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having a boyfriend vs. nursing studies

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I am only 19 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We have been going out since high school and he has a basic part time job. He hasnt decided to go to college yet because he is unsure of what he wants to do with his life so he does not want to waste money on it.

Me on the other hand has been into the medical field and always knew what i wanted to do once I got out of high school which is to become a nurse. I have my CNA right now and got the opportunity to work at one of the best hospitals in the state. It is very difficult and I have alot to learn since the CNA class I took was geared toward LTC facilities so there is alot of new stuff to learn. I am overwhelmed because I want to do well and I know that it takes time and practice. I feel very privileged to be able to work in a hospital because not many young people get the chance to because of "lack of maturity or experience". So I really want to do my best because I want to go to nursing school and become an RN in the facility and they promote within so I could do many things after I am through with my nursing days.

My dilemma is I love my boyfriend so much and we have been through alot and he is always there to support me. We talk about ourselves getting married and growing old together but I fear that he will not be as successful as I plan to be because he does not have any goals for himself. I want a man who has a good career and knows where he is going in life and will be able to support me and my family. I dont want to be the one making the most money in the household because that is a man's position. He does support my position Im in and is scared I will leave him because he wont be as successful. He consumes my thoughts and it is so hard to focus on the life around me and that scares me. Instead of studying my skills I rather spend time with him and I know that is the wrong way to go. Everyone keeps telling me he will stay if he truly loves me and that you need to focus on yourself to the best of your ability to become one of the big dogs. My parents continuously tell me to stay home and study but i just ignore them because I want to go out and be a kid as well.

Does anyone have some advice for me?? I am young and feel like I am making stupid choices and the sad part is I know Im making stupid choices but i just cant stop it.

It sounds like you already know what the right choice is... you just have to make it for yourself.......... One doesn't "waste money" going to college getting all of the basics done while you figure out what you want to do..... I had no clue what I was going to do until I started going to college....... but basics are pretty basic that you must do for almost any choice of career........

I wish you luck and the strength to do what you know is right for you!!

It sounds like you already know what the right choice is... you just have to make it for yourself.......... One doesn't "waste money" going to college getting all of the basics done while you figure out what you want to do..... I had no clue what I was going to do until I started going to college....... but basics are pretty basic that you must do for almost any choice of career........

I wish you luck and the strength to do what you know is right for you!!

Thank you. I just wish there was an easier way to go about balancing your career and relationship. I know whats right for me, but my actions of actually breaking the relationship off or just spending less time with him is a difficult thought because Im used to him always being around or else I get upset and moody. He is like my best friend.

nurse2033, MSN, RN

Specializes in ER, ICU.

Move forward in your career. If he loves you he will get off his butt and figure out how to impress you with his success. Don't marry him and don't get knocked up. Give yourself a time frame for him to get his act together. He might rise to the occasion and you could have a great life together. But if he's not the man you want to marry when the time comes, move on. It sounds like everyone in your life is giving you good advice. Take responsibility for your future or give up your dreams, but stop whining about how you keep making mistakes. Growing up means doing things you know to be right, even if they might be hard. Best of luck!

I dont want to be the one making the most money in the household because that is a man's position.

Maybe 50 years ago...maybe even 20 years ago. Welcome to 2011, things change.

You're 19, I assume your boyfriend is the same age or close to it. You both still have plenty of time to figure out careers and your futures. Talk to your boyfriend OPENLY and CANDIDLY...lay it out as you see it and see what happens.

My advice to you is to stay committed to your goals! I started college right out of high school and dropped out a year in because I didn't want to take out student loans and didn't qualify for financial aide. My car payment took almost all of my paycheck. Truth be known it was easy for me to make the decision at the time because my fiance owned his own business and I wasn't worried as much about my future and even though I have never been a partier, I was in love and wanted to spend all my free time with him. But I was wrong! Not about the future part, we are doing fine. But five kids later, I have wished even more that I would have pushed myself and went ahead and stuck with it. It never occurred to me I didn't have to go full speed ahead at the time and could have taken a couple less classes and kept going. It also never occurred to me to get a certificate, like you did to make a little more to pay for my classes and be working toward my goal. There have been many times as "just a mom" I felt worthless and wished I had something to be proud of. Now most of all, I wished I was already a nurse, not because I need to work but because I want to be doing something that really matters and that my children can be proud of. It would have been so much easier to be brushing up skills now, then just starting out...again.

Funny thing is my husband is the one who has always called me a nurse and who encouraged me to go back even when I didn't think it could ever happen. Maybe you could suggest the basics for your boyfriend, like already suggested or help him look at some certificate programs if he doesn't want to commit to something long term. I know for me it was really hard to go back, just because I didn't think I could do it. Started with just one class in the summer and now I remember why I used to love school. Much luck to you and keep it up.

I think it's actually a smart move on the boyfriend's part - college costs keep going up and up and up, to the point there are articles out there saying it's actually no longer cost effective to go to college. Maybe he'll end up in the military or something. If you're not sure what you want to do, it's not always the best option to go into debt and find out. Heck, if I had been smarter, I should've worked the past couple years until I figured it out. Instead, I've used up six semesters of financial aid (which is all that keeps me IN college).

i have the same problem with my boyfriend but thankfully he seems to be getting a clearer direction of what he wants to do. still, if hes not in school by the end of this year, i told him that we are over. by then itll have been 3 years not in school btw. i dont want to be with someone who has no ambition or goals, or couldnt even support HIMSELF when the time comes to move out because all he can get is minimum wage jobs. he says he will start this spring..we will see. truth be told though...i dont know if ill be able to leave him once this year is up. i love him and he too is like my best friend..

so OP, idk what we are going to do, but at least you know i can relate to your situation :hug: hope all goes well for you.

I didn't read past about the fifth line, but the leech needs to get a full-time job if he's not going to school.

Ayvah, RN

Specializes in Med Surg, Specialty. Has 10 years experience.

Him seeing you working hard and achieving your goals and making something of yourself will help inspire him to do the same - really. Stick with it - you'll be glad you did. Giving up a lot of time with our families to do nursing school is universal, and you'll find a lot of support in the student nursing forum here, which I'd heartily recommend. But even though it is hard now, your future self will thank you when you have a better life, and more doors opened. Remember, the more you push off school the harder it will be to do it. So jump right in :)

Maybe 50 years ago...maybe even 20 years ago. Welcome to 2011, things change.

You're 19, I assume your boyfriend is the same age or close to it. You both still have plenty of time to figure out careers and your futures. Talk to your boyfriend OPENLY and CANDIDLY...lay it out as you see it and see what happens.

I respectfully disagree with you AirforceRN. Men were designed to be providers. That's how the first man was built and that's how the last man will be built. Yes, things have changed and households often require two incomes, but the fundamental things that make a man feel like a man have NOT. Being in an "upside down" marriage myself, I know that it causes conflict. It blurs lines and complicates things. Ha ha ha, maybe I should save this for the counselor! Seriously though, it's not just my marriage that I know with this issue. I think the OP knows what she can handle and apparently the burden of being the breadwinner is not one of those things.

My advice to OP is to get your school on!!:D Either he will step up to the plate and show you he can be what you need & want him to be OR ...he can go kick rocks LOL:twocents:. Kudos to you for knowing what you want and don't want for both yourself and your future life partner at such an early age. Stay true to yourself and DO NOT compromise!

Edited by TrophyWife

I didn't read past about the fifth line, but the leech needs to get a full-time job if he's not going to school.

It's not always easy to find a full-time job. I know someone who's been looking for two years. And the only people I know who have full-time jobs (that recently got them as young, just out of highschool) are working for their families.

my3suns

Specializes in Peds; Cardiac, NICU, PACU. Has 5 years experience.

IMHO the biggest issue is you not thinking you will be able to study while he is around. You have to realize that your education is most important and all things will take a backseat to that or your grades will reflect it. You have to be able to do that before you even start school.

As for your boyfriend, if he is your age, I think give him a break! I do think he needs to work but I also think that he may not need an education for him to be successful. Now if you want him to have a degree for a sense of status that is another thing but that wont guarantee you security, just read this site for people who are going into nursing as a second career because their first one didnt pan out.

My DH went to college for two semesters to be a teacher not because he wanted but because his mom did. He dropped out got a certificate and now 15yrs later owns two businesses and makes much more than a teacher!! It can go either way.

I do wish you the best of luck!! Remember to focus on you and your studies!

NaKcl, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med-Surg.

My advice is,,, You need to focus on one thing, either the nursing school or your boyfriend. It is hard, but you need to make the priority. Let him figure out his future and you focus on your future. YOu forcing him will not change him. it will just waste your energy and time. You focus on your goal only for now.

I understand where you are coming from me and my bf were in a similar situation & i am the same age as you. . . . u know what i did i gave him an ultimatum told him to get his butt in school or were done. And guess what he did it & u know what happened the 1st semester he passed 1 class out of the 5 he took (which i advised him not to ) and that class was gym with a C+!!!!!!!You can't force success, the desire to become successful has to come within. I totally can understand what u mean about feeling moody, guilty and neglecting him to go study but u know what sometimes you have to really get over it. I know were young "in love" filled with theses emotions for these guys but if their not playing their part, u need to just wait it out focus on you & keep him in the back of your mind. What i used to do is plan our dates in advance , become organize and u can make time for him, DO NOT FALL BEHIND BECAUSE OF HIM IT'S NOT WORTH IT , WE ARE VERY FORTUNATE TO BE YOUNG, EMPLOYED & ON THE RIGHT PATH TO SUCCESS NO GUY IS WORTH UR PASSION, IF THIS IS WHAT U TRULY WANT. breaking up with him is just going to further complicate the situation & consume your thoughts and it will be much harder to focus, wait it out on him making his mind on college and career path(boys mature later then girls & figure things out longer then girls in some cases) and ORGANIZE!. it's easier said then done tho

mtowers2

Specializes in LTC. Has 1 years experience.

I definitely don't believe it is the "man's position" to make more money however, it should be the expectation of any person you are with to at least have some sort of goals for the future and the responsibility of getting up everyday and going to work. Everyone has room for growth, so my concern with the situation is he should have some sort of goals long term and short term. Ultimately you need to focus on you and your career goals. If he loves you he will A. support you especially if you are doing something positive with your life and B. hopefully will step up and better himself for you and your relationship!

OP,

I was in your same shoes your age.. In love, 'engaged', and planning our future.. That is until I started to see I wanted to take schooh serious and he wouldn't, and would argue why I would prefer to study than hang out or party.. Needless to say I tried, changed schools to be with him and tried to party to show him I wasn't as boring as his friends said I was..

Two weeks later I found out he cheated on me with some high school drop out.. I felt stupid but decided to move on...the point is don't let what you feel now decided the next 20 years of your life!! Have fun girl!! You're fresh outta high school! Enjoy your youth before planning your old age with any guy!! There are soooooo many fish on the ocean we call life!! Lol!!! Let someone else pay the bill for a change!! Lol! Become a nurse first! Who knows you just may have awesome luck and catch a Doctor or something! ;)

Wanna_BA_Nurse

Specializes in Forensic/Psych/Surgical nurse.

I honestly don't see how you earning the most money is a big deal. I can see it being an issue if he continues to not earn any money at all though. Listen to your friends on this one: "if he truly loves you he'll stay". Focus on your future. Remember when you go on a plane and they say to put your mask on first in case of an emergency and then put it on your kid? This is that kind of deal.