Drained`Exhausted`Emotionally Concerned`Disoriented

  1. Whoo! Today was my first day of clinicals as a CNA. I feel so drained and I came home so sad for the residents in the LTC Facility. I know what you learn in class and clinicals are completely different, because you have to get the job done, but I actually came home crying about just seeing individuals in the state that they were in. A lot reminded me of my older family members and it brought a tear to my eye. I'm glad I'm there to help out , but I know that nursing is not for me so far. I know I shouldn't base it on one day but this is how I feel. Did everyone else feel like that. ?? Also , I feel like I'm the only one who kept needing help running into issues with taking individuals to the restroom. WHy do I feel so out of place. everything else is coming to me but I feel so lost. breath , sleep, and lets do it allover again tomorrow.
  2. Visit Kitcat25 profile page

    About Kitcat25

    Joined: Feb '09; Posts: 31; Likes: 7
    Student; from US

    15 Comments

  3. by   srkerk
    First of all, big hug! The first day of clinicals is rough on a lot of people because it really is hard work! The moving, the bathing, the brief changing, the ambulating, and the emotional strain it can do.

    Yes, it sucks, these sweet old people have detoriated and they can't do much for themselves. However the thought of you thinking about your loved ones shows a great deal of empathy and any facility needs people like you! :heartbeat

    It gets better, at least it did for me! I am not sure if you plan to work in an LTC or a hospital, but whatever your goal it gets easier. Soon you will be know exactly what to do, how to do it, and do it efficently. I promise!! If you go through and read a lot of these posts on this forum you will find the most inspirational stories to keep you going. THANK YOU CNA FORUM!!! I know they have kept me going!

    I remember my first day...I had to help care for a 350 pound alz. resident who was total care. So 145 pound me vs. 350 pound resident got exhausting fast!!! I just kept thinking is my CNA life going to be like this forever? Each day?? The whole way home I cried and told my husband I made a huge mistake, but like I said, it got easier

    My clincals got easier, dots got connected in class, and it was fab! Well, for the most part it was until the LTC I was at failed their audit and we didn't have a clinical site 2 weeks before my test (whole nother story and rant).

    Just keep positive!!! Keep going! If not for you, than for the residents who want to be cared for with respect and love.

    When your class is done and you still think nursing isn't for you, it is okay!! There are million other opportunities for you to explore. Just be thankful you found out now before committing yourself to nursing school and then being out $30,000 or whatever it costs for nursing school.

    Sorry this is so lengthy and I hope that I could help someway. For now, take one clincal and class period at a time. I promise it will get better!!! :redpinkhe
  4. by   Misslady113
    Dont fret yet. I am not a CNA yet, but am taking my courses in a few weeks. I look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I will see conditions that will hurt my heart, and that I want to change but I cant. I will experience frustrations from not being able to make that huge difference that I expected. But then... I tell the residents(in my head) that I will be coming to help them in anyway that I can. That there are CNA's who dont care much and I am coming in there to save them from those who dont care, in any small way that I can. That if I walk away from them and my service to them, who will be left to care for them that truly has a heart? They need you. Forget yourself and what you want, your task is greater than what you want. Its about putting yourself aside and being there for them, in every small way that you can. Its about knowing that if you walk away, you might leave the job to someone who looks at it as just that, a job and nothing else. You cant change they way they live, they are in their last moments in this life, their final journey. But you can make a small difference to make that journey a little bit better for them. To give them that hope, any if you can, that life still has beauty in it, and is still worth living. They can find that beauty in you, if you find the strength to stick through. Good luck to you. Dont quit yet, your heart is big and you need to pour out your love to others who need it.:heartbeat
  5. by   NM nurse to be
    OMG I could have written your post after my first day of clinicals. I also went home crying for the folks and the way their lives are now. I empathized a bit too much, I think and that made it harder. Had a huge problem with that last night actually, as a couple residents hit HUGELY home for me in a very hard way.

    But it does get better. The old folks are still people who need and enjoy your help. I was actually a little scared of them at first, from being new and having no idea how to relate. The physicality was no big deal for me, I've always done far more than that in a day but mentally, I was beat!

    Once you figure out your routine and get to know the residents as individuals, it's not so scary. Not knowing the people OR the skills makes it feel even worse. And if after this, you decide it's not for you, that's a totally good decision too. We have a couple aides where I work who thoroughly hate their job and it shows to everyone around and especially residents. Why do this kind of work if you hate it?

    I will tell you too, that it took me quite a few months at my job to get comfortable and not go home stressed out and/or crying most days. It's a long process, learning a totally new trade. And for me, it has been well worth it.

    I wish you all the luck in your class and clinicals. Whatever you decide after that will be the right thing for you
  6. by   Kitcat25
    Thank you all so much ! Today wasn't as hard, but today was a day I didn't do much skills besides feeding, which I enjoyed. I got to know some more residents a lot better and did things to help them feel loved and cared for. I'm still feeling a little bit the same about everything that I did yesterday but things did come a little bit easier today. I cried again today but not boo hooing in the corner but one of the resident brought a tear to my eye, he told me he didn't want to be there, and I felt bad because he reminded me of someone that was once close to me. So after I talked to him I turned to the side to dry my eyes and keep my compusure and washed my hands and went back to talking to him. He was the one of the many sweetest "people I've ever met" in the facility as there were many sweet lovely individuals. I'm just getting used to everything, and I appreciate al of the good luck. I'm sooooo tired and drained, and I have to get back to my studies. huge test sorry if i'm starting to not make sense too!!! LOL yea school.
    Thanks everybody!
  7. by   V9611
    It is good that you feel those things...THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE YOU A GOOD NURSE !!! have you seen those people in the medical feild that have no heart? they just dont care...there is a big difference between us and them...and the patients, and patients families will see that. I start my clinicals in a week and a half and i am nervous, but i am positive you will do great, once you get used to it. Good luck.
  8. by   srkerk
    Quote from vanessa9611
    It is good that you feel those things...THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE YOU A GOOD NURSE !!! have you seen those people in the medical feild that have no heart? they just dont care...there is a big difference between us and them...and the patients, and patients families will see that. I start my clinicals in a week and a half and i am nervous, but i am positive you will do great, once you get used to it. Good luck.
    Vanessa I couldn't agree more with you!!!!! Kitcat, you can do this and you are going to make a fab nurse. I have faith in you!!
  9. by   mncna08
    i have to agree with mostly everyones posts so far. it takes time to get things down and your feelings will change. i can remember when i first started my cna job. i felt slow kind of dumb and well confused lol. but once you have your own area you get to know the residents and everything else falls into place. things that would sometimes make me want to cry because i would be so frustrated or stressed, i now dont have a problem with. its all in time! and i bet you anything that when you find the place your meant to work at after your class, your going to have moments that remind you just how much you do want to be a nurse! best wishes, i know you will do great!
  10. by   Busia
    I wish I would have found this thread earlier! This is exactly what I'm nervous about while waiting to start my CNA pre-req. I'm SO relieved to know there are others that feel this way, and that it's ok and that it gets better! I hope things keep getting better for you every day!:icon_hug:
  11. by   Kitcat25
    Quote from Busia
    I wish I would have found this thread earlier! This is exactly what I'm nervous about while waiting to start my CNA pre-req. I'm SO relieved to know there are others that feel this way, and that it's ok and that it gets better! I hope things keep getting better for you every day!:icon_hug:
    It actually did get better, or should I say the way I reacted to everything was in a different way. I had clincials again this weekend and it went by faster. I had a good CNA to shadow so that made all the difference. I felt so much for the residents still though. I just wanted to take them all home with me because I felt so bad. I found that the best thing for me was not to get lippy with the CNA's(which I didn't), and to just observe and know that I will try my best to provide better care when I get in the field. After giving it some careful thought, I"m leaning more towards working in the hospital after I get my certification. I don't feel that emotinally I could work in LTC..
  12. by   Kitcat25
    Also,
    does anybody else dream about their residents. I keep having dreams of me working and being with the residents that I did my clinicals with. Is that strange?
  13. by   azcna
    When I see my residents going through rough times I just remember to be grateful that I get to take care of them. I know that I will do a good job getting them cleaned up, getting their teeth brushed, turning them, etc. Not everyone does that. I like taking on the difficult/total care people because then I know for sure that they are getting good care.
  14. by   fuzzywuzzy
    ^me too. a lot of people don't bother with turning or oral care.

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