Best Sick Call slips

  1. “I can’t turn off the alarm in my head.” Tinnitus or psych?

    “I need more energy, is there a pill for that?” When I saw him, his cellie had given him the solution: snort instant coffee. I recommended against that.

    “I see rainbows.” Eye problem, medication side effect or psych?

    “I have a abacus in my juggler brain” That would be ‘abscess on my jugular vein.

    “My eyes keep rolling in my head”. That was actually a medication side effect.

    “I’ve been asking and asking but nobody will give me a bandaid for my hangnail!”
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    About DawnJ

    Joined: Jun '11; Posts: 322; Likes: 405
    Many nursing hats; from US
    Specialty: 2 year(s) of experience

    25 Comments

  3. by   OrganizedChaos
    Lol. The ones that stick out most are "I haven't gone to the bathroom in X days".

    It's usually like over a week & when I talk to them I ask them why they didn't put in a sick call sooner.
  4. by   DawnJ
    Someone wrote to me today that they are "epi-electric"
  5. by   correctionsLPN1
    I'll never forget the first sick call I ever read said "I feel as doe I have jock ich"
  6. by   DawnJ
    I have one guy snowing me with requests for testosterone injections because he is losing his hair.

    And another who has his entire family calling Medical because he wants a multi-vitamin. That is a Psych issue because he has somatic symptoms and as soon as he swallows a vitamin, literally, he is dancing away from the Med Cart. Prior to the vitamin, he is unable to walk.

    Psych wants nothing to do with it because he declines services, saying he has a Medical problem. And the Medical docs feel it is a placebo and not ethical. Also against protocol because we only give vitamins if there is a deficency indicated on the blood work, and his is perfect X 4 tests.
  7. by   SinMiedo
    In a previous facility where the majority of our population spoke Spanish, many inmates would pool their collective English vocabulary words in order to submit a SC slip. One of the best I got was:
    " Miss Nurse.... I need to see you because I have the mushrooms on my feets." We were puzzled for a minute until we realized the translation error, then it was rather funny.
    Turns out the Spanish word for athletes foot and mushroom is close/the same, so the gentleman assumed the English meaning was too.


    More recently, I had this one:

    "I need to see the nerse becuz I was bite by a brown crouppen spiter."

    (Brown and Crouppen is a law firm that advertises constantly on TV in the area.)
  8. by   OrganizedChaos
    Quote from SinMiedo
    In a previous facility where the majority of our population spoke Spanish, many inmates would pool their collective English vocabulary words in order to submit a SC slip. One of the best I got was:
    " Miss Nurse.... I need to see you because I have the mushrooms on my feets." We were puzzled for a minute until we realized the translation error, then it was rather funny.
    Turns out the Spanish word for athletes foot and mushroom is close/the same, so the gentleman assumed the English meaning was too.


    More recently, I had this one:

    "I need to see the nerse becuz I was bite by a brown crouppen spiter."

    (Brown and Crouppen is a law firm that advertises constantly on TV in the area.)
    Oh I remember those or I would have to translate on the computer since I don't speak Spanish. Haha!
  9. by   emilyy11
    I had someone put in a sick call asking about getting glasses. He used "eye" instead of "I" through the whole request. I responded the same way.
    I had another one that was "I am having brain fogginess due to the artificial sweetener in the juice packet. I would like to start on a new supplement."
    Another one was having "severe blue balls." he said he udually has sex with his wife 4 to 5 times a day and used pornographic videos to masturbate a few times a week. He was being completely serious. The nurse that saw him gave him an ice pack and a pamphlet about blue balls.
  10. by   DawnJ
    Quote from emilyy11
    The nurse that saw him gave him an ice pack and a pamphlet about blue balls.
    Where would I get a copy of that pamphlet?
  11. by   emilyy11
    He just found a thing to print off online.
  12. by   DawnJ
    Had one this week: "I need womb care". He meant "wound care" but this inmate is a big baby, so we got a good laugh
  13. by   Erikadawn RN
    The funniest one I got was from an elderly man that said, the marihuana smoke from cell 23, is aggravating his asthma. ( after investigating, it wasn't from him, just someone snitching on the marihuana smokers).
  14. by   Orca
    Quote from OrganizedChaos
    Lol. The ones that stick out most are "I haven't gone to the bathroom in X days".
    One inmate at my facility claimed to have not had a bowel movement for three months. "You would have exploded by now", I told her.

    A couple of kites that came in when I worked the clinic in a male medium security prison:

    "I am losing my hair and I want to know if you can give me anything to regrow it."

    An inmate was requesting Viagra "because I'm about to get out and I want to be ready for action."

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