Convincing a male to wear a condom? - page 3

by wish_me_luck 5,854 Views | 37 Comments

Hi, I am being sincere with my question. I think most people on AN know that one of my interests is public health. I think it is wonderful to have the knowledge of how to prevent STIs and pregnancy using a condom, how to... Read More


  1. 6
    I think the OP raised a great question which is being somewhat lost in the discussion.

    I work in a community health center and spend half my life treating STDs. Getting men to use condoms is very, very difficult. Honestly I can't say that I have ever seen threats of disease or pregnancy make the slightest impact on a patient's judgement ( this population is relatively young and have normalized being both HIV and HepC positive in many cases). I talk to male patients about correct condom sizing - a fair number of men wear condoms that are actually too tight and thus uncomfortable. I review latex allergies which seem to be under-diagnosed. When appropriate I also review lube, position, etc - ANYTHING to encourage safe practice. And when all else fails, I order IM rocephin without lidocaine to treat the rampant gonorrhea. Sometimes pain is more memorable than reason.

    Good question OP. Let me know if you have any brilliant solutions.
    Nurse_Diane, wooh, acarman, and 3 others like this.
  2. 0
    OMG, thank you so much coast!!!!!! I feel like I finally got a useful answer to my original question. I did not answer half the time because I did not want a reaction to me having sex with guys that I innocently went to their house or got their car. Every time I have ever had sex it was not planned at all and it was not like I knew that is what they were after. Most guys are bigger than me. Those two guys....did not talk to them again after. Neither one. I keep condoms in my car now.

    I think there was even a comment about me thinking all guys were rapists. Not hardly. That is why I went to the one guy's house and got in the car with the other.

    All I wanted were some ways to convince a guy to wear a condom both for me personally and to pass on if I ever get a public health nurse job. To me, it is not enough to just give someone condoms, teach them how to put it on, to use water based lubricant so you do not break the condom, etc. I think it is also important to teach the female or a male, in a same sex relationship, how to convince a guy to use what I am giving them
  3. 1
    I was thinking that you could educate them on the consequences but as Coast stated, that doesn't generally do the trick. I think it has to do more with the presentation perhaps. As a public health nurse you have to know how to reach the people you work with. Figure out what motivates them, how cultural affects them, educational levels, demographics in general. You know the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink, well that is how it goes with most things. You can educate your pants off (ok maybe not your pants off... ) but if the person is not receptive then they won't retain but perhaps a fraction of what you said. Just my two cents.
    catmom1 likes this.
  4. 1
    Apply it yourself during **** and make it fun (trying not to be too graphic here).
    I appreciate the OP's honesty. So many opportunities for teaching are lost to embarrassment, denial, cultural norms, etc.
    anotherone likes this.
  5. 0
    While I am comfortable talking about the need to educate our youth about safe sex and appropriate sexual behavior.....I think advice about out personal lives should best be left out of the thread.....as that borders into TOS/medical advice.
    Last edit by Esme12 on Jun 12, '13
  6. 2
    Quote from wish_me_luck
    is that convincing a guy to wear a condom is not easy.
    It may not 'easy' but it's pretty simple: "It's not coming anywhere near me unless it's gloved."

    When I asked a public health nurse how to get guys to wear one, it was just tell them you won't have sex with them unless they do. I think sometimes that can be dangerous, especially if the guy is big and the girl is petite and can't fend him off.
    Well now you're simply talking about rape and I don't think most rapists are much concerned about condoms...

    The appropriate prevention is to avoid the situation in the first place, escape if at all possible, fight like a wolverine if need be, and hopefully end the threat forever by a .357 right between the eyes... (sorry, I'm a dude with a daughter and ZERO tolerance for sexual assault)

    Is there anything else that a woman can tell a guy that he would willingly agree to wear a condom? It would be nice to have suggestions for women (or men) if I ever get a public health nurse job or any nursing job that a client may ask the same question that I asked.
    I think it would have to be situation dependent... are we talking about a hook-up from a bar or the first time in a progressing relationship?
    Nurse_Diane and Fiona59 like this.
  7. 0
    I think coast helped a lot. Maybe figuring the sizing may help (I didn't realize that that could contribute to the issue). I just thought throwing into the education on "how to make the horse drink", so to speak would be just as valuable as "how to lead the horse to water". I'll do that and throw into the mix some pics of STIs and the cost of pregnancy/raising a child.
  8. 3
    Quote from wish_me_luck

    When I asked a public health nurse how to get guys to wear one, it was just tell them you won't have sex with them unless they do. I think sometimes that can be dangerous, especially if the guy is big and the girl is petite and can't fend him off.
    At this point, rape is occurring not sex.
    What about the female condom? I know they are more money, but if two people want to have sex and the man won't put a condom on, the woman could if she is still willing.
    wooh, Fiona59, and loriangel14 like this.
  9. 0
    I think I got an answer to my question. My question really didn't pertain to rape and Esme mentioned TOS earlier. Thanks for he responses.

    Health depts in VA do not offer female condoms.
  10. 4
    Quote from wish_me_luck
    I think I got an answer to my question. My question really didn't pertain to rape and Esme mentioned TOS earlier. Thanks for he responses.

    Health depts in VA do not offer female condoms.
    But we also need to teach our girls to respect their own bodies. To have the self confidence/self esteem and like themselves enough to say NO. In a confident authoritative manner that say very clear that the girl means business. Anytime young girls "give in" and not"feel good" about it or felt they had to because of the guy's physical size and strength is rape and it is a far under reported crime.
    wooh, loriangel14, Fiona59, and 1 other like this.


Top