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A Recovery Poll, Sort Of

Recovery   (2,280 Views 25 Comments)
by TNPAPnurse TNPAPnurse (Member)

1 Like; 691 Visitors; 26 Posts

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catsmeow1972 has 15 years experience as a BSN and works as a OR RN.

144 Likes; 1 Follower; 12,376 Visitors; 1,035 Posts

A previous NSG that I was sentenced to (thankfully I moved and got the blazes outta there) closed every meeting with the serenity prayer. Given my personal opinion on the 12 step shtick (fine if it works for you) one sure way of getting push back from me is to shove something at me like the way that has been). It put me in the very uncomfortable position of either A: faking it (lying, something I'm very bad at) or B: refusing and having it get back to the program that I'm not drinking my kool aid (ie: acting like this program was the best thing to ever come down the pipe)

I opted for C which was to look straight at my shoes and say nothing. I don't think anyone ever noticed. I suffered through the hand holding bit just cringing. I am not a touchy feely person. When it comes to those meetings that I will never be within 500 feet again when I don't have to, I too dip out before that end business (if my anxiety hasn't driven me out even before that).

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Wizard 1 has 12 years experience and works as a Small business owner, RN.

16 Likes; 1,069 Visitors; 79 Posts

The statement above about not having to worry about drinking too much water and not having to live in fear are salient. Additionally, it is nice to not worry about using hairspray, air freshener, cologne, hand sanitizer, cortisone cream, and the million other things that regular people never give a thought to.

Even though alcohol was not an issue for me, I still don't get behind the wheel if I've had even one drink. I completed monitoring two years ago, and don't plan on doing that. Uber is a great option, or drink at home.

As far as meetings go, when I heard the God Squad stuff, I'd cringe. I practice a different religion, so I'd deal with the uncomfortable feelings and move on, working with myself in terms that were tailored to my practices. No one ever bothered me about it. If they had, I would've had numerous sources to cite within the program literature supporting me and would not have been afraid to speak out.

Edited by Wizard 1

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dirtyhippiegirl has 8 years experience.

15 Likes; 1 Follower; 28,790 Visitors; 1,541 Posts

I have been out of monitoring for 16 months. I go to the occ AA meeting, like once or twice a month, mostly to catch up with friends and/or to remind myself of how awful early sobriety and active alcoholism is. We have Buddhist and Atheist AA here too which I like to go to from time to time as I find the people in those meetings interesting and they tend to mesh better with my world view.

My life is so, so much better sober. We just got back from trekking in Nepal. I am doing things I never would have done when I was drinking. Even my social life is better. I am going to a concert with friends tomorrow night and will DD. No biggie.

I do think my alcoholism requires life-long diligence but that's multi-faceted and involves general wellness and not, like, attending AA and only hanging out with AA people until I die.

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Persephone Paige has 15 years experience as a ADN and works as a Med-Surg.

293 Likes; 3 Followers; 1 Article; 3,103 Visitors; 559 Posts

Yes, I will continue.

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17 Likes; 3,478 Visitors; 264 Posts

I honestly don't know what I will do with alcohol. It has never been a DOC for me, if I had a glass of wine once a month before monitoring, that would be average. So on the one hand, it's not really a big sacrifice to give up what I rarely did. But again, just the thought of saying *never* is overwhelming. I'm almost 2 years down out of 5, so a lot can happen in that time.

However, I absolutely cannot wait to get my OTC cold medicine back. I have structural sinus problems and while sudafed and classic antihistamines and cough syrups aren't magic bullets, heck yes are they helpful. I can't even use my Flonase, which was a life saver for me before, because it does have some ethanol in it (so I was told).

But to be honest, three more years seems so overwhelming, so devastating, that I cannot let myself think more than a week ahead in this program because I feel like suffocating.

Just retained an attorney to file bankruptcy due to $30,000 in medical debt only that we got terminally behind on in my unemployment and are being sued left and right. My case manager has to pass me off to a newbie case manager because their case loads are too high, and I got picked to be pawned off to the new grad social worker because "you have been in for a while and you are quite stable and compliant to work with, so you will be easy for her." Arg! My case manager was the only positive in this program.

...

You know what, I think I've changed my mind. After all the paperwork is done and filed and rubber stamped, I think I may indulge in a celebratory glass of champagne.

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Big Blondie has 29 years experience and works as a FNP.

12 Likes; 7,773 Visitors; 411 Posts

I had 4 Casemanagers and I think we should say no to being tossed around.

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37 Likes; 868 Visitors; 70 Posts

So i cant eat soy sauce lol where the hell do you find all this info...they havent told me anything. Is there anything else i cant eat...soy sauce..poppy seeds..vanilla...im freaking out.

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13 Likes; 1,181 Visitors; 73 Posts

So i cant eat soy sauce lol where the hell do you find all this info...they havent told me anything. Is there anything else i cant eat...soy sauce..poppy seeds..vanilla...im freaking out.

Honestly, it's hard to find out. I've heard conflicting info about what food not to eat since I started! I can tell you I've made cupcakes, pancakes and cookies using vanilla and I've never had a positive. I tested after eating a cupcake that morning too.

Poppy seeds, soy sauce...I've heard you're not supposed to eat but like I said, I've read from a few people here that they eat poppy bagels and soy sauce on their Chinese food and have never had a problem.

I'm not that brave yet! lol

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hppygr8ful has 15 years experience and works as a RN - Adolescent Psych.

335 Likes; 4 Followers; 31,173 Visitors; 2,517 Posts

So i cant eat soy sauce lol where the hell do you find all this info...they havent told me anything. Is there anything else i cant eat...soy sauce..poppy seeds..vanilla...im freaking out.

At some point in the past I posted a pretty complete list of things that people have reported caused them to have positive Etg tests. the problem is the list is only anecdotal. What cause one person to test positive may not have the same result in another person. It goes without saying that you should avoid anything that has ETOH in the ingredient lists. Also alcohol added during cooking may not cook off so avoid. Poppy seeds are a no no for sure. Otherwise use some common sense.

Hppy

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37 Likes; 868 Visitors; 70 Posts

Thanks. I plan on avoiding things i know and have learned about. And if i somehow test positive for something i didnt know about ill do the other testing and move forward. I cant live in fear, thats not conducive to my recovery and goes against what im learning through the 12 steps.

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37 Likes; 868 Visitors; 70 Posts

My grandma gave me some bagel chips and they had poppy seeds all over them....thank goodness i checked before eating them. Ive never had to give it a second thought so its something to get used to. Im gonna be annoying at Thanksgiving though lol!!

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Megan1977 has 38 years experience as a MSN, RN.

11 Likes; 522 Visitors; 47 Posts

As soon as I am done, I will continue the life I lived before this nightmare. There will be no drinking as I never did before. There will be no drug use as I never did before. I will begin the process of raising my career from the dead after the brutal murder of it by this program. I will never be seen at any BS-anonymous meeting ever again as it is one of the most time wasting activities ever for me next to navel gazing. I will treat the common cold without letting it progress to near pneumonia due to the abject fear of extending this ****show. I will go back to not worrying about the quantity of water I drink fearing a dilute or waking every morning at 4am fearing a missed check in. I will stop living in fear, in general.

Having learned to believe very little of what people do and even less of what they say, I will put this behind me, pick up the pieces of my life and put my energy into moving on.

So, no. There will be no 'recovery' related activities for me. The only thing I have to recover from is the damage that this nightmare has done to me personally, financially, socially and professionally.

Amen and ditto

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