Dealing with moody people

[pie123]

I am a new grad who has been orienting with a nurse who is quite moody. She gets upset with her co-workers, but doesn't say anything to them. Instead, she reacts by either being bossy with me, or by not talking at all, but by her mannerisms, it's easy to tell that she's upset. Her co-workers have given her a not-so-nice nickname, because of how she acts sometimes. One night while in one of her 'moods', I was looking through a chart, then I said to her, "I'm not quite sure where to find..." Her response was, "I'm not sure what you're looking for either, hon" and she just took the chart from me. Another night, after I was finished checking my MARs, I accidentally handed one to her that she had already checked, and she mumbled, "I already checked that one", and tossed it back to me. That night, I think she was irritated b/c another co-worker told her that she needed to stop sitting around at the desk. Also, she seemed irritated when she was asked to cover the desk for another charge nurse, so the charge nurse could go home. I heard her mentioning something about being taken advantage of. That night, I was so angry at the way in which she was speaking to me, that another nurse who witnessed things asked to speak to me in private. This nurse told me basically to bite my tongue, and that she was oriented by my preceptor, and basically got the same treatment. She said my preceptor wants to be right all the time (which I have noticed), and feels like she has to prove herself to her other co-workers (which I have also noticed), and that she is a grudge-holder. She told me that while I am still orienting, not to say anything, but once I am on my own, then I can start voicing how I feel. I didn't say anything, but initially my plan was to speak with my preceptor in the break room regarding how she acts with me, when she is upset with others. I am transferring shifts (not b/c of her), so I will not be working with her anymore, but if I encounter her behavior while I am orienting on the other shift, I would like to nip it in the bud. There are other things that I have dealt with while orienting with her, but they are too few to name, and this post is long enough as it is :-)What are your thoughts? Let behavior like hers go, or address it?

[ERNurse752, RN]

I would address it, if it were me. Why should you just sit passively by and take it? Maybe she doesn't even realize how bad her behavior really is if no one has ever talked to her about it. Even if she does hold a grudge against you for talking to her about it, sounds like you won't have to deal with her anyway.

I'd even take it one step further, and if things didn't improve after talking to her, I would request a new preceptor.

As a new grad, the quality of your preceptor is more important than I can even say.

[sjrn85]

I agree with speaking to her privately, but don't let yourself get sucked into talking with others about her moodiness. Maybe part of her mood is exacerbated by knowing her colleagues are talking about her behind her back. (Not that that would make it right, but it's a good idea not to get caught in that trap.)

[pie123]

I would address it, if it were me. Why should you just sit passively by and take it? Maybe she doesn't even realize how bad her behavior really is if no one has ever talked to her about it. Even if she does hold a grudge against you for talking to her about it, sounds like you won't have to deal with her anyway.

I'd even take it one step further, and if things didn't improve after talking to her, I would request a new preceptor.

As a new grad, the quality of your preceptor is more important than I can even say.

Thanks, I was thinking the same thing...to address it. She knows about her nickname, she also told me herself. I am no longer working with her, as I will be starting a new shift next week. Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

From experience I think I might want a witness to a discussion with her. She's already run you off her shift. It's possible she could have run you off for good.

Do you want future new nurses to be subject to this behaviour? I think I would have the CNS or the NM apprised of the situation and possibly be the witness. I definitely would request a different preceptor.

[ctunurse]

Hey,

I could have wrote your post. I remember when I was in orientation, I've been a nurse for about 11 months, and I had to deal with strong personality types. It use to bother me so much and I couldn't understand why people had to be that way. I guess it bothered me a lot more than others because I strive to be respectful and understanding of people and it seems like that personality type is opposite of mine. The only way I was able to deal with it was to say that no matter where I go I am going to have to deal with different personality types. I learned who I could turn to for support and to the others, I just keep it professional and that has worked for me.

[pie123]

From experience I think I might want a witness to a discussion with her. She's already run you off her shift. It's possible she could have run you off for good.

Do you want future new nurses to be subject to this behaviour? I think I would have the CNS or the NM apprised of the situation and possibly be the witness. I definitely would request a different preceptor.

I am not leaving the shift b/c of her, I am leaving b/c I am just not a nightshift person. She actually was telling me that I should stay, although I think her reasons were not in my best interest. There were various things that she was excused from having to do because she had an orientee. However, if I chose to stay, I would have addressed her, and requested a different preceptor.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

I disagree with confronting this person. Why start trouble? Because that is what you have been warned would happen. As a new employee it will not look good for you either if trouble ensues from a confrontation. Try to find some appreciation within yourself for her time and knowledge in orienting you although it may not be of the greatest quality. Maybe it's hard to see it, but she is giving of herself to help you. It's hard to win over a curmudgeon. She's hurting herself more than anyone else in the long run and losing out on friendships she could be having with other employees that would make her work more enjoyable. Some people just enjoy wallowing in negativity and she sounds like one of them. I would make it a point to thank her for orienting you in front of the whole crowd of your co-workers on your last day working with her. I think it will make her day. I doubt she hears many positive comments from others.

[GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN]

I would prefer someone tell me if they think I am moody or whatever. Maybe she is burnt out and needs someone to talk to who cares. I would also prefer someone talk to me about it before going over my head to the big boss about it. (If I were this nurse)

[HappyJaxRN]

There comes a point when enough is enough. It's already stressful for you and when the person who is supposed to be training you has bad bevavior, it makes everything worse. Had you not been changing shifts, I would suggest getting a new preceptor. Thank goodness you won't be with her anymore. Just put up with it until you're gone. If you're really bothered by it, meaning, you can't focus on your patients, then talk to her in private about whatever is bothering you.

There's no excuse to have to put up abuse.

Good luck.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

I think the OP titled this thread correctly--dealing with moody people. It really doesn't sound like this preceptor was all that mean. I read through it carefully again. She says she was bossy, mumbles, tosses stuff around (for effect?), and irritated. That doesn't sound abusive to me. It's trying on you when this kind of behavior is going on all shift long because it is very negative in attitude and this tends to make others around them feel bummed out as well, but the OP doesn't mention that this preceptor was accusing her or yelling at her or correcting her in front of everyone else. She sounds to me to be pure and simply a curmudgeon who is cross and cantankerous and is probably embarrssing to be around. Mostly people would just like her to go away. But, she is doing her job, is she not? These kind of people are their own worse enemies. There are times when you just have to tolerate others because we have no authority to make them change their behavior. You could try with this particular lady, but I doubt it will do any good--this is a life long behavior and is most likely permitted because she isn't directly attacking anyone and she is doing her job. Sometimes we just have to develop a thick skin when dealing with people. Moodiness is not the same as being abusive.

I have a sister who acts very much the way this perceptor does. She's not a mean person, she is just very, very negative. And, if I tell her that she is talking in a nasty, snotty tone she is shocked and her comeback is almost always, "no, I'm not" in the same nasty tone. What can you do about that? I can't correct that, I just tolerate it and realize that this is her way and that in her world she is not being mean. She's been at her same job for 15 years and I sometimes wonder what people think of her at work because I'm sure she has a snotty tone, mumbles, and tosses things around to demonstrate her irritation. But, then again, she's always irritated!

[pie123]

I think the OP titled this thread correctly--dealing with moody people. It really doesn't sound like this preceptor was all that mean. I read through it carefully again. She says she was bossy, mumbles, tosses stuff around (for effect?), and irritated. That doesn't sound abusive to me. It's trying on you when this kind of behavior is going on all shift long because it is very negative in attitude and this tends to make others around them feel bummed out as well, but the OP doesn't mention that this preceptor was accusing her or yelling at her or correcting her in front of everyone else. She sounds to me to be pure and simply a curmudgeon who is cross and cantankerous and is probably embarrssing to be around. Mostly people would just like her to go away. But, she is doing her job, is she not? These kind of people are their own worse enemies. There are times when you just have to tolerate others because we have no authority to make them change their behavior. You could try with this particular lady, but I doubt it will do any good--this is a life long behavior and is most likely permitted because she isn't directly attacking anyone and she is doing her job. Sometimes we just have to develop a thick skin when dealing with people. Moodiness is not the same as being abusive.

I have a sister who acts very much the way this perceptor does. She's not a mean person, she is just very, very negative. And, if I tell her that she is talking in a nasty, snotty tone she is shocked and her comeback is almost always, "no, I'm not" in the same nasty tone. What can you do about that? I can't correct that, I just tolerate it and realize that this is her way and that in her world she is not being mean. She's been at her same job for 15 years and I sometimes wonder what people think of her at work because I'm sure she has a snotty tone, mumbles, and tosses things around to demonstrate her irritation. But, then again, she's always irritated![/quote

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