Fighting Lies with Lies

There's something you may not know about all the angry shouting and yelling that has been disrupting town hall meetings on health-care reform. It's all a plot to keep the public as distracted as possible from what the Republicans are cooking up behind closed doors.
What they don't want you to know, people, is what THEIR version of health-care reform would look like.
Here are some of the stealth provisions that conservatives want to sneak into any overhaul:

• No medical care for anyone with gunshot wounds, since guns are an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution.
• People with HIV/AIDS have to prove they're not homosexual before they can receive treatment, in order to uphold family values.
• Distribution of transplant organs, scarce vaccines and experimental surgeries will be determined by legalized online bidding, in support of the free-market system.
• Doctors who perform abortions or make abortion referrals will be marched in front of a pro-life firing squad.
• Only those U.S. citizens born in the United States will be allowed to see a doctor. Too bad for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• In deference to the "birthers" who insist that Mr. Obama's birth certificate is a phony, anyone born in Hawaii will have to prove citizenship through a new technology known as respiratory identification. Rulings will be made by a government "breath panel."
• Health insurance will be outlawed, since it spreads the risk among all subscribers, which is clearly socialism. Ditto for bulk buying of supplies, which lowers costs in direct defiance of the profit motive. Congress will be exempt from this provision, except for Democrats.