My Own Specialty and Personality

In my opinion, your job should not be where you seek out to learn about yourself and "cure" your issues. If you're looking to be a psych RN so you can learn about yourself, that's the worst place for you. Your job as a psych RN is to help patients learn about THEMSELVES. You cannot do that if you're focused on you.

A good idea, while you're still in RN school, is to see a psychologist/ counselor and work through your anxieties. Work is not about you-- it's about the patient. Keep those separate.

If YOU don't trust yourself to make a good decision, how can you expect your patient to trust you to make a good decision? I initially, when you mentioned being unable to handle med-surg (I couldn't, either-- God bless those who can!), I thought of ICU. Your triple checking everything could be beneficial to a critical patient, and you only usually have two. However, the inability to let things go, and there will be days when you do everything right and the patient STILL dies, make ICU a difficult place for you without help.

ER-- several patients, high turnaround. Intermediate/ telemetry-- borderline patients who can turn on a dime, no matter what you do. Oncology-- no matter what you do, patients die. Clinic-- people can walk in and be ready to code; you've got to be able to triage fast if something happens. School-- kids have asthma attacks, allergic reactions, etc.

Basic issue-- you need to get your anxiety addressed before committing to a specialty. EVERY specialty will have issues for you if you don't. I don't mean to be harsh, but I want you to take care of you. If you do that, you'll be a better person first and foremost, and nurse second. There's no shame in that.

Sounds pretty normal to me. I remember starting fresh as a nurse and reliving every moment of my shift, rethinking every decision and berating myself when things didn't go right, usually when I was trying to sleep. After 15 years I still have those days, especially when a new situation comes along or a particularly bad day happens. I think it's part of the process of growing so that the next time a situation arises I can do better and feel more at ease. You also start to accept that you are human and there are times you will make mistakes and other times when you just can not change the way things are.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are dealing with human lives - a little anxiety is in order. If it's stopping you from functioning, from learning or from continuing on then consider getting some help with it.

As far as a specialty goes, don't feel you need to rush into a specific area unless there's something that really incites your passion. I've never done med-surg myself but I know there's a lot of value in getting some experience there and there have been times I've regretted not having any experience there.

Try something for a year, if it's not right look to the horizon's for something new. If anxiety is a big issue for you consider staying away from critical care areas and the ER until you have a better grip on it. They can be particularly stressful. There's nothing wrong with going into psych but be wary of relating to your patients personally or assuming that your problems are theirs, or vice versa. In any area you work in you have to separate your personal life from your career. That does not mean you can not grow and learn more about yourself though. That should come naturally.

Good luck!!