First of all, big hug! The first day of clinicals is rough on a lot of people because it really is hard work! The moving, the bathing, the brief changing, the ambulating, and the emotional strain it can do.
Yes, it sucks, these sweet old people have detoriated and they can't do much for themselves. However the thought of you thinking about your loved ones shows a great deal of empathy and any facility needs people like you! :heartbeat
It gets better, at least it did for me! I am not sure if you plan to work in an LTC or a hospital, but whatever your goal it gets easier. Soon you will be know exactly what to do, how to do it, and do it efficently. I promise!! If you go through and read a lot of these posts on this forum you will find the most inspirational stories to keep you going. THANK YOU CNA FORUM!!! I know they have kept me going!
I remember my first day...I had to help care for a 350 pound alz. resident who was total care. So 145 pound me vs. 350 pound resident got exhausting fast!!! I just kept thinking is my CNA life going to be like this forever? Each day?? The whole way home I cried and told my husband I made a huge mistake, but like I said, it got easier
My clincals got easier, dots got connected in class, and it was fab! Well, for the most part it was until the LTC I was at failed their audit and we didn't have a clinical site 2 weeks before my test (whole nother story and rant).
Just keep positive!!! Keep going! If not for you, than for the residents who want to be cared for with respect and love.
When your class is done and you still think nursing isn't for you, it is okay!! There are million other opportunities for you to explore. Just be thankful you found out now before committing yourself to nursing school and then being out $30,000 or whatever it costs for nursing school.
Sorry this is so lengthy and I hope that I could help someway. For now, take one clincal and class period at a time. I promise it will get better!!! :redpinkhe