Disheartened

[MrPopeye]

I am preparing to enter into my last semester of nursing school. Since I have started, I have had a minimum of one instance where I was left baffled at how in the heck I got involved negatively in a situation. Before you ask yourself, "well, maybe he is doing it to himself..." Keep in mind that everyone in my class agrees with me...they have no idea either. They don't feel that I have done anything in particular wrong. One incident was someone in class passing around rumors that another student and I were having an affair. Not true. I love my wife more than I ever thought I could. I could never do that to her. After that incident, it has been one thing after another that has had me in trouble with the staff. Again, classmates also feel that I am just misunderstood. More so, I am doing nothing wrong. I have asked several of them for advice on what to do. They never have advice because they wouldn't have done anything differently.

This has led me to become a recluse. I rarely speak in class any more, never hang out with my friends, eat alone, etc., all for fear that I will get in trouble again. Is that a childish thing to do? Yes, in a way. But if I don't seem to be doing anything wrong, how do I keep getting misunderstood? I know the answer is to speak with the staff. But I truly do not believe that it would work. Please don't get me wrong on this matter, either... I respect my staff and have no ill feelings towards them. They are all great nurses and I hope to be as good as they are one day.

I came into this field because of an experience I had. (If you like, look up a started post of mine about my dad.) I have done nothing but try my hardest to help this program. I have gotten classmates together to get flowers for other classmates and instructors who lost family members, and even helped get Kaplan instituted at my school, which has helped us a TON. I have been nice, courteous, and respectful to everyone. What does all of this mean? It means that my heart is in the right place. I am a big ex-military guy that is covered in tattoos. I look nothing like most male nurses, or most nurses in general. But even though my facade looks different, I could not even picture my life in anything BUT nursing. I don't say this to be cliche'ish, but I was meant to do this.

To the point of my thread...I could use some encouragement from anyone and everyone. Even though this could not even make the tiniest chip in my desire and drive to become a nurse, it is disheartening to feel so trapped. I mean well in everything I do. Like anyone, I want to be accepted, loved, and respected amongst my peers. But to be utterly confused at all times on if what I am saying or doing is right or will be misunderstood, it takes the enjoyment of making this a once-in-a-lifetime experience. If I am doing something wrong, I want to fix/correct it so I stop getting misunderstood. What do I do?

[malenurse69, MSN, NP]

Honestly dude grow a thicker skin. If you and your wife have a good marriage they might just be jealous. Letting people get to you automatically makes them win. Just smile, nod, stay professional and stop giving a flying $hit about what people think, in the end they will end up making themselves look like idiots, guaranteed.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

You, I am sure, have paid to attend a college to become a nurse. You, I am sure, have also worked very hard academically. Your classmates are just that--classmates. They are not your bread and butter, they are not your "pals" they are not anything other than people you share classroom time with. Yes, you do need to be able to do classwork with them when indicated, otherwise, your life outside of the classroom is your own.

I would start now, and I think that perhaps you have already, start to distance yourself in the emotional investment that you have put into this group. Soon, you will all go your seperate ways, and do not for a moment invest anymore emotional energy.

I may come off as sounding harsh. That is not my intent. However, besides your studying (and there is a great deal of that) develop your life outside of your school mates.

Petty people are everywhere, including where you will eventually work. Being friendly and appopriate is far different than making friends and investing emotional energy in friendships sprung from a time sensitive, intense, but never the less limited interaction.

Bottom line--you are far too mature to get caught up in something--anything--that takes your focus off of your schoolwork. You do not need to be "buds" with anyone other than your wife and your friends outside of the classroom. Who cares if they "misunderstand" you, and stop asking them for advice. Until they pay your tuition bill, then they can do whatever....

Most people who want to become nurses have a natural compassion and eagerness to get all involved in people. Sometimes getting all involved means that one is less than compassionate, however, we can tend to analyze and over analyze, especially when new to this. Begin now to focus on the time, energy, and funds you have put forth to get to your goal, and put behind you the time, energy, and emotional funds that you have put into making friends.

With all this being said, and not medical advice per TOS, if this situation is becoming overwhelming for you, then do seek outside help to assist you in putting it all in perspective. And you can go to your school guidance counselor and see what options for your final semester you have in getting into an alternate classroom enviroment with a different group of classmates.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

I say ignore them they you all will move on after graduation. I am curious however....what do you mean by "the Staff" and "my staff" if you are a student are you their supervisor?

I know the answer is to speak with the staff. But I truly do not believe that it would work. Please don't get me wrong on this matter, either... I respect my staff and have no ill feelings towards them.

[Rn 1979]

I say totally ignore them.. everyone in my class ignore me and I really don't care, what I care for is to graduate and be a good nurse and advance more, I am the only guy in my program and I study alone and eat alone all the time,,, my teachers love me and most students respect me, but I can't have a social life with my peers and teachers since I have to work full time and go to my nursing classes full time too because I have wife and kids to support.. beside that my GPA is 4 and also I just moved to this country 4 years ago,, just think about your future and what a difference you can make to help people,, if i am in your place I would totally ignore it.

[MrPopeye]

I appreciate the advice ya'll. I have pretty much done what ya'll have suggested. I ignore it all now. I have been an ******* all my life. A part of this journey for me has been trying to be a better person. I have tried to be a friendlier person. I guess I have to revert back to being a bit more of an ******* again. Lol

By "my staff," I mean my instructors.

[CodeteamB]

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens a lot in nursing school from my experience/ friend's stories. I happened to be the girl that was gossiped about with two different men, maybe since there were so few, and I tend to make friends with men easily.

The first time it happened the guy took it kind of like you, tried to change his personality and "keep a low profile." Oh, and was a complete jerk to me, to prove that there was nothing going on, I guess. It was pretty ugly, and the kind of drama no one really needs while they are trying to get through a challenging program.

The second time my good friend and I ignored it, laughed it off and kept on the way we always had. We are friends to this day and there was exactly zero drama involved.

You have to ignore this kind of thing, school is stressful enough without bringing in a bunch of grade-school shenanigans. Be yourself, enjoy the company of your friends and ignore the haters.

On the bright side, I have not experienced this kind of gossip in my professional career :)

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I have had a *bit* of experience with similar situations in the past... re: friction in male-female staff interactions. So here is my 2 cents.

A lot of guys, especially those of you who are uber-masculine tend to function in a KISA (knight in shining armor) modality whereby they want to fix everything and help everyone. This can be easily misinterpreted as personal interest. So make sure you are maintaining good boundaries & not sending out mixed signals that may be misinterpreted. Resist offering assistance or help to anyone. Avoid any personal topics with female classmates. This includes discussions about leisure time activities, family members (especially your wife), etc. Stick to only school-related subjects.

This goes both ways. If someone starts to talk to you about how awful their hubby is, organizing an after-class activity, she reeeeallllly needs help with ____, or how their kids are acting up..... call her on it by telling her you are not comfortable and do not want to talk about it. Redirect any requests for assistance. Rather than avoid social activities, make sure you attend with your wife & bring the kids if that's appropriate.

Don't feel bad - my daughter is an IT engineer... works in a 95% male environment. She deals with the same thing on a daily basis. School is not the real world. It will be over soon.

[fetch, BSN, RN]

Before you ask yourself, "well, maybe he is doing it to himself..." Keep in mind that everyone in my class agrees with me...they have no idea either. They don't feel that I have done anything in particular wrong.

That in particular stood out to me, because I can tell you frankly that there were several instances in nursing school where I saw drama occurring, but when the person involved asked my opinion/what they should do differently, I said something very similar. "Gosh, I don't know, I'm sorry that's going on! That sucks!" etc.

The reason being, I don't want to get pulled in to the drama. And giving advice "well maybe next time do xyz" can get you pulled in to drama so fast your head will spin.

Your classmates might be thinking something very different than what they're telling you, but they are protecting themselves. Stop using them as justification for your actions, whatever those actions may be, and just you do you and don't worry what they think. It's your last semester, the light is visible and it isn't a train! You can do it! Just keep your head down and power through.

Oh wait, another thing stuck out:

Like anyone, I want to be accepted, loved, and respected amongst my peers.

Emphasis mine. That seems like a weird word choice to me -- accepted and respected, of course. Loved? No, that's for family and true friends. Classmates are just classmates, and to be honest, unless you grew especially close or become co-workers afterwards, they will likely just become Facebook friends once you graduate. And after a year or so, it is totally acceptable to remove them from even that.

[Caroling]

I learn all the time and one thing I learned over the years is "not everyone is going to like me". How I react to what ever is going on is what matters. You will come across this situation over and over again in your life and now is a good time to think and behave differently. Its not about you it's about them and their issues.... learn to not react to people and their issues/ behavior. Once you got that down its smooth sailing!

[systoly]

the following has worked for me

there's nothing wrong with being nice and helpful

but, ...

if a female is flirtacious, don't give her the time of day

whenever a conversation starts involving sex, underwear

or anything like this (and believe me, it will)

walk away and let everyone know why you're walking (in a nice way)

you can say things like, " at this point I'll be leaving this conversation "

or simply, "it's time for me to leave this conversation"

when it comes to touch, i'm ok with someone briefly touching my

arm, but that is all and i don't ever touch

if the touch is inappropriate, such as a PT feeling up

your upper arms under the pretense of whatever

simply say, "i'm sorry, but that is really uncomfortable"

if the other party apologizes you're good if they make up

justifications, walk away

if you're ever in doubt, just ask yourself how you're

wife would feel about it

not doing anything wrong isn't good enough

you have to take active steps to avoid this crapp

it's a learning experience

you'll get good at it

[unojoservir]

Ive been a nurse for 5 years. I'm a "male" nurse, i'm a traveler and have been in CCU, ER and flight (all more male areas of nursing). Prior to becoming a nurse I ran fire and rescue, was a phlebotomist, and worked in a drs office. Like you, I had a personal experience that drove me into medicine. Like you, I had a very difficult time in nursing school because I was misunderstood. I will tell you from my experience what I wish I would have done. Walk away. I took a year off because it was so disheartening. I should have never come back. What I experienced in nursing school; the A type personality psycho-******* as I call them are still there, they come after you in your documentation, your patient care, your life with your wife. I thought I minded my own business in school and in traveling. But let me tell you this, I cannot encourage you to stay. I make a lot of money, I have a great schedule, I vacation 60% more than I work and I clear 85K. When you **** off the wrong manager she will come after you. You will sit baffled in front of her, because it will be a "her", speechless you will have no idea what just happened or what she is talking about and you loose. You can't save you. My advice, get out of nursing and use your BS degree somewhere else. You sound wise and grounded. Think outside the box. I graduated top of my class, alumni president, instituted an ambassador program, gave multiple presentations. I also did everything I could to better myself, my school and the profession...to no avail. Just graduate quietly and move on.