My article is about how much I want to be an RN. However, now because I am married with a little one, I don't know if I can go to nursing school. My husband is the only one working but his job in the oil field has cut back hours & we don't have the funds or family support for me to go back to school. I also touch on how it has been living & working with epilepsy.
I can't pin point what exactly drew me to nursing. I never had a moment where I said "This is it!". It was more my parents telling me nursing is a good, stable career. So I went along with what they said. I first went to school at a 4 year university, I didn't do well there & eventually moved to a different city.
Before I moved I wasn't sure if nursing was for me. So I looked up different majors at the 4 year university & community college in that town. Eventually I settled on going to the community college & becoming an LVN. I took the TEAS test, got into the program in 2008 & a year later in 2009 I was an LVN.
After the program I went straight to finish my pre-reqs, I wanted to be the first in my class to get my RN. I was so determined to become an RN. But then after I passed my NCLEX in 2010 I started working & just put off nursing school. I figured I would go to school in a year or two, that school would always be there. I was single, what would happen?
Well when I started applying in 2012 it wasn't as easy as I thought to get in. I applied but didn't get in on my first round of applications. I was upset but I was determined. So I kept applying.
Then I met my husband & in 2014 I got pregnant. It was very unexpected but exciting. Of course in the last trimester & last month of my pregnancy I was admitted to a great nursing program. I accepted it but then had to turn it down. I didn't want to but my health wasn't great during my pregnancy & was put on bed rest in the end of my pregnancy. Now my son is 1 year old & I see all these posts about people taking pre-reqs or getting accepted into nursing school. I wish I could do it. But because of my situation I have realized that becoming an RN will only be a dream.
My husband works in the oil field, his hours have been cut drastically & he is gone for 2 weeks & home for 1 week. I have no back up babysitter for my son. Any other family lives an hour away & they all work. We live with my mom but she works & is insanely busy even when she doesn't work. We can't afford a baby sitter or daycare. He went from making $3-4,000 to $1,000 a month. My husband loves what he does, he doesn't do it to be away from us. He misses us every day. He works in very dangerous conditions; in the heat, rain, hail. You name it he is working in it.
I think it also hurts because I have two ex-friends who I don't believe deserve to be RNs, now RNs. It hurts when people you know don't deserve something get something you want so bad. Plus three out of four of my sciences are already expired. I don't have the motivation to retake them. I just want to be in nursing school or have my RN.
I have to add, I was diagnosed with epilepsy as a freshman in high school. I had always tried to fit in and be "normal" despite that. I can't count how many times I ended up in the ER because I drank myself to a seizure when I was in college. Well fast forward to me working as an LVN. I'm working at a county jail PRN, every shift, any shift; 8 hour & 12 hour shifts. This particular night I was working 12 hour shifts & I was suppose to stay over 4 hours in the morning. I feel something is just "off". As an epileptic when you feel something is off, you know something is going to happen. You don't know when or where, but it will happen. So I called my boss & told him I wouldn't be able to work the extra 4 hours in the morning. He begged me, he pleaded with me. I told him I would see how I felt. Well a few hours later I was with my coworker in the nurses station after we passed our meds, the next thing I knew I woke up in the back of an ambulance. So it makes things really difficult looking for jobs knowing I can't apply for certain jobs because I can't work at night.
I want to support my family but I also don't want to leave my son. I want to watch him grow up. It's a very tough decision. Especially when my husband is home only one week a month. It's hard decision to make, going back to school or work. I love my family. I'm not embarrassed living with my mother, I love her & she helps out immensely. I don't know what I would do without her. I do have a great support system but just not the kind I can go to school with right now. I hope one day I can go back to school when my son is older, possibly in school. If not, then maybe I can go back to work. Whatever happens I want to put my family first.
Here's a thought: what if we DIDN'T attack people on the Internet. Seriously people, this is a nursing forum. We have a nurse lamenting the fact she has to put her life on hold right now. You are not psychologists, so stop trying to figure out why her husband has a particular job and if he's really trying to get away from his family. Just stop it.
Oh, please. I'm not attacking OP. I'm offering a different perspective. Not every opinion is going to blow cookies and cream up your booty, nor should it. A grown woman/mother/wife at age 26 is (prematurely)lamenting the "death" of her career choice, coming up with a million excuses why she can't instead of figuring out how she can. That's sad.
She needed a dose of reality, or at the very least to read a different point of view. If the harshest thing she (or you)has ever read is my opinion, live a little longer.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
My apologies, but that's my 2 cents. The longer the thread goes, the sicklier you get. Can you raise another child with your poor health? That's something to consider.
I'm from the South, as well(Virginia) and I don't know any married families living with their parents, though I know that it happens.
My husband would be lucky to get sex at all, much less another child if he had me living at my mom's while he was off god knows where, making very little money. We all have different tolerance levels, so you know what you can accept.
Virginia & Texas are two very different southern areas. I know a bunch of people who live at home in an extended family household. It's very common in the Hispanic culture.
We obviously have two different ways of thinking. But tearing apart my family is not giving me a new perspective. It's being rude. I did feel like my school career was over. Sorry you have never felt that way, I didn't know your life was so perfect. But I don't want my family to be picked apart, you're not giving me insight you are being rude.
I'm not like everyone else, I need help. I know this & I have to deal with it. That's why I can't move away. I have had to watch what I do, since I was in high school. It's been super difficult. Then my pregnancy was rough. My mom picked up the night shift with him & I wasn't able to breast feed. I've missed out on so much of being normal. And now you go and attack me for no good reason.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Yes I have epilepsy & it hasn't been easy but so far I've been able to raise my son just fine. I might not have been able to have a normal pregnancy & put on bed rest a lot (which is why I second guess getting a job). But so far everything has been pretty well controlled.
I see you are a nursing student. If you took A&P & have studied the brain/seizures at all you know a big trigger can be lack of sleep. I know no shift is "just" 12 hours, it's always longer. I need my sleep. I can't function on 5 or 6 hours of sleep. My body doesn't work that way. If I get out of work really late & then have work the next day really early, I am at risk of having a seizure. Is it worth it now? Is any job worth that now? You will never & have never had to ask that. I do. I have to look at job postings & can't apply because I have to worry about my health. So yes, I'm "sickly" but it's a disability. I worry every day that I passed it on to my son.
I'm all for new perspectives but you are not providing me with any new perspective other than you disagree with everything I'm doing in my life. Well guess what, it's not your life! On top of that you completely picked apart my husband, basically said he's a horrible person, hates me & his life. Not only is that NOT true, how is that giving me any help?!
Just because you hate your mother doesn't mean everyone else does. Just because you would withhold sex from your husband if you had to move into his or your parents' house doesn't mean *I* would.
All of your posts have done nothing but tear me & my family down. You've been a bully & incredibly rude. I don't know how you've think you've helped me in the least bit.
Yes I have epilepsy & it hasn't been easy but so far I've been able to raise my son just fine. I might not have been able to have a normal pregnancy & put on bed rest a lot (which is why I second guess getting a job). But so far everything has been pretty well controlled.
I see you are a nursing student. If you took A&P & have studied the brain/seizures at all you know a big trigger can be lack of sleep. I know no shift is "just" 12 hours, it's always longer. I need my sleep. I can't function on 5 or 6 hours of sleep. My body doesn't work that way. If I get out of work really late & then have work the next day really early, I am at risk of having a seizure. Is it worth it now? Is any job worth that now? You will never & have never had to ask that. I do. I have to look at job postings & can't apply because I have to worry about my health. So yes, I'm "sickly" but it's a disability. I worry every day that I passed it on to my son.
I'm all for new perspectives but you are not providing me with any new perspective other than you disagree with everything I'm doing in my life. Well guess what, it's not your life! On top of that you completely picked apart my husband, basically said he's a horrible person, hates me & his life. Not only is that NOT true, how is that giving me any help?!
Just because you hate your mother doesn't mean everyone else does. Just because you would withhold sex from your husband if you had to move into his or your parents' house doesn't mean *I* would.
All of your posts have done nothing but tear me & my family down. You've been a bully & incredibly rude. I don't know how you've think you've helped me in the least bit.
It's not that I "hate" my mom per se, I just happen to cherish boundaries, privacy and being able to be intimate with my husband whenever and wherever the mood arises in our home.
Most people that accomplish anything in life have to overcome obstacles whether it be health, poverty, loss of loved ones, whatever. Few people make it through life struggle free. You didn't mention any health concerns in your first post -or perhaps I overlooked it? Nonetheless, if you have a dream, hopefully you can put those critical thinking skills to good use and make it happen some day.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
It's not that I "hate" my mom per se, I just happen to cherish boundaries, privacy and being able to be intimate with my husband whenever and wherever the mood arises in our home.
Most people that accomplish anything in life have to overcome obstacles whether it be health, poverty, loss of loved ones, whatever. Few people make it through life struggle free. You didn't mention any health concerns in your first post -or perhaps I overlooked it? Nonetheless, if you have a dream, hopefully you can put those critical thinking skills to good use and make it happen some day.
Well this is where I'm at in my life, I'm not embarrassed. That's what parents are for. If my son needed help when he's older, I'd be there for him.
I didn't mention any health concerns in my first post because I didn't think I needed to. But yes, I general end up in the ER/hospital many times a year.
I hope my husband's job picks up or I can eventually get a job so we can eventually get our own home. We don't want to stay with my mother forever but she has really helped us.
As far as being intimate, my husband is only home 1 week a month. So we can't just do it whenever the mood strikes.
It's not that I "hate" my mom per se, I just happen to cherish boundaries, privacy and being able to be intimate with my husband whenever and wherever the mood arises
Well, that's great for You. The OP has expressed times over that living with her mom is not a problem. She has explained it is not seen as a negative thing in Her culture. You are being incredibly paternalistic in your advice giving. People are different and lives are different.
OP: I see no problem with how you've made sure to have support around you while your husband is away working. Power to you for wanting to raise your kids! That is just as important as "leaving home" is to other cultures. I completely support your choice to put your child and health first at this time. You are young and once your kid(s) are school age, you can return to school. I did that and my children are awesome. I do believe my parenting philosophy had a lot to do with the incredible relationship we have as a family.
Good luck on everything!
Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Well, that's great for You. The OP has expressed times over that living with her mom is not a problem. She has explained it is not seen as a negative thing in Her culture. You are being incredibly paternalistic in your advice giving. People are different and lives are different.
OP: I see no problem with how you've made sure to have support around you while your husband is away working. Power to you for wanting to raise your kids! That is just as important as "leaving home" is to other cultures. I completely support your choice to put your child and health first at this time. You are young and once your kid(s) are school age, you can return to school. I did that and my children are awesome. I do believe my parenting philosophy had a lot to do with the incredible relationship we have as a family.
Good luck on everything!
Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck
Thank you. My son really does mean a lot to me. When I was really young, both my parents worked a lot, made over 6 figures. But when I told my mom I wanted to spend more time with her she decided then & there to give up her career to be able to spend more time with us. My memories have always been of her & my brother doing things together. Family is always more important than any job. I don't want my son to get older & wish we spent more time together. That would break my heart. I can always go back to work or school but I can't go back & spend more time with my son.
Well, that's great for You. The OP has expressed times over that living with her mom is not a problem. She has explained it is not seen as a negative thing in Her culture. You are being incredibly paternalistic in your advice giving. People are different and lives are different.
OP: I see no problem with how you've made sure to have support around you while your husband is away working. Power to you for wanting to raise your kids! That is just as important as "leaving home" is to other cultures. I completely support your choice to put your child and health first at this time. You are young and once your kid(s) are school age, you can return to school. I did that and my children are awesome. I do believe my parenting philosophy had a lot to do with the incredible relationship we have as a family.
Good luck on everything!
Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck
Seriously? OP gets kudos for wanting to raise her kids? How patronizing.
Anywhooo...if that was OP's stance from the start, why create a post in the first place? Why apply to jobs an hour away if you already KNOW that you can't/won't take the job? Did you just remember your health problems or that you want to stay home? Stop back-peddaling and stop looking for internet strangers to validate your choices.
Staying at home with our kids is very important the first few years and if that's what OP wants to do my main question was and still is: Why isn't her husband stepping up to the plate to make that happen? At any job/profession, you have to know when to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures and it seems that OP hasn't sat her husband down and had that discussion.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Because those are the only jobs? I said I would move my family hours away. Relocate my family. If I have to drive many hours & it affects my health then obviously I shouldn't take the job. I've had to drive an hour, one way for many jobs before. There just aren't that many jobs in this town.
I'm not about to state where I live. I know I'm the only person from my area on this site, if I stated oh I live in xxxx it would be pretty obvious to figure out who I am.
No I don't want internet strangers to validate my points. I am open to other view points, but not people tearing apart my family. My husband IS stepping up to the plate. Maybe YOU should do some research into the oil field & see what it like. It's not the same every day. It's very fluid. One day he could not work but the next he could be working all day, straight into the next. Go educate yourself. You sound incredible ignorant.
I use to never want to have kids, but now that I have my son he is the most important person in the world to me. Part of me doesn't want some stranger to raise him & I really want a second child. The same applies to the second child, I don't want someone else to raise him/her.
OP, you had my sympathy until this post. I don't think you realize how insulting this comes off to working mothers, implying that they don't raise their own children. My mother was worked outside the home, and I was placed in daycare. The daycare workers, as awesome as they were, did not raise me. My mother did. I don't remember the times I spent in daycare (only vaguely), but I do remember my mother coming to pick me up, the quality time we spent together, and how hard she worked to provide for her kids. We are very close, and to say that daycare raised her kids is so backhanded.
Anyway, I might be confusing you with another poster, so pardon me if I am wrong, but I could have sworn that you referred to your husband as your ex-husband and that you were getting a divorce at one point? If that is correct, I would strongly encourage you to seek employment. If not, forgive me.
From the sounds of your posts, it seems as though you have made up your mind regarding staying at home and not pursuing schooling at this time. And that's okay. But realize that there are millions of parents (many of them single) who find a way to work, go to school and raise their kids.
I do not know all of your circumstances, but if I were in a similar situation, I would talk with the husband regarding switching jobs. As much as he may love his current job, it doesn't sound stable nor feasible. He could be working full-time at a minimum wage job that does not require him to be away weeks at a time making more money than what he has now. I would see if he could get a different job closer to home with set hours so that you could find an LPN job to schedule around his shifts. That would cut daycare costs and allow you to keep up your skills.
Seriously? OP gets kudos for wanting to raise her kids? How patronizing.
Anywhooo...if that was OP's stance from the start, why create a post in the first place? Why apply to jobs an hour away if you already KNOW that you can't/won't take the job? Did you just remember your health problems or that you want to stay home? Stop back-peddaling and stop looking for internet strangers to validate your choices.
Staying at home with our kids is very important the first few years and if that's what OP wants to do my main question was and still is: Why isn't her husband stepping up to the plate to make that happen? At any job/profession, you have to know when to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures and it seems that OP hasn't sat her husband down and had that discussion.
Pardon me for pointing out the obvious.
Can I ask why this is so important to you? You have stated your opinion over and over again. Is the OP's life really so upsetting to you that you cannot resist typing an argumentative reply to every single post? You will not agree with every posters' choices on this forum. Let it be.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
OP, you had my sympathy until this post. I don't think you realize how insulting this comes off to working mothers, implying that they don't raise their own children. My mother was worked outside the home, and I was placed in daycare. The daycare workers, as awesome as they were, did not raise me. My mother did. I don't remember the times I spent in daycare (only vaguely), but I do remember my mother coming to pick me up, the quality time we spent together, and how hard she worked to provide for her kids. We are very close, and to say that daycare raised her kids is so backhanded.
Anyway, I might be confusing you with another poster, so pardon me if I am wrong, but I could have sworn that you referred to your husband as your ex-husband and that you were getting a divorce at one point? If that is correct, I would strongly encourage you to seek employment. If not, forgive me.
From the sounds of your posts, it seems as though you have made up your mind regarding staying at home and not pursuing schooling at this time. And that's okay. But realize that there are millions of parents (many of them single) who find a way to work, go to school and raise their kids.
I do not know all of your circumstances, but if I were in a similar situation, I would talk with the husband regarding switching jobs. As much as he may love his current job, it doesn't sound stable nor feasible. He could be working full-time at a minimum wage job that does not require him to be away weeks at a time making more money than what he has now. I would see if he could get a different job closer to home with set hours so that you could find an LPN job to schedule around his shifts. That would cut daycare costs and allow you to keep up your skills.
Best wishes!
No we did not get divorced, we reconciled.
I guess I feel guilty because my husband is gone for so long & I don't want to be gone too. I don't want my son to feel like his parents are absent from his life. No one really understands. I WANT to work, I don't want to lose my skills. I WANT to go back to school. But my husband is only home ONE WEEK A MONTH! I don't want to be working 12 hours a day too. As a new parent this a very difficult decision to make.
I'm not slamming working mothers. I'm saying for me, it's a tough choice to go back to work/school and personally for me, I would feel like daycare workers & family would raise my child since my husband is gone for so long then I would be working 12 hour shifts. That my personal feeling. My parents worked & I guess because I told my mom I wanted to spend more time with her (I don't remember this, she told me the story) I'm afraid of my son doing the same thing.
I honestly, never meant to slam working or single parents. I am, in some ways a single parent. I just want to do what *I* think is best for my son. I don't want to regret anything.
lovinglife2015
292 Posts
Oh, please. I'm not attacking OP. I'm offering a different perspective. Not every opinion is going to blow cookies and cream up your booty, nor should it. A grown woman/mother/wife at age 26 is (prematurely)lamenting the "death" of her career choice, coming up with a million excuses why she can't instead of figuring out how she can. That's sad.
She needed a dose of reality, or at the very least to read a different point of view. If the harshest thing she (or you)has ever read is my opinion, live a little longer.