't have to actually come in for deworming treatments until they start dragging their bums across the carpet. As an ER nurse you should KNOW that.:trout:

twotrees2 · Nov 8, 2006

i have recently qualified, i was working on the gynaecology ward (therefore it only had female patients!!!!) at our hospital as a student (it was my last one of four nights) and at 3am a young lady rung up and said: can i ask you how my mum is?
i had been at work for 6 hours and wanted to go to bed when this happened i managed to ask the woman who her mum was with out getting mad. it annoyed me that she thought we should know her voice over the phone and would give her information just on that basis.

oh yeah - those ones are great - and all to frequent at LTC - hello- we have 90 residnets here can you give me a name- or they will want to talk to the nurse of the patient in room 111 and honeslty - i dont do rooms lol - i have toask a name and then i will know who has them ( yes lol maybe i shold know exact rooms but heck- its hard enough remebering names of 90 residents especially if they were just admitted. )