This vile expression implies that experienced nurses do not treat new nurses kindly. My first problem with the statement is that it’s a generalization implying that all nurses are like that. Interestingly, whenever I hear someone utter the expression, I always say, “I don’t do that. Do you?” The person making the statement always says, “Oh no, I don’t, but many others do.” I’ve never heard even one nurse own up to doing this, although some nurses are willing to indict the entire profession. Every time that statement is repeated, it causes harm and casts a dark shadow on every nurse. Say anything enough, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please note that by moderator consensus some of the "Nurses Eat Their Young" posts will be referred to this thread where there can be an ongoing discussion, rather than several threads saying the same thing.
To students and new grads that are having problems with nurses, please take a moment to read the above link. Is it really the entire profession, every single nurse, or do you need help with one or a few nurses? We will be glad to help you in dealing with those people, but let bury the phrase "Nurses Eat Their Young".
To experienced nurses who claim our profession eats it's young, please take a moment to read it as well and think about it. Also take time to teach, be friendly and nurturing to the new nurse and students on your unit.
For every 5 or 6 nice ones there seems to be one who is rude, insensitive, and just plain mean to new nurses. I see why hospitals are understaffed when it comes to nurses. The job itself is stressful but that is to be expected. But when it comes to crabby co-workers, that's just a whole other story.
Why is there is need to belittle new nurses and to be rude to us?
Why do the mean ones stand out more than the nice ones when you're thinking about your day?
And now what should I do when I go back to work tomorrow? How do I approach/not approach this person? How do I not spend my working day feeling horrible and self-conscious?
What can I do as a new nurse to rebuild that self-esteem that I had and have now lost.
To all nurses that have been nursing for years, please think about your actions and responses to younger nurses. It's not fair to degrade us because we haven't been working as long as you have. New nurses are a valuable asset to nursing and we should be respected as such. Believe it or not, your actions do give new life to nursing. But rudeness kills the profession as more new nurses/ potential nurses leave for more satisfying careers.
And yes, I did speak with my nurse manager about a particular incident with this nurse and the NM said she has spoken with this nurse about this in the past and that she would speak to her again.
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. However, did you approach this person or did you go straight to the NM? If someone tattled on me without giving me the benefit of a face to face explanation first, I'd be pretty mean too.
There are unpleasant people everywhere and you need to develop a thick skin. As a professional, you are expected to resolve interpersonal conflicts yourself without your self-esteem being crushed, or the NM doing the dirty work for you.
I've only been a nurse for three years, but I've been a human being and a professional (nursing is a second career for me) for waaaay longer than that. You really have to try and not take things personally. It's hard to do, but you will be much happier in the end.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I'm nice...
Hmmmmmmmmm........so am I.
Not to put too fine a point on things, but I think generalizations about groups of nurses do our profession more harm than the occasional "mean" nurse.
I experienced so much more hazing etc when I was a newbie in my first profession...nursing seemed like a cakewalk in comparison. I'm an old nurse now and I work very hard to support the efforts of new younger nurses in my specialty.
Just musing here...but I do see some marked generational trends. I've been completely independent since I was 16 years old. 100 % self-supporting. It was a value my generation cherished. I now work with nurses who have to call their mom 10 times a day from work and who are 30 and still living at home. I've found I need to let go of my agenda and let them be the people they need to be.
Still, I am amused when I discuss a complex topic and am told: "hey, I know all about that. I just did a paper on it!".
funny, i thought that might end "...so helpful, willing to teach." sorry, but in my experience at work, the older nurses have been absolutely wonderful!!! they are willing to answer questions, walk me through a new procedure, help me when i feel like i'm sinking.
yay for the experienced nurses who have been in the trenches for years and want to help those of us with less experience!!!
:yelclap:
i work with a wonderful nurse who has been such for over 20 years (i think 25). i already told her that when i finish nursing school, i would love for her to be my preceptor when i start working as a nurse on the floor. she said she would love it (she's still very enthused about nursing), and i know from her i will learn real nursing, not just nursing school nursing.
Please accept my apology, on behalf of this charming person you work with, abundantjoy07.
Life can be very painful. The longer one lives, the more opportunity there is to be hurt by coworkers, bosses, spouses and children, other family, neighbors, the car mechanic, and your tax accountant.
There is a lot of hurt that goes with seeing those we respect and trust fall from grace, such as our clergymen, law enforcers, lawyers, judges, legislators, teachers, and so on. There is disappointment and discouragement when we hear of stolen children, killer children who are throwing away their lives and taking the lives of others, brutalized children or women or elders or invalids, there is just so much in the news - beheadings, kidnappings, war everywhere, it's hot or it's cold, our hormones rage and then, of all things, go away for good, we grow beards, lose head hair, and must get our collagen from a tube.
Pets die, we have financial reverses, children disappoint us, time marches on and our time on earth goes too fast and grows too short, we take stock of our own lives and feel unfulfilled and half-crazed with frustrations and disappointments, then we get sick, resort to diapers, and die.
Life is tough. You can never find a flashlight when you need one, even though you have 12 of them scattered about the house, car, and garage.
We all must try to be patient with ourselves and others, try to read lots of Erma Bombeck, Khalil Gibran, and Joan Rivers, watch "SouthPark" and "The Daily Report", and look at lots of flowers, birds, waterfalls, clouds, mountains, butterflies, and other beautiful, enchanting, relaxing things. Good sex, good music, and good friends are Godsends.
And we can always think about the tragedies other people are going through that are worse even than our own. That is a good reminder that we should try to cheer up. The Bible says to always give thanks and trust God to never desert us, to always be there for us. Maybe someone else has forgotten this and needs a gentle reminder from us to get back on track.
Try hard not to let bitter coworkers cut you down. It's not always easy but try to realize that their ugliness might have absolutely nothing to do with you. Invite them for a cup of coffee after work or take in some bagels or donuts or a veggie tray. Keep a couple of snack bars handy and give one sometime to a coworker who hasn't had a break. :smiletea:Or write a little note to bring laughter and cheer and leave it on the person's med cart. For at least a little while, she will feel better and will be easier to handle.:chuckle
Be strong, be patient, be kind, and accept this hug and word of encouragement. {{{{{you}}}}} :balloons::balloons::loveya::balloons:
Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.
here's what I think:
To the OP: your self esteem does not belong, nor is it contingent upon what another older nurse does or says...SHE DOESN'T CONTROL YOUR BREATHING, AND SHE DOESN'T CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT YOURSELF....therefore, don't even get on that "I-am-trying-to-please-you-treadmill" by bringing her a donut, or patting her on the back.....
that's just placating the bad behaviour....and ultimately giving away your power to someone who seems to be somewhat disconnected from her own behaviour and it's consequences on someone new....
I don't think it's fair to say to a brand new nurse "oh, just grow a thicker skin"....because I have been a new nurse, WE ALL HAVE, and some more seasoned nurses have had a reputation of being quite rude and condescending to newer grads....which in my opinion, is VERY UNPROFESSIONAL and inappropriate....
Nursing is not a competitve sport.....so leave the ego and over-inflated belief about yourself at the door....YOU ARE THERE TO CARE FOR THE PATIENT, PERIOD.
If both new nurses and more seasoned ones remember that one thing, there will be room for BOTH SIDES to grow.....
I would not run to the nurse manager and tattle on these "old hens".....let them cluck in the hen house...and rise above them....
if they become nasty and rude and unwilling to help you with direct patient care, or refuse to answer simple questions, (which some have done and do), remind them that as professionals, they should extend their hands and hearts and knowledge to help facilitate patient care....if they choose to not do that, then they are not professionals....
let them sit on that awhile and mull that over....
people who bully in the work place are asking for a lawsuit these days....employers who ignore bullying are also asking for a lawsuit....it's called harrassment, and if this person truly has been counseled on her behaviour in the past, and continues, her manager is letting a liability to continue....you might post some articles on workplace harrassment and bullying around your work place, ie nurse's lounge, etc....maybe she'll get the hint...
I am sorry you got your feelings hurt....but, don't curl up into a ball....get up....get dressed.....put on your racing shoes, and go to work....take the best care of your patients that you can....and continue to learn as a nurse and patient advocate....we need you....
we ALL need you....us older gals are going to be needing a new younger nurse to care for us one day.....we should do all we can to teach them what we know....
I'm an old nurse. I feel like the one out of 6 who is rude and insensitive does not apply only to old nurses but to "all" nurses. I have worked with young snippy nurses who think they know it all. Since this particular older nurse has been called on this issue before, whatever her age, it seems like shes the one with the problem. Don't let her get you down. You don't owe her anything. Remind her that she does not sign your check.
Dutchgirl - I've worked with some newer nurses who have been rude and 'know-everythings' - I just quit bothering with them - there were enough that wanted to listen.
I've alsoo known some rude older nurses - I just figure it's THEIR problem.
Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.
I have been in nursing for 20 some years....I don't treat new nurses badly....in fact, I embrace their exuberance and willingness to grow and learn....and I am thankful for them....because I realize that what I know and can give to them, will only help me one day, should I become a patient....ahem.
I was a new nurse once, and I was carnivorously fed upon by some....while others watched....and I MADE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THAT DAY TO NEVER DO TO NEW NURSES WHAT HAD BEEN DONE TO ME.... that is how I decided to NOT BURN OUT....
I think people who take full charge of their reality and themselves, may fair a little better with crabby rude co-workers....because they learn early on, that becoming like them is something they never want to be....so they make healthy self-empowered choices and avoid burning out.....crni.
I have been in nursing for 20 some years....I don't treat new nurses badly....in fact, I embrace their exuberance and willingness to grow and learn....and I am thankful for them....because I realize that what I know and can give to them, will only help me one day, should I become a patient....ahem.
I was a new nurse once, and I was carnivorously fed upon by some....while others watched....and I MADE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THAT DAY TO NEVER DO TO NEW NURSES WHAT HAD BEEN DONE TO ME.... that is how I decided to NOT BURN OUT....
I think people who take full charge of their reality and themselves, may fair a little better with crabby rude co-workers....because they learn early on, that becoming like them is something they never want to be....so they make healthy self-empowered choices and avoid burning out.....crni.
You are great. I wish all nurses were like you. I too, make it a point to be good to new nurses. Unfortunately, too many nurses have lost their patience!
I am a new nursing student and I have found that a few seasoned nurses were reluctant to help or even answer if I had a question. Then again, there were others that were kind. It is very intimidating when you are first learning and need guidance. Why is it that people feel better about themselves when they make others feel small?
:balloons:
Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN
721 Posts
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. However, did you approach this person or did you go straight to the NM? If someone tattled on me without giving me the benefit of a face to face explanation first, I'd be pretty mean too.
There are unpleasant people everywhere and you need to develop a thick skin. As a professional, you are expected to resolve interpersonal conflicts yourself without your self-esteem being crushed, or the NM doing the dirty work for you.
I've only been a nurse for three years, but I've been a human being and a professional (nursing is a second career for me) for waaaay longer than that. You really have to try and not take things personally. It's hard to do, but you will be much happier in the end.
Take care,
Blee