Bathroom hygiene -you gotta be kidding me!!

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

I had a teacher come down to my office today to tell me that little "jimmy" was in the bathroom for far too long and wanted me to check on him. I told her I am not allowed to simply walk into the boys room unless there is a true medical emergency. We decided on talking to him from the door with both of us present. The issue that the student was having was that he had a bowel movement and needed someone to wipe him because he didn't know how. He went on to say that mom always does it at home. I retrieved him some moist wipes from my bathroom and told him to try his best. I then followed up with a call to mom to tell her that he has to be entirely independent in the bathroom and that she should teach him how to wipe his own bottom starting today. The mother then got mad at me for making the child do it himself telling me that he's too little to be expected to do that -are you kidding me? he's almost 6!!! sigh... only 21 years til retirement!

[justme1972]

I would wonder if that would warrant a social services consult.

The reason why, is the child's health is at risk b/c he obviously doesn't wipe whenever he's away from his mother and that would make me wonder what else was going on.

To me, ignorance, warrants not a formal investigation...but at least someone just to go out, and chat with her that is in some-kind of authority.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Ummm . . . . social services for not wiping?

Well, you better call them on me then. My youngest son has a hard time . . in fact I've raised two older boys too. And there were times that the underwear had "Hershey stripes" . . .. in fact, don't most women complain about their husband's underwear????

I agree that he needs his mom to help him out more by letting him learn to do this - and using wet wipes is a good idea, at home and at school.

But to call social services?????

I've also worked in preschools and in my kids' classes and have had to help some kids use the bathroom . . . . I think it is normal for kids to have struggles at that age.

steph

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

i really think this is really more of a case that this is the first time that the child has been separated from mom (and has deficated away from home). Th e child's behavior leads me to believe that he is babied at home. The bottom line is that she expected that i would do it for the child which in my book is unacceptable.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

i really think this is really more of a case that this is the first time that the child has been separated from mom (and has deficated away from home). Th e child's behavior leads me to believe that he is babied at home. The bottom line is that she expected that i would do it for the child which in my book is unacceptable.

That is true. She should not expect that at all.

steph

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Geeze Louise.

[bergren]

When I was working with early childhood special education pre K students, I realized that the teachers were teaching and expecting the children with delays to do things that I'd been doing for my own same aged children: buttoning, socks, etc.

It was a big wake up call and I changed my ways immediately.

If you check the toilet training sites, all of them advocate including wiping from the start and washing hands. Of course toddlers will need an adult to wipe them also, but they cannot learn the skill if it is only introduced when it can be done perfectly.

There are some great resources out there that can help parents get their kids ready for school and for life and provide opprtunities for self esteem through mastery:

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestone-self-care_65551.pc

http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/170_SelfCare.pdf

[justme1972]

I agree that he needs his mom to help him out more by letting him learn to do this - and using wet wipes is a good idea, at home and at school.

But to call social services?????

I guess you missed the part of where I said that there doesn't have to be a formal investigation.

Do you even know the full scope of what social services does?

Social services does a lot more than put parents on the defensive and yank children away and put them in foster care. They will also assist parents in caring for children and EDUCATING them, and this is NOT THE SAME THING as a formal investigation where the parents are being formally investigated for neglect.

How do I know this? Because when I took my twins home, who were preemies, social services had a program where they would come out to my home every two weeks, it was a specially trained RN and a social worker, to test my children for developmental delays in the first year. The purpose of the program was to do a more thorough motor examination than the pediatrition does in the office. This is to catch delays and help correct them before they became a problem.

A case worker at the hospital told me about the program, and I readily signed up. I had no idea of what I was going to run into with these children.

They also offer parenting classes for those that want to participate or learn how to parent better....that are VOLUNTARY.

The problem with this woman is she does not understand what is appropriate for this child, refuses to teach them, and with elimination functions it can possibly put the child's health at risk for infection.

This is about knowing how local resources work and all of the services that they offer.

[psalm, RN]

I think what would have motivated me to check out this family is the mother's belief that he's too little to do it himself. Excuse me, but kids need to know how to wipe their heinies. We aren't grading them on how well they do (or many husbands would fail), but the fact that they know how to; they are learning how to be independent.

If you've ever known a person who was "raised" in an ultra- controlling environment (unhealthy control, not guiding to independence), you will understand what I mean. Kids need to be able to feed, dress and toilet themselves by kindergarten. Assisting with opening a milk carton is okay. Wiping a heinie...nah.

[Keepstanding, ASN, RN]

i don't wipe "bum-bum's" either. either they do it themselves, or i have to call mother to come do it, or take them home for a tub bath.

no i am not a cold hearted person...... it is the year 2008 and we must always be on guard for false accusations against us. just my

praiser :heartbeat

[michigooseBSN]

Sad to say but I agree with Praiser. This is the same reason that I don't physically investigate when little boys say their member hurts or little girls say it stings down there when I go to the bathroom. I call the parent immediately and often urge them to come in and get the child (if really uncomfortable) and investigate further at home. There are things that mommies can do that a school nurse shouldn't do. You never can be certain how your activity will be reported to the parents and how they might interpret it. You gotta protect yourself! Sad isn't it?

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

it's true - that is the way it is. Any time that i have had an incident where there has been an absolute need to enter the bathroom or make a physical assessment (only once - accident with an art knife) i ALWAYS pull another staff member into the room with me, let the person know that i have to record their name and chart that they were present.