Christmas Humor

spineCNOR · Dec 13, 2002

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?

A: Because he knows where all the bad girls live!

...Ho, Ho, Ho!

Mary Dover · Dec 13, 2002

From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will

no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South

Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North AmericanFairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the

new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so

keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your

local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side

of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys

to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between

us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an

RC-cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't

smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit

can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead

of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one

time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba

Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott

and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to

hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and

It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.

Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit

IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars

crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the

wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents

under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

cmggriff · Dec 15, 2002

Why are there no little Clauses?

Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.

Gary

nakitamoon · Dec 15, 2002

:rotfl: thank so much!

happy holidays,,,,, :roll ~kitamoon

ERNurse752, RN · Dec 15, 2002

Originally posted by cmggriff
Why are there no little Clauses?

Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.

Gary

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! heee heee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:eek: :roll

nurse wisdom · Dec 16, 2002

Sorry in advance to anyone who doesnt like this kind of humour... but for the rest of you... read on!

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?

Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?

They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?

Snowballs.