My Success Story

I don't even know what to feel right now! I am happy, sad, proud, etc... all at the same time. Here is my story... Sorry it's long but it has a happy ending...

When growing up I always knew I wanted to help people for a living. My grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 8 years old. She battled it for 2 long years before passing on. I was very close to my grandma and her passing was very hard on me. I experienced a wide variety of nurses during her care and I can tell you I will always remember the good ones... NOT the ones that were good at actual skills... the ones who had good people skills. Anyway, this was when I first thought about becoming a nurse. When my brother was born in 1989, just after my grandma passed, I helped take care of him alot. I remember visiting him in the nursery and the nurses there were so kind. That was when I decided I wanted to work in an area to such as OB or pediatrics.
I went through some rough times growing up. When I was 12 I was sexually abused by my best friends father. This sent me down an unexpected path. My grades when down hill and things just did not look good for me. My friends helped me through this rough time. When I turned 16 I started dating one of my classmates. We hit it off really well and since there were so many troubles at home (related to my attitude after the abuse and rebeling against my parents) I moved out with him when I was 17. (BIG MISTAKE!) I ended up getting pregnant toward the end of my senior year. I did graduate though! We were married that summer. I started thinking about college and spoke with my husband about it. He did not want me to go to school. I was not sure why, but I figured it was because he wanted me to stay home with our child for a while. So I stayed home. Things got worse and he began drinking and using drugs. That is when the abuse started. PHYSICAL AND MENTAL. I began to loose weight fast because I was not eating and I was constantly being told that I was fat. I WAS NOT (I was a size 4). Things got worse and I wanted to leave, but I was convinced I could work my marriage out. One night he rapped me and I ended up pregnant with our second child. I was scared for the safety of my children, but I could not find it in me to leave. When I did leave I would fall for his line of bull and come back. We did end up going to counseling for a little while during my pregnancy, which did not help. Not too long after I had our second child I realized that he was cheating on me. (I still wanted him back... What was I thinking?) Some very good friends decided to intervene and get me out of the situation. THANK GOD FOR THEM. I ended up having to get a restraining order because he started stalking me. He also kidnapped the kids one time (but brought them back not to long after because he could not handle them). I swore off men. I had some friends that were men, but to me that was all they would be. I met my current husband not to long after I left my ex. We talked here and there, but to me he was just a friend and possibly another guy out for one thing... what he wants. He fell for me... and decided to try to win me over. (well obviously he did) He was just there for me whenever I needed to talk. He was caring and a great listener. Eventually things moved to the next level, but I still swore off marriage. He was fine with that. We ended up having a child (a girl) together. He also took on the roll as father to my boys. He also helped me persue my dream of becoming a nurse. He actally convinced me to go back to school and offered to take on the kids and household needs. WOW what a shock... Someone who was willing to support me. Something I was not used to! On February 22, 2002 he asked me to marry him... And I actally said yes... We were married on Febrary 22, 2003. He then adopted the boys in September of 2003. I started school in August of 2002. I knew it would be hard... I just did not realized how hard. AHHH...Lots of stress.
Well my ex decided to screw with me and decided to start stalking me again. We ended up having to get another restraining order on him. With all of the legal fees and other debt I had from my relationship with him money was tight. I ended up getting a job at the local care center. They were always short staffed which lead to a lot of overtime. It was great during the summer, but when school started up in the fall again.... I think I was just on overload. My husband ended up picking up some extra hours and I quit my job. This made things so much easier. Not too long after that my grandmother fell and broke her arm. I ended up helping her out a lot because her husband is just not the helping type... I found out why later. I took some summer classes to catch up and started my last year of school. Things started looking up. I did develope some test anxiety... which half the class had too, but other than that everything started looking up again. I got through fall semester without a whole lot of drama. Just before spring semester was about to start I woke up to my mom screaming "he's dead, he's dead" (my parents live in the house next door to us) My 16 year old brother who was on his way to school was in a car accident. The roads were icy and his car lost control a feed truck was traveling toward him and lost control and they collided. There was nothing left of my brothers car. He was killed instantly. My dad was not too far behind him on his way to work. He came up on the accident site. I ended up having to pick up my dad from the site and it was a horrible site. My brother and I were very close. He was like a son to me. We did so much together and poof he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I was asked to take a leave from the nursing program. I knew I could not do that. He would not have wanted me to. I decided to push forward. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I ended up loosing it for a few weeks. I started seeing a psychiatrist not too long before he was killed for my test anxiety and to help me deal with issues from my past. Thank god for him. I don't think I would have made it without him. I was very depressed and the first test of the semester was coming up. CARDIAC. Well needless to say I got a 38 on the test. I was again asked to take a leave. After some soul searching I decided to go on and try to make it through the semester. I ended up floating with another nurse for a few weeks until I felt like I was competent to do my clinicals on my own again. I started my preceptorship not too long after that. My preceptor had lost someone close to her also and we ended up bonding. She helped me get through some of the hard days. I did my preceptorship in OB. I even got to deliver a baby. (best experience of all) My brothers birthday was in April. I was right at the end of the semester and I had brought myself back up to a passing grade. Then came the trama lecture and exam. I failed that test. It was hard for me to take. I tried so hard. I was still passing though. I just needed to pass the final. I decided to dedicate the next two weeks to studying. I studied everyday and tried not to think about anything else. (THANK GOD FOR MY HUSBAND THINGS GOT DONE AT HOME). Then my grandma fell and broke her hip... well actually come to find out she was pushed by her husband (which we have not been able to prove and she only admitted it to us and denies it to anyone else) So we have been working on trying to get her out of there ever since. Talk about bad timing in my life.... Well anyway I passed the last exam with an A! Time for boards.... Between helping my grandma and dealing with my brothers death plus my family, I thought I would never have time for studying. I made up a schedule and stuck to it. I had worked so hard to make it to this point and I was not giving up. I set my self a goal... I was going to do this for my brother. This motivated me. I took the boards on June 9th. I passed! I also was offered a job at a local hospital. I start tomorrow! I still can't believe I made it. It is all a big shock to me. I know my brother is with me in all I do. I only wish he was here to celebrate with me. I miss him so much! I am happy that things are going good in my life... but I am so sad that he is gone. please feel free to check out the site I put together in memory of him. It is still in the works, but I am constantly adding new things. www.garretrjohnson.com
Thanks for taking the time to read my success story. I just had to let you know that you can make it. NO MATTER What the circumstances you can do anything you set your mind to. Just remember you are not alone...