About to take NCLEX, but I'm worried I already don't love nursing

[michaelaellie]

I've just finished nursing school (worst 2

years of my life omg) and I'm taking the NCLEX in about a month. I'm looking to when I start working as a nurse and I'm worried.

I've been working part time as a PCA at the hospital nearby for the past 8 months and I really hate it. I feel like a horrible person, but something inside me dies whenever I think about the fact I need to go to work. I feel lonely and stressed when I'm there. I'm hoping this is in part due to the fact that I float and I only work part time, so I have no real friends at work. When I clock in in the morning, I'm supposed to see what unit I'm assigned to, but it's usually not entered in the system, so I wait on hold at 6:30 to find out where I'm supposed to go. Once I show up to the unit, I'm lucky if anyone working remembers me and they tell me if I'm on the floor or a 1:1 and then I proceed to spend 8 hours by myself, not quite sure what I'm doing (every unit is different and my training was very general and abbreviated).

All throughout college and most of high school, I worked full time in a busy restaurant that I loved. I was soooo good at what I did, and I was friends with my coworkers. Although I would've rather hung out with friends than go to work, it wasn't really a soul crushing experience going to work. It was exhausting but I kind of thrived on it. Now I just bumble around this huge hospital unsure of myself and alone.

Thinking about working full time at the hospital I work at now seems like a good option because of the job market, but everything else makes me feel like maybe I'm not cut out to be a nurse. I would like to think that the hospital itself is the problem, because moral there is extremely low, however I need to be aware of the fact that the problem very well may just be me. Did anyone have a similar experience? Is hating being a PCA indicative that I will hate nursing?

BTW there are definitely aspects of being a PCA that I do enjoy. On days I have good shifts, I feel more hopeful about nursing, but for the most part I feel awkward and unhelpful when I'm there.

[BSN16]

I also worked as a PRN float tech while in nursing school. I felt absolutely the same way you do. Couldn't remember names for the life of me, had to pull teeth to get my assignment for the day, didn't make any coworker friends but i also barely worked and probably never saw the same face ever again. However, i do love nursing. I think once you find a floor and have a set schedule you will meet a lot of great friends and coworkers :)

Where will you be working after the nclex?

[michaelaellie]

Thanks so much for the reassurance! I work in an acute care hospital in a suburb outside NYC. I haven't officially been offered a job, but my nursing supervisor says things like "you're going to apply here once you get your RN right? It's good that you're a float because you'll get your pick of any floor!" so I'd assume I can try to score a job on any of the med-surg floors or the telemetry floor. Some PCAs tell me to go to the city because those are better hospitals but I don't think the job market is that great.