Calling out during family emergencies (advice?)

[saraelizanne87]

(I apologize for any grammar mistakes as this is being typed in my phone)

i've been a RN since 2011, was able to obtain my BSN in 2013, and got my dream job as a MedSurg nurse at a great hospital. Everything was going well professionally at work, I felt my confidence building and was loving the challenges of new experiences.

I am now attending Villanova for my Masters in Nursing Education, and will be getting my feet wet as a adjunct instructor in the upcoming fall. In two weeks in fact.

Personally on the other hand, this past month has been a nightmare. My little brother had been battling mental illness since 2010, ever since a horrible car accident that caused a traumatic brain injury. My older brother and I took measures to try and help him, took any weapons or guns away two months ago. However, my little brother bought a gun illegally a month later, and shot another young man. The young man died two days later.

My older brother and I have been trying to hold my parents together without us falling apart ourselves.

Before all of this my husband has been battling his own problems. A week before my brother did what he did, we finally were able to go to his doctor and start taking lexapro. Prior to all of this, he was using pot to 'self medicate' but because of my professional advancement, he didn't want to ruin everything we have worked toward because of something stupid like pot. So he stopped using it a total of 3 weeks prior to starting lexapro. After being on lexapro for three weeks and no pot for 6 weeks, he made the horrible poor decision to smoke once last time before his birthday.

He came home high, and I was angry. I said we would discuss this later, but we should celebrate his birthday since I had to work on his birthday that night.

I was driving when he had a psychotic break. He was attempting to get in my ear and eye because he saw something 'in my head and had to get it out.' He was screaming. It was terrifying. He was arrested, he and I was taken to the hospital. He was placed into jail for two days until we were able to get him admitted for treatment as a 201 in a locked psych facility. He was there for 10 days, and finally came home two days ago.

Now that you all see the Hoyt mess that is my personal life, now I can ask you my big question.

Because of my little brother, the court dates, my husband and the treatment meetings etc. I have called out of work a total of 5 times the past month. I worked yesterday and friends of mine and my older brother "babysat" my husband yesterday. I came home last night, and my husband was not good at all. I had to call out today. My manager knows about my younger brother, but not about my husband. I told her I got into a car accident.

i am terrified of ruining this job. Even though I am moving on to my new clinical adjunct position, I am terrified that this is the beginning of more issues/problems.

Even though to my friends I may look okay, I feel like I am falling apart. His closest family - his sister- left to go on a much needed vacation with her kids. My parents are on vacation, and even though they understand mental illness to a degree, they still left. We have many friends, who all are offering to help, but it is difficult for my husband, who is so deeply ashamed of himself, to have people see him like this.

I just broke down last night, and just feel so overwhelmed. We have a plan to go to therapy, individual and couple the next week- but it's until then that I am worried about.

any advice, any positive thoughts, anything would be loved right now, my fellow nurses.

[Julesmama28]

I am so sorry for everything you're going through. To me, it sounds like you're trying to carry the weight of all of that on yourself. Don't. Your brother is not your responsibility. Your parents need to bear that load. Your husband is, to an extent. If you don't feel safe going to work and leaving him alone then maybe ask for a leave of absence to get things figured out? Or maybe he needs more time in a facility. I would worry too about excessive call offs and losing my job. You need to either be upfront with your manager and hope they're supportive or figure it out so you can make it to work. Otherwise you probably will be fired. Good luck!

RN BSN

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

You are going through so much! Does your employer have an EAP where you could get some counseling to help you cope with all of this?

I wonder if you would qualify for Family Medical Leave, based in your husband's condition? His psychiatrist might be willing to fill out the paperwork for you. Then you could stay home awhile, in hopes that he could become stable on his medications, while your job wouldn't be in jeopardy.

I wonder about his lexapro. Is he still taking it? Is his psychosis better since his hospitalization? I hope he's in continued contact with his psychiatrist.

Feel free to private message me if you'd like. I've been through this with my mom.

[Nurse Leigh]

If you have enough hours yo qualify for FMLA, please try that.

I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with. It makes me sad that such a stigma still exists with mental illness that your husband feels shame. ((Hugs)) to you all.

I also second the EAP idea. This is affecting you and you need a safe place to vent and put things in perspective so that you can continue to do what you can to help your family.

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

I definitely would try to get FMLA as the other posters mentioned. That was my first thought for you. I am terribly sorry for what you're going through. Wow. Makes me count my blessings. Prayers to you and your family.

[Jules A, MSN]

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through and am sorry this is piling up on you but would recommend you start setting some boundaries to protect yourself and your livelihood. Perhaps its because I work in psych but I have a very low threshold for drama so while I have been blessed that my family and friends are stable there is no way I would jeopardize my job for a family member, not even my husband.

I would also recommend FMLA because you are likely putting your reputation and job in jeopardy.

[wojoRN]

I am also terribly sorry for all u are going through. .....can u not apply for a leave of absence with fmla covering u.....that way at least u don't have to worry about ur great job...you are putting way to much all on urself l.....so what happens if you break? Forgive me for sounding trite but it is time for a little battlefield triage IMO ....Can YOU help ur brother on your own with just you as a resource right now? Maybe one of those nicer rehab places for a while if that is possible.....not 100% sure of the entire situation. ..then u can still support him on court dates etc. Finally you can spend the remaining time with ur husband and maybe even some time for you....these are all just the first ideas that came to my mind....just keep in mind I was an Army combat medic and have been an ER RN ever since sooo that's the type of mindset u are dealing with with me lol