My Story: The Long Way Around (long post)

Its been 9 years since I decided to be a nurse.

Here is my story:

When I graduated high school I got married 3 months later, not realizing it at the time, I was just trying to escape life with my Dad and stepmother who was an abusive addict, and had been since she married my Dad when I was 10. I was her target. My mom and sister died when I was little so I was stuck in that living situation until I was old enough to get out. I'd been accepted to a university and thought I wanted to be a teacher. My husband and I lived a 45 minute drive away from the college. He wouldn't work. I was enrolled full time and working full time. I got pregnant about a month after we married. During the first semester we struggled for money to the point that I ended up dropping out because I couldn't afford the gas to drive back and forth to school. I continued to work and he eventually got a job. I had the baby in June and was back at work with in two weeks. My husband was an angry guy, and from the beginning I could never do anything right, never knew what to expect or what kind of mood he would be in. I couldn't depend on him. But I thought he would grow up and grow out of it. 18 months later our second child was born. I was 20 years old with 2 kids.


I was always interested in medical shows, especially the reality ones. As silly as it sounds it was because of the show ER that I originally decided I wanted to be a nurse, but back then I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. I called the local community college- they had a 3 year waiting list. I couldn't imagine waiting that long. My husband's family lived in Illinois (we were in Florida at the time) and so I called the local community college up there, there was no waiting list, but they said I had to come in and do all the testing and paperwork immediately. I approached my husband with it, told him I'd get student loans and work part time and his family had said they thought he could get a good paying job at the place his uncle worked. So we jumped in the car to go up there and do my paperwork, and figured we'd move up in a few months before school started. After we got there the transmission broke in our car. We never went back to Florida. I was all enrolled for school and ready to go, had my student loans processed, purchased my books, and then found out I'd gotten pregnant (I'd missed a couple of pills that month). I decided to go ahead with school as I was not due until March of 2002. My husband never got a job. I loved my nursing classes, and did well, but was taking all my pre reqs at the same time. Soon my student loan money ran out for the semester and I increased my hours at work to keep a roof over our heads. I passed my nursing courses but failed A&P 1. It was too much- I was exhausted from working, being pregnant, school, kids, my miserable marriage and having no friends and family around (he was never big on my having friends and all my family lived in FL) Because I failed A&P1 I couldn't continue in the program.

In March 2002 my youngest was born. My husband had gotten a job. I stayed home with the kids. Things were still miserable in my marriage. He was fired from his job less than a year later, and in April of 2003 I got a job working in downtown Chicago which he hated. The jobs in the city were better paying than anything I could find in our suburb, and he wasn't working, so someone had to provide. We'd moved 11 times in 7 years, had been on welfare the majority of the time and barely got by. We fought like cats and dogs and he was just outright mean. (for example, once I'd gotten my hair cut and was all excited and feeling good about myself and when I got home to show him he called me a "d*ke" because it was shorter than he liked. Another time he'd asked me to go get him Taco Bell, and I also went by the chinese food place for myself- since he didn't like chinese I got him the Taco Bell he'd asked for. When I got home with what he had asked me to get he was so angry with me because I got chinese food that he didn't talk to me for days.) When I started working downtown it was like my eyes opened for the first time. I realized I didn't even know who I was anymore because I'd spent all of my energy trying to survive and manage his temper and moods and do everything I could to not make him angry. I realized there was a huge world out there that I'd not been a part of since I married him and that I had my own dreams and aspirations and that I didn't even recognize myself or my life anymore. As time went on the fighting got worse, he started putting his hands on me, physically prevented me from leaving by taking my keys or blocking the door, or taking parts out of my car. One morning I was leaving for work and he was trying to pick a fight and when I told him I couldn't fight right then because I'd be late for work, I was pulling out of my driveway and he jumped onto the hood of my car. The last straw was one day when I was cleaning up the kitchen and he wanted to fight I just refused to engage him. He was so angry that I wouldn't argue with him he looked at me with more hatred than I'd ever seen anyone have in their eyes and told me he wished I'd been murdered along with my mom and sister. 6 weeks later I'd found an apartment, arranged for the cops to meet me at the house so he couldn't prevent me from leaving.

On August 10, 2003 I walked out of that life and never looked back. I had next to nothing. Since I could only take what I could fit in my car in about 30 minutes while the cops waited I slept on my apartment floor that night, but slept better than I had in years. The next day I got a restraining order against him that detailed his visitation with the kids, temporary custody etc. He never was mean to the kids so I didn't worry about that. After awhile things calmed down with him, but he wasn't regular about seeing the kids, and never paid his child support. I got a new job in the city that paid more, and even though I didn't have alot, my life had stabilized, and my kids and I were happy for the first time. For the first time since I was 10, I finally had peace in my life. That first year was incredible. I'd never felt so alive. I was able to make friends, and figure out who I was and what I wanted. I started taking classes at the community college. I didn't have much time or money because I knew no one here. When I left my (now ex) husband he had completely isolated me. My family was 1000 miles away and I had no friends. The only people I'd had contact with was his family, and they all decided to stop talking to me since I'd left him. I still wanted to be a nurse. I didn't think it would happen until my kids were grown because of having to be their sole provider- the nursing program was a day program, full time, and any job I could get that would pay enough to cover the bills was M-F, 8-5. Still, I held it close to my heart and kept plugging away at the pre reqs, one class at a time.

In Aug 2004 I met my future husband. We worked at the same place but in different departments. When we started dating I felt like I'd known him my entire life. He is wonderful, and we've been together ever since. He moved in with me in June 2005. He supports me in everything I do, and is an incredible partner.

In January 2006 I was laid off. Because of my SO I was once again able to contemplate going back to school. We needed more than just his income to cover all the bills (we'd bought a house)but it was possible that I could work part time. I went ahead and reapplied to the nursing program, continued my pre requisite classes and became a flight attendant. I was initially told that I'd work 3 days a week. The nursing program was 3-4 days a week, so I figured it would work out that I could go to school. The schedule didn't turn out to be like that at all, but I was still determined to figure it out. In July my grandmother (mom's mom) with whom I'm very close and has been through it all with me called me and said that she wanted to help me out financially with school and would send me some money every month so I wouldn't have to work so much and could focus on school. I initially declined, but she'd have none of it. She had been a nurse for 40 years, and knew this was my dream. She'd seen me struggle all these years and told me that she could make no better investment and that she wanted nothing more that to see me do it and that it would make her happy to do because then she'd know I was set for the rest of my life. In August 2006 I quit my job and re-entered the registered nursing program.

It has not been easy. I've been exhausted, stressed to the max, stretched myself way too thin. I've been sleep deprived, and pushed to the limit. I'm worn out.

My kids are 9,8, and 6 now. I graduate in 2 weeks, and they, along with my SO, my Dad and my Grandmother will be there to cheer me on. I have a job lined up in the ER which ended up being the area I love and in the hospital I wanted.

I'm happy, I have peace in my life. I have 3 beautiful children and a wonderful relationship with my SO. I have good friends and am close with my family. I recognize myself when I look in the mirror and the life I've built is one that I'm happy in and proud of. My dreams have come true.


It has been nine years. I may have taken the long road, but I've finally arrived.