Crying with/in front of patients?

[t3mama]

Is it ever appropriate to cry in front of, or with patients? Not because of your own drama (yikes), but if something tragic has happened to them or the patient (if the patient was their child).

I ask because my career plan/goal is to be in the NICU or possibly labor/delivery nursing, but baby/infant loss is so close to my heart that I don't know if I could not feel so deeply for the patient in such a tragic situation. If I were the patient and had lost my baby due to fetal demise, or complications after birth, and my nurse cried in front of me for me, I really wouldn't mind at all, and I think it would actually be some sort of comfort to me.

Often, just reading about tragic stories regarding baby/infant loss makes me tear up. I can't say if it will happen when I am actually a nurse-maybe adrenaline will prevent me from getting emotional or something, but I would think it might happen. Is this inappropriate? Any experienced labor/NICU nurses have insight on this?

[nancynance]

I think it is ok to cry as long as it doesn't put the attention on you and take it away from the patient. Does that make sense?

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

I have cried many time alongside my patients who are dealing with difficult situations. Most of the time our job is a happy one and the tears are r/t joy, but when they are sad tears it is ok to cry with your patients. Most recently I was the baby care nurse at the delivery of a baby with prenatally diagnosed trisomy 18. We had a NICU NNP there just to confirm the diagnosis and after that baby was comfort care only. The family wanted me to bathe him while he was still alive, and you can bet a few tears spilled out while I was bathing him and handing him back to his daddy.

As the PP said, as long as you don't end up making it about you, you'll be alright. You will learn how to cry with a family without falling to pieces, I promise. The day patients stop affecting you is the day you need to hang up your steth and find a new calling.

[BrandNewBabyNurse]

I haven't been a NICU nurse very long, but I did my first bereavement a couple weeks ago. Was a baby that I had cared for several times, but she was not actually my patient that day. I did the bereavement process with her nurse that day though, because I wanted to get to experience the process, and because I had a special place in my heart for that little girl. She was born at 22w2d, and had suffered so much in the two weeks that she was alive, that I wanted the chance to take care of her one more time. I did get a bit teary when dressing her in a little white gown, but it was challenging because the parents spoke not a word of english, only Spanish. I didn't want to cry in front of the family and not be able to articulate my feelings of grief for them, so I made myself keep it together until after work. This family has a very tragic story, and it really affected a lot of the NICU nurses. However, had they spoken english or if I had spoken Spanish, I would've had no problem crying with them. It happens frequently in our unit when a baby dies, and I do think that it can provide comfort to the family. One mom told us she so appreciated the fact that we were willing to show emotion and acknowledge that the death of a baby does affect us...that her baby wouldn't be viewed as just another statistic. I've been surprised at the times that sheer adrenaline has prevented the tears until later on, but it's highly situational. So that's a very longwinded way of saying that yes, we do cry with patients in an appropriate/respectful way, and yes it can be very much appreciated by the family.