Feeling broken and there's no way out...

Specialties Emergency

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Hello All, I need you all to lend your help. I am a new grad RN in a very busy ER, I just came off of a 9 week orientation in which I spent one of my 3 shifts each week in an Emergency Nursing course. I felt that I didn't get the best or most out of my orientation because my preceptor simply would NOT relinquish duties and let me do it alone. I would tell her that I can do it, will do it, and need to do it alone but only on my 2nd to last day did it happen. So I asked for an extension and was only granted 1 week more, hence the 9 wks instead of 8.

I had my first shift on my own yesterday and all was going well, I would ask the other nurses a question here and there, until I got the worst pt ever, who came with barely any info from the paramedics because they picked her up from a hostile environment. The pt was combative and clearly either on something or had a psych issue, refused to talk to us, was screaming, hollering, and lying on the hallway floors. Not to mention she was having lady partsl bleeding and just nothing could be done until we sedated her. (She painted the rm & bathroom in blood-literally, climbed over siderails, etc) To make a long story short, the hostile people from whence she came called, then showed up, then her mom called 911 saying we had her dead in the ER and wouldn't allow her to see her.

The mom turned out to be crazier than the pt, the md there was of no help as he refused to talk to the mom until I got my charge involved. I had every senior nurse that was working in my area helping me. I still somehow managed to try and care for my other 3 pts. After all was said and done, I stayed after my shift and made sure that I had charted graphically to "cya". As I was leaving my preceptor who was one of the nurses helping me said " this is why you needed more time, how are you supposed to ever work alone if you need help from everybody all day long".:madface: I feel that NO ONE could have handled that pt alone! (Did I mention that everyone stays there long enough to get experience then leave, the hospital has a constant revolving door, only the senior nurses on the old contract stay).

I have tried to be positive even when crying my way home after many grueling days. I study on my own time the things I don't know. I'm not completely new to nursing in general as I was an LVN for 13 yrs, but this is a different ball game. I never wanted ER, but have tried to make the best and do my best because frankly this is the only job offer I received. I REALLY want out, but who hires an RN with 9.5 wks experience:cry:

Specializes in ER, ICU.

The patient from hell can ruin your shift, and no nurse can manage every possible patient perfectly. Suck it up and keep going, this happens sometimes. Ignore the remark made by Debbie Downer. Take the opportunity to get stronger, since it didn't kill you. Good luck.

Thanks again everyone! I am in better spirits and will continue to make the best of what was dealt to me. I know that I am a good nurse, albeit a novice RN, but I will continue to give my all to my pts. Like one of you said, I'm so used to knowing, so to be put in the position of knowing nothing is hard to deal with. :confused: I'm taking with me the advice that you all gave, thanks again!!:loveya:

Great support here, so nice to read this kind of a post (not nice for RNRichi, but I'll bet even she is feeling a lot better.)

The worst part (I think) of being a nurse, well, a new nurse, is that we are hard on ourselves, lose confidence, and then the bottom feeders (those who eat their young) smell blood and swoop in.

I'm not sure why the profession attacts that kind of person, but it does.

I think the most important advice you could take is to stick it out, don't take ANY of it as a sign that you are sub par. You are learning, and in spite of Ms. Nasty Pants (har!) that is what we like to call the LEARNING CURVE, Jack*ss...

You are earning your stripes and I totally agree: You hack out a year there and you will get a much better position. And knowing what you know now, you'll never treat another nurse in such a demeaning way.

Specializes in Pediatric nursing: ED, forensic, neuro, triage.

Being in a new area of nursing can be really really hard and take so much out of you. Try to stay calm and not take what other's may say to you personally. It is true, some nurses can be down right nasty to their own, but there are as many awesome, kind, caring understanding ones that should mean more to you. That preceptor just seems nasty and messed up so avoid her if you can--detach yourself emotionally from her--be professional and really look towards learning from the nurses you respect. Focus on the ones who have awesome clinical skills AND treat others well.....

If, after all of your settling in, you decide it isn't right for you, then that's OK!! You will have learned from the experience and only be better for it.

Best of luck and remember how awesome you are : )

Everyone needs help sometimes and if that happened to a new grad right off orientation at my hospital people would probably be apologizing to that person for letting them be put in that awful situation right away. We usually try to slowly break people in. Let them build some confidence first.

Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..

"how are you supposed to ever work alone if you need help from everybody all day?" Gee, I did not know that nursing was a solo activity, I thought that we are supposed to help each other, but then, I have only been in the profession for 31 years, so what do I know?

Listen to me RNRichi, and I will tell you what is happening to you. The nurses you work with see themselves as a group, and you as an outsider. They do not know whether you will "pull your weight," or bail on them like those nurses who leave through the "revolving door." They are protecting themselves, and the integrity of their group, by requiring you to prove yourself "worthy" of membership. They see those who leave as opportunists who selfishly learned from them, and then abbandoned them, and they are unwiling to risk being hurt by investing themselves in anyone who has not yet proven their loyalty and willingness to conform to the group's values and identity.

Do you like to read? If you do, there is a book called Heroic Efforts by a sociologist named Jennifer Lois. It is her analysis of the socialology of a mountain search and rescue team. Yeah, I know, SAR is not nursing, but Lois goes into detail describing the mechanism of group acceptance that everyone has to endure in order to get "inside" any group. It is very enlightening, and a big help to anyone who is experiencing the "initiation process." The most important thing you may learn is that what you are experiencing is normal human group behavior. Mean and painful, yes, but we are flawed creatures, not angels, and this is how we roll.

Oh, and, please forgive me. I suffer from some compulsive personality flaws, and I will feel nervous all morning if I do not mention that the law you referenced is abbreviated HIPAA, not HIPPA. O.K. I feal better now. Just ignore this last paragraph, but take the stuff above it seriously.

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

We are here to support and encourage you dear. You had a horrific start with a very poor preceptor. But you survived your experience which tells a lot about your endurance. So hang in there until something better comes along. Just remember, what doesn't do you in does make you stronger.:hug:

LynnLRN- Boy do I wish I worked where you are! No one even offered an apologetic look my way. Well, I can't say that, the EMT that put the patient in my room, apologized beforehand saying, "I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but you're the only one with an available bed", unbeknownst to both of us what was about to take place. It seems that no one thinks twice about what kind of patient they give the new grad, it's pretty much sink or swim. Some days on orientation I was just treading water, but I was proud of myself that I wasn't sinking, this day was totally sunk to the bottom of the ocean!

Thanks CountyRat for the correction, I totally missed that I typed that. As for the normal human group behavior, I agree. Nonetheless, it's a shame that I have to go to work and spend 12 hours with these patients that have a warped sense of entitlement and even worse attitudes to go along with it, then have to deal with co-workers that add their bad attitude & snotty remarks. If this is how they treat others, I don't want to be part of their "group". I know, I know, I have to play the game. But my grandmother used to always tell me, "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar". I guess she didn't know that doesn't really apply to the ER;)

Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..

I hear you, sister. It's called "payin' yer dues." It is mean and grossly unfair, and I hate it, but it is not unique to nursing. Remember, your future will be better than your present, because you will either endure this "initiation ritual" and get inside, or you will leave for greener pastures, whichever you choose, so do not loose hope!

Oh, and as for those patients who have an unreasonable sence of entitlement, welcome to the profession. You will never escape that. Sigh!

You know the song - if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere. Hang in and get your experience down, then bail on them. They have huge issues, you said it yourself, they can't keep people and basically shoved you into what you didn't want. Next time you'll handle things differently. Keep your head up high and keep on going. I never cried about anything until my grandma died, I find the shower is the best place to wash those tears down the drain - it's hard to drive well if you're bawling....I'd hate to get pulled over with snot running down my nose. You will find yourself getting stronger and more capable and confident as time goes on, keep your compassion intact and show all those battleax you can handle it!

Specializes in ICU-my whole life!!.
Do not let a nasty preceptor ruin your spirit. She should not be allowed to precept.Hang in there.

What she said and stand your ground next time that so called preceptor tries to sound like they are superior to you. They are not! I wished I was there to put this nut in their deserving place.

It will get better. Keep going forward and do not stop.

Specializes in Hospice, ER.

Keep up the good work. Eventually you will become more comfortable. I've seen experienced ER nurses go nuts with hard patients. I would have had the pt sedated and in 4 points ASAP and had the doc by his tail. But when I was a new ER nurse, no way. I didn't know the routine. I just transferred from an 18-bed community ER to a huge teaching ER and boy was it culture shock time! After 5 weeks I just started to feel comfortable and the others are accepting me. Of course, I'm to crazy to care what they think but it helps when your coworkers accept you. Also, when others throw stink bombs at me I throw them back, but again, when I was new I just clammed up. With this new job, I went to my educator and let her know which nurses I liked precepting me and luckily she let me go with them. In the past I had rotten preceptors and had to suck it up. Their attitude can bring you so down but really its about them, not you. After 6 years in the ER I finally learned this. You will be fine and just keep on going. One day you will not cry anymore. That is the day you will get mad instead and then you will know you have made it.

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