can you please critique my Case Manager cover letter?

[silkysteph]

Dear Hiring Manager,

As an applicant for the RN Case Manager Position at xxx, I am submitting a resume and outline of my qualifications.

The HIV/AIDS patients I have been exposed to are immensely vulnerable, yet spirited and strong. I have learned more from them than from any other type of patient and have overwhelming compassion for them. I became nurse because of my need to help people and my desire to implement positive changes. Though, I enjoy bedside nursing, I know I will be able to make the greatest impact through the business side of nursing as a case manager because of my innate qualities.

I understand the system of care delivery and would ensure the correct resources are used in the most efficient manner to improve patient outcomes while containing costs. I am aware that in such a complex health care system, it is easy for care to become scattered. My thoroughness, vigilance, and excellent communication will prevent unnecessary services or redundant care. I have frequently been commended by my clinical instructors for being both detailed oriented and able to see the whole picture in care needs for my patients.

I have the ability to communicate effectively with both patients and healthcare providers while maintaining excellent interpersonal skills. I am always the patient advocate, as I ensure my patients' needs are met and their voices heard. I am highly sensitive to the cultural diversity and am naturally discrete, respectful, and kind.

I have excellent organizational, documentation and assessment skills. And can handle many responsibilities simultaneously. I am a fast leaner and am focused on adhering to regulations, guidelines, and quality assurance on a unit.

Please give me the opportunity to interview and show my professionalism, enthusiasm, and desire to make the most positive changes I can for these vulnerable HIV/AIDS patients.

Sincerely,

s

[Bayat]

It's a bit meandering. You should focus on how you qualify for the position. Look over the ad and see how your cover letter answers the ad, point by point. In the meantime, look this over and see what you think:

Dear Human Resources Professional,

I am pleased to learn of your need for an RN Case Manager, as my career goals and expertise are directly in line with this opportunity. My experience and education have provided me with excellent knowledge of HIV/AIDS treatment practices, acute patient care, family relations, staff development and other relevant skills of an effective team member.

The following are highlights of my qualifications and accomplishments:

. . . * Previous experience in working with HIV/AIDS patients.

. . . * Strong understanding about the care delivery system insuring the correct resources are used in the most efficient manner while containing costs.

. . . * Possess excellent people management skills along with strong communication skills which have immensely helped me in this line of work.

. . . * Excellent organizational, documentation and assessment skills with the ability to multitask.

. . . * Adherence to regulations, guidelines, and quality assurance on a unit.

In my position, HIV/AIDS patients I've worked with are immensely vulnerable, yet spirited and strong. From them I learned more about compassion and strength than from any other type of patient and like to excel at the next level in the field. I became a nurse because of my need to help people and my desire to implement positive changes. Though, I enjoy bedside nursing, I know I will be able to make the greatest impact through the business side of nursing as a case manager because of my innate qualities.

Though my resume is detailed and comprehensive, it cannot fully demonstrate the manner in which I have achieved success. Character, personality, and the ability to work in a team environment can be demonstrated in a personal meeting. I would welcome an interview at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am certain that I would become a valuable addition to your staff.

Thank you for your valued time,