humor in the ER

  1. :chuckle

    never have those "just 2 beers" and let your partner, lover, girlfriend, or spouse (who also has had "just 2 beers" insert a fresh battery packed dildo in the exit area...it will and can advance and be heard doing so. You will need more anesthesia than "just 2 beers." Yes the nurses and doctors are laughing.
    Never try to catch a rattlesnake by throwing your baseball cap and as it strikes at your baseball cap grab it by the head. Then drop it after it bites you, continue to the grocery store and to have your oil checked.
    No we can't do a pelvic on your 15 y/o daughter to tell you if she has had sex with the good for nothing boyfriend.
    Yes, there are several serial shooters of young men who are out for a nightly stroll at 3 am. Who were minding their own business and end up getting shot in the buttocks.
    No urine does not come from your vagina, yes there is another hole down there.
    please, please, never put anything around your penis to enhance your sexual pleasure unless it has been made to do so. Because even the jaws of life cannot get it off, not 3 maintenance workers in the hospital, no ky jelly will not work, no we can't use a welding torch, (would you really want us to?), and the ring cutter will not work, and you will need more than 2 beers. I don't know if it will work again.
    Never get off your Harley at night and pull down your jeans and attempt to pee in the median of the interstate,,,rattlers will respond to your urinating on them, they don't care where they bite you.
  2. Visit beckrn2396 profile page

    About beckrn2396

    Joined: Jan '04; Posts: 1; Likes: 1
    rn er

    131 Comments

  3. by   nurseofurdreams
    rotfl, i love ER funny stories. worse thing i ever heard getting stuck up in a woman is a half eaten hot dog, and my ex told me of women in mexico putting potatoes up there to hold up putruding uteruses. yup they went bad and sprouted.
  4. by   traumaRUs
    The ER has always provided me with plenty of humor material, but the sad thing is that it is all too real!
  5. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Beck...

    By the time I got to the end of your post, I was laughing to hysterics. However, like Trauma said....the sad truth to the humor is that usually it is very real and true. But yes, the ER (and the ICU, too) have kept me in laughter.
  6. by   SpnshEyes1975
    Never have those 'just two beers', call 911 saying you are being assaulted, tangle youself up in dog chains and say that someone did that to you, then claim that you want to kill youself, tell the EMT's that you chewed up a whole bottle of Zanex, then changed your mind and spit them out, and then when you get to the hospital refuse treatment, say that you lied and demand to go home. (Epecially if you are only about 4'8" and weight all of 90 lbs!) Don't turn out to fun.. for you anyway.. nurses all get a good laugh, though! LOL

    Rachael
  7. by   RNin92
    Soooo...is it humor when the 24 y/o heroin kid who was "suicidal" when busted by PD was in leathers for most of the night shift to be screaming at the top of his lungs..."you CANNOT keep me here against my will"!!!!! :chuckle

    Or...when the spouse of a patient from an MVC happened to be a private injury attorney...and the drunk pt who T-Boned her practically sat up on cue and began ripping off his collar and backboard straps and started barrelling his way thru the ER...and ran into HIM...when I was asked..."so is the a$$hole who hit her here, too?"!!!

    WE were certainly LOL in my ER!!!
  8. by   huggietoes
    Never, never say "it happened like this" and proceed to reeanct the incident only to do it yourself, no we do not have a 2 for one discount on stupidity.

    Squash in the rectum may sound fun at the time but the excitement wanes as you lie prone in the waiting area desperately hoping a room will open up so someone can extract vegetables from your intimate places.

    Swallowing quarters so that you can see them on the xray may be educational but afterall what goes in must come out.

    Never tell the triage nurse "I got lucky three times this week" because a penile, oral, nasal and ocular STD is never a stroke of good luck.

    Don't act surprised when the pregnancy test comes back + after you lied to the nurse and said "no I have never had sex" with a straight face, I am not alerting the media about this 'immaculate conception'.

    I do believe that sometimes a free IQ test should be given at time of triage.
  9. by   Uptoherern
    DON'T GO TO TWO DIFFERENT HOSPITALS WITH THE SAME STORY IN ORDER TO GET NARCS, WHEN THE TRIAGE NURSE WORKS AT BOTH HOSPITALS. ALOT.
  10. by   2ndCareerRN
    Watch out for the "dude" brothers. Sometimes singly, but more often in groupsof two or more. They roam the streets at night with nothing better to do than attack poor unsuspecting victims. The victims are often drunk, and all they remember is some dude, or dudes attacked them for no reason.

    Yep, those "dudes" are some mean people.

    bob
  11. by   JACALA_CL
    Quote from 2ndCareerRN
    Watch out for the "dude" brothers. Sometimes singly, but more often in groupsof two or more. They roam the streets at night with nothing better to do than attack poor unsuspecting victims. The victims are often drunk, and all they remember is some dude, or dudes attacked them for no reason.

    Yep, those "dudes" are some mean people.

    bob
    hey!
    i thought those two dudes lived in my city!
    (think they are related?)
  12. by   traumaRUs
    Yo, I was walking down the street mindin my own business, when two dudes started shootin at me!
  13. by   MAGIK GIRL
    i think there is a whole "dude" tribe that is spead out all over the world. their goal is to infiltrate your city and cause mayhem. this is done at will and with out reason. tell everyone you know that the "dudes " have arrived!
    Quote from JACALA_CL
    hey!
    i thought those two dudes lived in my city!
    (think they are related?)
    Last edit by MAGIK GIRL on Feb 13, '04
  14. by   RNin92
    Quote from 2ndCareerRN
    Watch out for the "dude" brothers. Sometimes singly, but more often in groupsof two or more. They roam the streets at night with nothing better to do than attack poor unsuspecting victims. The victims are often drunk, and all they remember is some dude, or dudes attacked them for no reason.

    Yep, those "dudes" are some mean people.

    bob
    Wow...those dudes sure get around!
    Just two nocs ago they showed up in the land of lincoln!!

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