Any advice for my situation would help in my decision...

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Hello friends,

I am actually back on here, because I was given great advice when I was in an ADN program. Needless to say, I ended up failing out of that program in the summer of 2008. I got two D's in pharmacology and med-surg. At about this time, my father was pretty ill and had been in the hospital a couple of times. It was difficult to cope and at the same time, I just took nursing school too lightly. The workload was just too overwhelming. Now my new situation..

I was accepted into a BSN-RN program June 2009. It was in July that my father passed away. Somehow I was able to pass Health Assessment, also being able to complete semester 1 courses pathophysiology and fundamentals of nursing with the clinical. Semester 2, I was able to pass with an A and C, somehow.

These past few months starting in August, I was in Semester 3, taking OB/Pedi course and practicum. Halfway through my semester, my mom started having some health issues and was admitted into the hospital a few times. At this point, I'm so scared that I'm going to lose my mom. I had to continue going to class, even though all I was thinking was losing someone I loved so much. I'm 24 years old, I can't lose both of my parents already. I haven't even gotten married or finished school! I continued the rest of the semester but ended up failing by 2 points. I came into the final with a 73 and needed to do good on the final in order to pass the class. It just really sucks. I had a study group come over to my apt 7 days straight before the test to go over and discuss everything, although they did clown around a bit, and did get restless often because it was a lot of information to contain. It was a group of 7 of us. I was the only one that failed the course. 5 out of 7 of us were borderline including me, and I just didn't make the cut.

The way I found out really broke me down. I took my final on a Wednesday, and they didn't give us our grades until Thursday. When I was taking the test, I realized that we had studied TOO IN DEPTH of the material. We studied so much material that wasn't even on the final exam, that I couldn't believe it. There were questions that I was in disbelief about, and a few that were from previous tests. As soon as I took the test, I went home and with another girl in our group tried to remember questions and I checked the answers to see how many I got right and wrong. I felt pretty confident I did well. One of the girls in our group had a 72 coming into the exam and needed to make at least an 80 to pass. She called me after the exam, crying that she was going to fail and that she hated that she would be delayed, etc. etc. I said it was okay, and that I may be in the same boat, and that we just had to have hope.

The next day, the group had gone up to the school before me, and got their progress report. Excited, celebrating that they passed. The girl that called me crying the day before called me and said, "I PASSED WITH A 74.5!!!!" (74.5 is pretty much considered the passing grade in the program). I'm excited, thinking that I could join the group after and that all of that studying we did in those days paid off. I went into the teacher's office, and she shut the door. She told me that I did not pass the class, and that I did not do well enough on my final exam to push up my grade. Then she proceeded to tell me that I would not be able to retake the class until Fall 2011, because Spring 2011 didn't have enough space for me to retake the class with all the upcoming students taking all the spaces. I kept my composure, but inside I died.

Ever since I've just been crying and depressed. I've already failed out one program, and now I'm in another program already failing, with two more semesters to go. I hear that semester 4 is very hard with psychiatric/med-surg 2. It would have been handy to have the fail chance for semester 4 or 5, but not 3.. What just sucks the most is that the expected graduated date of Dec 2011, has now been changed to Dec 2012, if I finish the program.

I've been at this dilemma for awhile. Should I just wait and continue on with this program with this year delay, or just start over at another program? Will my chances of being accepted into another program be close to none since it shows I failed out of an ADN program and failed a course at another nursing program?

I feel that this current program that I'm in is VERY UNORGANIZED, and I don't feel that most of the teachers just don't give a damn. We also do extra meetings and these stupid get-togethers that are just a waste of time. I know that every program will have their unorganization and not the best teachers, but I really feel that this certain school of nursing is not for me. What do yall think I should do?

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I empathize with your situation, in many ways.

Is there any reason you need to plow through school right now? Maybe you should take some time away from school, get a job, and try to sort out your emotional issues first. Taking a break from school doesn't mean you're a loser, you can go your entire life as a non-college graduate and still be a "good person" and "successful".

Also taking a break from school will let you get some more experience and age. You'd be surprised what just a few years of experience can do to help you see things in a new way, to approach challenges from a different angle.

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I empathize with your situation, in many ways.

Is there any reason you need to plow through school right now? Maybe you should take some time away from school, get a job, and try to sort out your emotional issues first. Taking a break from school doesn't mean you're a loser, you can go your entire life as a non-college graduate and still be a "good person" and "successful".

Also taking a break from school will let you get some more experience and age. You'd be surprised what just a few years of experience can do to help you see things in a new way, to approach challenges from a different angle.

I have a big family and I am the youngest. Everyone has graduated and they have jobs and a family already, and I am over here still in school, with my mom still having to support me.

It also sucks because every time I see someone that I haven't seen in awhile (which seems to happen too many times to count since I pretty much go into hibernation because of nursing school), they never fail to ask me, "So when are you going to be done with school? How's nursing school? When will you be done?" And I keep telling them, "December of next year", mostly with pride and to make my mom proud, because I'm the only one in the family going into a medical field out of her 7 children.

I feel like I'm just lagging behind too much. I am not a party person anymore, that all ended way before nursing school even started. I think my big deal is the ability to retain information. I've felt that I've wanted to continue taking care of people for the rest of my life, since most of my life I helped my mom take care of my dad. I like knowing that I make a certain impact on someone's life and helped them feel better.

I can't take care of anyone, if I keep constantly being a failure though. It's very discouraging. I feel like I don't know what to do with my life anymore. It's embarassing. I feel like I've let my family down.

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Well that's one problem right there. Don't make your life decisions based on your perceived notions of what would make your family proud.

Your mother wants you to be happy and to find your own path in the world, I promise. People are tricked by the media to believe that the only way to be successful is to have X degree, get married, and have 2.5 kids. Well happiness AIN'T a one size fits all.

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Specializes in School Nursing.

All I can say is I sympathize with you so much. I dropped out of college (not nursing) when I was 22 because my dad got sick. Right before he died my mom became sick. Went through 2 more years of her illness before it took her. It sucks, it's really, really hard to go through, especially so young.

Take the semester and study up so you can tackle it in the fall again. Spend some time with your mom. take it easy. You have plenty of time to finish school. Take care of yourself and your well being right now.

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Specializes in Oncology.

I am going to be a tad harsh.

I honestly believe that if you have failed out of one nursing program, and failed a course in your current program that isn't the "weed-out" course...you might want to reconsider your career choices. I would say that I would take the semester to do one of two things:

1. Get a job as a CNA at a hospital. Get some experience working with patients. At the same time, break out an NCLEX review book and start learning how to dissect those test questions. It sounds to me like it's not a problem with lack of studying, but a problem with how to apply it.

2. Take classes for another healthcare field, such as respiratory therapy or mental health associate. You can help patients without being an actual nurse if that's the driving force behind wanting to be there. I always told myself that if I didn't make it through nursing school, I was going to become a physical therapist.

I agree with others that have posted that you should not have your family's desires in mind when choosing your career. I also understand that it's a hard time for you emotionally, and because of that I believe that you should enjoy the holidays with your mom and other loved ones, and save this decision for after the beginning of the new year. You have 9 months to decide for sure whether you will re-enter the nursing program in Fall 2011, and I would encourage you to make the most of it.

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Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm glad I signed back on here to hear your kind words. Thank you again -

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

Psh it took me 6.5 years to get a 4 year degree because I was messing up, doing bad in pre reqs, failing a nursing class and what not. I got the same flak likeyou did about when are you graduating blah blah. And you know what, now that I am out of school its, when are you gonna propose, when are the kids coming. The pressure never stops coming at you from every direction. I just grit my teeth and tell them an answer to pacify them, knowing that I will finish everything, do everything on my own terms and when i think it is right. So what if it took me awhile to get there.

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Specializes in IMCU.

I thought I was going to lose my mother half way through this semester -- I actually do not remember taking a couple of exams and bursting into tears after them. But I did well.

What I am absolutely clear about is this -- no one who loves you (like your mother) would want you to fail a class because they were sick or even dying. The best gift I can ever give back to my parents is that they know I am doing OK.

So be upset, anxious, angry or whatever -- but keep up with school. See a counselor at your school for advice. One of the things I wish I had asked for was a quiet room to do the exam. I was so easily distracted by everything that went on around me during them.

You know sometimes I barely made it to the elevator of my clinical site before bursting into tears this semester. Now my mum is better but not out of the woods. She may not live to see me become a nurse.

During my prerequisites for nursing school I learned to give myself a big buffer. I do readings/assignments as soon as they are assigned. My priorities are family then school everything else is left in the dust. I would not be entering my last semester if I had not been working this way. Also, I work hard for good grades because I consider them part of my buffer -- if I consistently were to get Cs and fell behind or tanked a test -- I would have failed out by now.

I am certain you can do this. As for the people who ask you if you are done yet...no of their bloody business. I get that crapola from certain family members and acquaintances. When you are accepted into a program it is in their interests to graduate you (unless you would be unsafe to practice). You don't need to tell your program/instructors what has been going on but I think you should take advantage of the counseling services of your college. One semester will fly past -- go work as a CNA somewhere and make sure you sign up for classes for the following semester. Definitely do not jump ship you might not be able to get into another program for ages.

Good luck and chin up. I know it is hard.

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Specializes in IMCU.

Oh yes...you must stop considering yourself a failure. You failed a course. Not the same thing. Honestly it just sounds like you need some self-care skills/tools. That makes you just like everyone else.

Again you do not need to explain your graduation date to anyone.

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Specializes in future OB/L&D nurse(I hope) or hospice.

OP: you are still so very young. Just maybe this is fates way of pushing you in the direction of spending time with your mom. I just finished A&P II and got a C-. But I know why I didn't do so well. My mom has cancer and hospice just began. So the weekend prior to my final I didn't study at all. (of course with all of the stress I already knew my chances of passing this class were slim) I spent that weekend with my mother. Just like when I was a child. The cancer has spread to her brain so she is sort of like a child again and it breaks my heart. But I chose to lay with her and tickle her back, hold her hand and listen to christian music together. I will never regret my decision, even though it did put me behind a bit. I am not getting any younger, and it has been hard. But I know that no matter what I will reach my goal- and so will you. You have your entire life to be a nurse, but you do not have your entire life to spend time with your mom. Take the extra time with your mom-you won't regret it.

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