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Being bullied at work

Nurses   (3,863 Views 63 Comments)
by Mariah2019 Mariah2019 (New Member) New Member Nurse

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wondern has 20 years experience as a ASN.

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I always liked the saying when you assume something it makes an *** out of u and me. Good nurses are trained not to assume anything. Anticipate problems, yes, assume, big no-no. We must gather facts not make assumptions. :coollook: 

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668 Visitors; 54 Posts

7 hours ago, Ruby Vee said:

And helping the OP includes pointing out that she comes across as racist.  And that if she's openly contemptuous of her colleagues, as comes across in her post, there's a good reason for them not to like her.  You cannot complain of being "bullied" if your coworkers are responding to your openly negative opinion of them.    You can work to rebuild workplace relationships and realize that is going to happen as long as you continue to drip contempt for your coworkers.

One can help point out if the OP is coming across as racist or culturally insensitive, however, there is a big difference between pointing it out and instructing the OP on better phrasing or having the general awareness as to what that term can mean to some people.  As I said before, the OP came here for help.  Instead, she was attacked.  The OP did not give a great description of of exactly what is going on in her job and did leave a lot open to interpretation. The OP is clearly frustrated.  You write as if she came into this job day 1 with "contempt" for her co workers.  We have NO WAY of knowing if that is true. Perhaps now, the OP has contempt..... and I would not blame the OP if they did if the description of the co worker behavior is anything close to accurate. 

You are right to suggest that if she is " openly contemptuous of her colleagues" then it would be no wonder that they respond negatively to her. However, we don't KNOW what her behavior is.  In my perception of this post, the OP is venting a bit.  

 I can say with certainly that If people treated me like this, you can be sure that I would not like them and if it went on long enough, develop contempt for them.   

Many respondents here are making assumptions about what her behavior must have been.  I believe the term is is victim blaming. 

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668 Visitors; 54 Posts

3 hours ago, buttercup9 said:

One can help point out if the OP is coming across as racist or culturally insensitive, however, there is a big difference between pointing it out and instructing the OP on better phrasing or having the general awareness as to what that term can mean to some people

I did not edit this well.... sorry. I'll try again.

One can help point out to the OP if they are coming across as racist or culturally insensitive.  However, there is a big difference between pointing it out and instructing the OP on better phrasing or having the awareness as to what the term can mean to some people and zeroing in on one word and based on that make generalized assumptions and comments implying what a terrible person they are. As I said before, the OP came here for help and instead she/he was attacked.

 

The rest of the above comment is as good as I can muster at the moment.

 

 

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Roy Hanson has 36 years experience and works as a Retired.

6,180 Visitors; 210 Posts

find another job!

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workinmomRN2012 has 6 years experience and works as a RN.

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Get out while you still have your license intact! If there is an incident with one of your patients through not fault of your own, you can bet that they will throw you under the bus quicker than you can say..I QUIT!! 

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workinmomRN2012 has 6 years experience and works as a RN.

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As far as the coworkers having an "attitude" towards the newbie..we all know that this is common place in nursing! People on this post acting like its unheard of, we've all been through it. Based on what the OP wrote about their work ethic, I would have to say that they probably dont like the "newbie" because she actually works and she makes them look bad!

And.. we are ALL tested when it comes to a new job, I just started a new job 6 months ago and Ive been a RN for 8yrs and one of the nurses decided to talk sh@! about me within ear shot of the room I was in and didn't know I was listening to every word. I "discussed" it with her afterwards and she no longer behaves this way and now we get along just fine.

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN.

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4 hours ago, workinmomRN2012 said:

As far as the coworkers having an "attitude" towards the newbie..we all know that this is common place in nursing! People on this post acting like its unheard of, we've all been through it. Based on what the OP wrote about their work ethic, I would have to say that they probably dont like the "newbie" because she actually works and she makes them look bad!

And.. we are ALL tested when it comes to a new job, I just started a new job 6 months ago and Ive been a RN for 8yrs and one of the nurses decided to talk sh@! about me within ear shot of the room I was in and didn't know I was listening to every word. I "discussed" it with her afterwards and she no longer behaves this way and now we get along just fine.

I would challenge your point that "we've all been through it."  As for the OP's work ethic -- we have only the OP's word on that, and I don't think I've ever seen a thread where an OP admitted to a poor work ethic and complained about coworkers not liking her.

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workinmomRN2012 has 6 years experience and works as a RN.

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2 hours ago, Ruby Vee said:

I would challenge your point that "we've all been through it."  As for the OP's work ethic -- we have only the OP's word on that, and I don't think I've ever seen a thread where an OP admitted to a poor work ethic and complained about coworkers not liking her.

Really!??? To prove my point all you have to do is look at the many posts from the past on bullying here on AN, also their are many types of bully tactics (passive/aggressive behavior) used by nurses to intimidate newer nurses. You would have to be living under a rock not to notice or heard about it. A good majority have been through it. I, myself have caught myself doing it and just maybe you have too.

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN.

11 Followers; 65 Articles; 169,605 Visitors; 13,887 Posts

6 minutes ago, workinmomRN2012 said:

Really!??? To prove my point all you have to do is look at the many posts from the past on bullying here on AN, also their are many types of bully tactics (passive/aggressive behavior) used by nurses to intimidate newer nurses. You would have to be living under a rock not to notice or heard about it. A good majority have been through it. I, myself have caught myself doing it and just maybe you have too.

I'm not living under a rock, and I've read the many threads on bullying.  Most of them, however, are not about actual bullying.  A new poster misinterprets plain old negative feedback as bullying.  A new grad says her preceptor didn't invite her to eat lunch, and complains that "she wanted to eat with her friend from the other ICU," and calls that bullying.  Oh, and the charge nurse never says "hello" first.  (REALLY?)  Someone cannot get along with anyone at her job -- or the previous four jobs since she graduated a year ago -- and conclude that clouds of mean people are following her around.  That kind of stuff comes up all of the time here, and people jump on the thread and advise the OP that all older nurses are just mean bullies and she should quit. It kinda takes the meaning away from someone who has truly been bullied.  And there are a few.  

I've caught myself snapping at someone a time or two, but that is not bullying.  I probably snapped at more than a few folks when I was dealing with breast cancer (mine), my mother's Alzheimer's, my father's heart disease and my husband's mental health issues.  Fortunately my colleagues cut me a lot of slack.  Just as I stop and wonder (at least if I'm my best self, I do) what is going on with someone who approaches me in the hallway to unload on me.  Did she just lose a patient in the OR?  Not cool to take it out on your colleagues, but sometimes it happens.  Is he going through a nasty divorce?  Again, not cool, but sometimes you just cannot help snapping at the person who interrupts your phone call from your lawyer for the 5th time to ask a question that the unit secretary sitting right there and NOT doing anything could have answered better anyway.  

If you have negative interactions with someone, rather than jump on the bully bandwagon, stop and think -- is this typical of them?  If so, is it only you, or is it everyone?  If it's only you, is there a reason?  I made a careless negative remark to someone I knew shared my opinion one time in the break room, and inadvertently offended a nurse sitting there who held the opposite opinion.  Turns out she was my evaluator, and I got the worst review I've ever had.  It wasn't a consistent and systematic attempt to control or break me, and it was my own danged fault.  Not bullying.  She didn't like me because I made that remark, which she disagreed with, and she thought I was making fun of her.  (I wasn't -- wasn't even aware she was sitting there, and didn't know of her opinion anyway.)  It was a long time before she'd accept my apology . . . but it wasn't bullying.  

There are a lot of posts and a lot of threads here about bullying, but most of them are nothing like bullying.

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Spidey's mom works as a RN.

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Agreed Ruby . . . and I hesitated due to the subject of this thread.  We've been around awhile and  seen a lot of threads about bullying and come to find out, it wasn't really bullying. 

(I laughed when I saw the footnote to your posts.  COB's indeed!)

 

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latebloomer74 is a LPN and works as a LPN.

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Sounds almost exactly like my first nursing job☹️

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17 hours ago, workinmomRN2012 said:

Really!??? To prove my point all you have to do is look at the many posts from the past on bullying here on AN, also their are many types of bully tactics (passive/aggressive behavior) used by nurses to intimidate newer nurses. You would have to be living under a rock not to notice or heard about it. A good majority have been through it. I, myself have caught myself doing it and just maybe you have too.

Add me as one who disagrees that we have "all been through it." I was NOT bullied as a new nurse. My unit had an awesome manager. The culture comes from the top, and our culture was one that nurtured the new nurses. Negativity would not have been tolerated there. 

I have also never bullied a new nurse. I have a lot of empathy for the newbies. I don't get off on being passive aggressive, nor do I need to build myself up by tearing someone else down. 

I really have never worked anywhere that had a culture of bullying or NETY or anything like that. I am not saying that it doesn't exist-but it doesn't happen everywhere.

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